So, I'm expanding the time range of doing these CYOAs. I plan to release 3-5 books this year, some of which I already completed on paper. The Blue Blur would be released late this month or early Feb, amd I have most of the writing done with the Blue Blur, just doing some more endings and a major editing process, on a computer, because the editing is much better on a computer than it is doing it one a smartphone, which I been doing. Here's some more sneak peak info:
"Ha-Ha-Ha!" Eggman laughed. " Who is it this time, Crobot?"
"I-identify-her-as-Sally-Acorn." The robot rushed towards Eggman's throne.
"Daughter of the old king, uh, bring her in." Eggman waited for the guards to open it. Metal Sonic opened the door to Eggman's grand throne, while Mecha-Sonic held Sally Acorn's arm.
"Mr.Eggman Sir," Sally tried to explain how unfair their kings were.
"Call me Robotnik. And, I won't listen to anything you say, so, guards, lock her up!"
"Wait! You hardly give us money to survive..." "You are animals. Go find your food and stuff out in the woods."
"We don't live like that anymo..."
"Shh, just Shut up and go to the CELL!!! Okay?"
So will the Blue Blur be good? I hope so, but it is just my fist CYOA, and only time and more info can tell. Though, everything I have planned for Flip throughout Pages is something I look forward to writing, defiantly since there's many possablilities for writing about a real world and a cartoony-book style world in it conflicting with each other.
What, specifically, did you do to improve your story based on advice from @mizal written here?
She clearly put a lot of time into giving you advice, and you didn't even reply to it, and now you've simply posted another excerpt. You're definitely creative for your age, and we can help you improve your writing if you're willing to have discourse with us!
To be fair, although this one was quite short, the spacing is much better and it gives the villain a motive. There's still lots of room for improvement though.