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But that's fine

one month ago
He walked. As he walked he marveled at this spectacular feat. He wasn’t good at it yet, but that’s fine. He knew with practice and time his skills would improve.

And practice he did, wobbling along through the woods. Every so often he would fall over, but that’s fine. He just picked himself back up again

Eventually he met a crow. It crouched on the tree. As he walked towards it it flew away, but that’s fine. He would make other friends.

He wobbled to the plains. The rain drenched soil made it hard to wobble. He persisted anyway and fell over, but that’s fine. He could pick his body up off the ground,

In the plains he spotted a deer. It froze when it saw him. He approached it and it ran away, but that’s fine. He would make other friends.

He wobbled into a forest clearing. In it he saw a village. He wanted to approach but couldn’t because there was a fire. But that’s fine. He would find somewhere else to rest his head

In the forest clearing he saw a child. He wobbled towards it and it didn’t run. Once he got close it tried to run, but he grabbed his new friend. The child's scream was cut short, but that’s fine. He would make other friends.

-

A little flash fiction thing I tried to write. First time trying to write something kind of creepy so any feedback in welcome!

But that's fine

one month ago

I would like to point out that everything but "but that's fine" is in past tense, which really bothers me, especially because it's repeated. You should change it to "but it was fine" or something.

Otherwise, I have to say that it's a little too short for it to make sense. It's obviously about some awkward monster, but why is it so awkward? Why does it have some complex thoughts mixed with really basic thoughts. For example, it knows about the concept of practice but murders a child and doesn't realize it. This story just raises some questions, and the blunt tone makes it significantly less creepy, in my opinion.

But that's fine

one month ago
The tense thing is a very glaring issue now that it's pointed out lmao. As far as the monster I was trying to make it more of an inturpertation thing. Hinting at certain things with lines like "He could pick his body up off the ground" and, "He would find somewhere else to rest his head." I was going for more of a short and sweet thing that raised some questions, but things like why it has complex and basic thoughts weren't intentional at all, and aren't the kind of questions that arose mystery.

But that's fine

one month ago

Well yea, that makes sense given that it's short flash fiction.

But that's fine

29 days ago

I would go with "but that was fine"

The story reminded me of Frankenstein's monster.

But that's fine

one month ago
Is this autobiographical?

It's not bad though, and flash fiction is harder to fit a complete feeling plot into than a lot of people realize.

But that's fine

one month ago
This made me laugh out loud in class, and the teacher almost caught me lmao.

But that's fine

29 days ago
I’m new to writing so take this with a heap of salt, but here are my thoughts.

Positives:
-The grammar is decent, but as others have mentioned ‘that’s fine’ really really stands out. If you’re interested in the same effect while grammatically correct, you could potentially change this to what the character is thinking.
(Eg: it froze when it saw him. He approached it and it ran away.
He thought, ‘that’s fine.’) This might not be 100% grammatically correct but the point stands.
-For the pacing of the plot, I’m a big power of three fan, so this really tickles my sphincter. The changing of meaning of the previous chapters with the reveal in the third gives it a lot of rereadability.
-I especially like how the simple style reflects how crude the creature is, seeming almost childlike in its understanding of the world.

Things to improve:
-You use ‘wobble’ a lot. This is totally fine in the first paragraph but becomes more noticeable later on as repetitive. Perhaps consider using more confident walking verbs as the story goes on to show how the creature has changed/give us minor character development (this is super nit picky)
-Sometimes at the end of paragraphs you don’t use punctuation or use the wrong punctuation. ‘He would find somewhere else to rest his head’ should have a full stop, unless this is a poem?
-While I complimented the simple style, honestly a tad of sentence variation could really help break it up a bit.

Super good flash fiction! Excited to read more :)))