BerkaZerka, The Million Word Malkavian

Member Since


Last Activity

11/9/2019 5:18 PM

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0 wins / 0 losses


Lauded Sage Exemplar



Mind's Eye USA





Trophies Earned

Administrative contributions. Having 4 Storygame(s) Featured Having Infinite Points Posting 11969 Forum Posts Rated 100.0% of all Stories Given by alexp on 02/22/2013 - For being all-around awesome! Given by BerkaZerka on 01/09/2017 - In memorial of mustache wars long long ago~ Given by EndMaster on 05/31/2013 - For Dead Man Walking, Dungeon Stompage and whatever other cool stories you end up creating. Given by JJJ-thebanisher on 10/14/2013 - Great site presence and top notch AE usage Given by madglee on 04/04/2014 - Exceptional stories and great moderator! Great work, BZ! Enjoy. Given by Sethaniel on 06/14/2014 - Great moderator, amazing game-maker. Given by Will11 on 01/15/2017 - For the fantastic stories, amazing scripting and overall contributions to the site


Chuck Norris Quiz

How well do you know the Incredible Facts About The Awesome Chuck Norris?

25 Questions with Scoring

Featured Story Cows vs. Aliens!

Farmer Brown is on vacation and it's up to Fernando El Fantastico the Bull (that's you!) to save his Herd when Aliens come to harvest them!

(by playing draw poker against a horde of moronic alien invaders!)

Special Thanks to Killa_Robot for playtesting feedback - This Meep's For him! ^v^

Crab Arena!

You are Crab Trainer X! Choose your Crustacean Combatant and Battle for Glory in Crab Arena! The Championship Belt is within your Grasp! Can You Do It? Hell Yes You Can!

Now GO!!!


How To Play

Fight 3 Round Battles with 4 Opponents; and then a 5 Round Battle with the Final Opponent. Each Round you choose an Attack and an Elemental Focus to power it.
CLAW HAMMER beats Body Slam / BODY SLAM beats Double Snip / DOUBLE SNIP beats Claw Hammer
FIRE consumes Air / WATER puts out Fire / EARTH soaks up Water / AIR blows away Earth
A Color-Coded Bar shows the results between the Attacks and Focuses: Green = Win; Yellow = Draw; Red = Lose
Your Attack determines who Wins the Round; the Elemental Focus determines how much Damage you will take and how many Power Points you will gain. Your Wins and Losses at the end of each Battle determine whether you advance or go down in flames.

Featured Story Dead Man Walking (Zombie Survival)

Can you survive the Zombie Apocalypse? While challenging, it's not as hard as the movies would have you believe - where they always make the worst possible decisions for the sake of drama. At least here, you will be offered logical choices amid the foolhardy and your character cares about survival even more than you do. A serious game with gory detail.

Cameos (try to find them all!)
Aman: Hairy bearded sledge guy
applegirl: Coffee mug zombie teen
Betaband: Neighbor’s fish tank brought to you by Betaband
CovElite: The Cannibal Gaunt Zombie
EndMaster: A survivor tells about seeing a black hooded man walking among the zombie hordes and directing them like death itself
Fireplay: A madman with a taste for fire
JMgskills: A zombie wearing a red shirt with the logo “YOU DIED – END GAME.”
Marmotlord: A School Mascot on the run
playa988: A rather short, buzz-cut, zombie in a baggy white t-shirt and jeans that gets sniped
simplesabley: Tomboy survivor girl
SindriV: A mysterious corpse in the street
Solxd7: A police officer shit out of luck
Swiftstryker: Zombie in a speedo
ThisisBo: An oddly “talkative” zombie not terribly interested in eating brains
ugilick: Karate kicking conquistador

Special Thanks To:
Aman; AtomicWaste; blob; Briar_Rose; HoraceTorys; MBrock; playa988; ugilick

(For their invaluable feedback and playtesting efforts!)

Featured Story Delve!

Slay Monsters and Loot the Bodies!

100 levels of Classic Dungeon-Crawl Hack & Slash!
Can you survive all the way to the end?

A CYS "Flash Game" Featuring -
Weapon Upgrades, Magic Items, NPCs, and more!

Featured Story Dungeon Stompage!

An Item and Character-Stat driven Dungeon Adventure Challenge! Can you survive the perils, defeat the monsters, and win the game?


Special Thanks To:

JMgskills, simplesabley; betaband; Swiftstryker; madglee; October; & urnam0 (who found a second solution to the puzzle chest)

(For their invaluable feedback and playtesting efforts!)

Kill Aman's Mustache

Do you have what it takes to survive the Wrath of Aman's Mustach of Doom?

Are you clever enough to outwit a Penguin with a mallet? Are you man enough to wear a phony mustache? Are you Anime enough to put on a Pikachu suit and head to Vegas?

Find Out Now, In: Kill Aman’s Mustache!

A horror(ble) puzzle of hairy implications with a side of lice...

Note that embedded audio requires windows media player plug-in to hear. You will likely be prompted to allow it if you don't already have it installed.
(Please don't be mean and Rate this game poorly just because it’s a worthless piece of crap. Seriously - you will totally hurt the feelings of the thirteen year old orphan schoolgirl from Korea that I hired to write this and who has very little grasp of grammar and doesn’t speak any Engrish and is dying of toenail cancer – you heartless brutes.)


So You Want To Join A Cult

Which Cult is right for you?

Take this Cult Placement Quiz and find out!

HINT: A Leader needs to be willing to put in a long day.

The King's Logic Puzzle


The king has proposed a contest of intellect.
You have a balance scale and twelve identical looking spheres of gold - except that one is either heavier or lighter than all the rest. Using the scale and only 3 measurements, you must determine which is the 'odd ball' and whether it is lighter or heavier.
If you fail, you get to be court jester for a month. The king has a terrible sense of humor - trust me; you don't want to be court jester (even for just a month). It's part of the reason he holds this contest. It's the only way he can get anyone to 'sign-up' for the job.
If you can correctly guess the 'odd ball,' but not whether it's lighter or heavier than all the others, you get to go free.
But if you can get the right ball AND figure out whether it's lighter or heavier - you get to keep all twelve spheres of gold. They're worth a small fortune - enough to buy your own keep - which would raise you up from lowly Surf to rich Landowner in the blink of an eye.
What do you have to lose - except your dignity...


A Penguin's Fairy Tale

You are 'Penguin,' a small stuffed toy owned by a little girl named Sarah. You love Sarah very much and Sarah loves you. You know this, because Sarah says so quite often. You are Sarah's favorite toy.


Bane Treasure Of The Vampire King

What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft and the lie? I, who was born in a naked land and bred in the open sky. The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing; Rush in and die, dogs—I was a man before I was a king.

Epic pirate adventure in the world of Conan the Barbarian. Sail the savage seas in search of a legendary treasure cursed by the gods!

Dungeon Stompage II

Sixty nine years after Raven's grand adventure, Tempest, the half-human child of the Succubus Lilianthea, takes up the quest to find the lost treasure hoard of the Great Dragon Serpentfang - wherein lies an artifact with the power to destroy the Oblitterum Nomeno once and for all.

Battle even more fearsome monsters and your own half-demonic nature, to recover the artifact in time; before the book of damned souls draws you in past the point of no return!

Five Pin Code

The following is a 'How To It Guide,' for building a Five Pin Pass Code into your game for the purpose of pass-coding Unlockables, Game Sequels, or the like.


Articles Written

How to Shuffle a List with Scripting
You can use Advanced Editor Scripting to randomize the order of list (without duplicates) using the following method.

How to use On-Page Variable Tricks
The following discusses the use of the On-Page Variable Code (it literally goes right on the Page in the Story Editor, as opposed to Scripting, which goes into the Scripting Boxes).

Recent Posts

Tally Ho, Chapter Seven on 11/9/2019 5:12:40 PM

Tally Ho, Chapter Seven on 11/6/2019 6:28:36 PM
2. Might as well ask for help.

Tally Ho, Chapter Six on 11/3/2019 2:36:00 PM
2. Might as well go with your strengths.

Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 11/3/2019 2:22:44 PM
Where It All Went Wrong

So yeah, you all got eaten.

The point of failure was rushing into it without doing the research first (wow, who could have foreseen that coming?).

That set up a different sequence of events than if you had waited. As it was, Lucky’s sister was actually having the baby when the group arrived at the hospital. Opening the secret door alerted the Antagonist, who had the Janitor go out and get the two officers to deal with the intruders. The Antagonist, then used magic to slice the baby out of its mother and heal both, so it could come down and play too.

Had you chosen to allude to Officer Cray and Smith that Mother Carol might be paying you, then the two officers would have been awake during the scene – making it even more difficult.

The only way not to have been totally murdered in this case, would have been to go upstairs, be caught by Lucky’s brother-in-law (who was in the father’s waiting room) and then been shamed into leaving, with the option of coming back the next night.

When you take the time to do the research however, it eats a day and you arrive at the hospital after Lucky’s niece has already been born and the events then unfold differently.

Anyway, is there any interest in going back to the critical point and trying again from there? Or should we call this thing?

TPK (mwuhahahahahahaha)

Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 11/3/2019 2:21:42 PM
<C. Go! But grab the manuscript first!>


While the chances of making it out of this alive appeared laughably slim, you weren’t about to leave the only thing that might explain what the hell was going on here.

“Arnold!” you yelled, scooping up the manuscript and turning to bolt for the passageway you had come in through.

Arnold started from his horrified stupor and then abruptly leaped back away from you, rather than move to follow.

‘Why is he going that way?’ you asked yourself, thinking you would have had enough time to make a break for it, with the book, as the monster had to come around from the other side of the strange aquarium to get at you.

And come around the aquarium it did! Much faster than you could have imagined! Splitting in a torus around both sides of the aquarium at once, the black oily sludge flowed like an avalanche, merging back together and surging directly at you!

Just as its tremendous bulk was about to come crashing down on you – it stopped. Looming above like a frozen wave, a myriad of those goat-iris eyes appeared on its underside – gazing at you and looking at the manuscript you had clutched to your chest.

It had you trapped though – up against the wall. Wait, no – not entirely trapped – to your left was the opening to the passageway. Why was it waiting? Was it the book? Maybe it didn’t want to damage it in some way? Maybe it meant something to the monster?

The massive black wall of quivering ooze blocked your view of the room completely. You had no idea where or what poor Arnold was doing. You only knew that you had to escape and its hesitation to outright destroy you, like it had Cole, meant you might just have a chance.

If only you could force your body to move! All you had to do was slip sideways around the corner and into the passage – get to the secret door and…

Movement in the surface of the monster abruptly drew your attention. Its eyes recessed back into its dark mass, while a huge set of teeth and fangs slowly rose into view to replace them.

That was the jolt you needed! You made your move and gained access to the passageway. Running with everything you had, you sprinted to the end and pulled the mechanism to throw open the secret door!

Something slammed you back into the far side of the passage – taking your breath away and setting your chest ablaze with pain.

Confused, you glanced back up the passageway – expecting to see the black horror – but it wasn’t there!

‘What the hell?!?’

As you slumped down the wall, leaving a bloody streak behind, you looked out the secret door into the hospital’s laboratory. There, an elderly man dressed like a janitor, held a smoking double-barrel shotgun.

“I got one of ‘em!” he crowed gleefully.

“I suppose you did,” replied a familiar voice. It was Officer Cray. Smith was there too, standing with his service revolver in hand.

You had walked right into both barrels. Your chest was obliterated. It was a miracle you were still even conscious.

Officer Smith came into the passage and crouched down, putting his revolver to your face.

“Told you that you ‘best you not go ‘round poking your nose into matters that didn’t concern you’, Lucy.”

He didn’t seem to know about your own revolver, hidden in-hand under the large blood-splattered manuscript.

“I… told you…” you gasped out, “name’s ‘Lucky’… and… I can take care… of… myself.”

You pulled the trigger.



Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 11/2/2019 12:00:29 PM
@mizal Where are all the former posters, who got us into this mess in the first place LOL!

Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 11/2/2019 11:56:49 AM


It hit you like a ton of bricks – This Was Real!

Were those baby spirits in the aquarium? Someone was collecting them like so much as pet fish? If so, what were all the names and addresses in the manuscript referring to? The soulless shells of the children born at this hospital? But why? What could it mean? Why would anyone want to do something like this? How could God let this happen?

As you tried to process the thoughts flooding into your head, you happened to glance at Arnold’s face. It was stark white – frozen in terror.

You tore yourself away from your thoughts and turned to follow his fixed gaze. There, at the back of the room, behind Cole, on the other side of the large depression in the floor. Something black and tar-like was pouring down the wall! It was flowing out of the two brick-wide shaft you had discovered in the foundation of the veranda above – this chamber being where it dropped down into.

You tried to yell a warning to Cole, whose back was turned to the roiling sludge now pooling in the large depression – but your voice failed to come out! You were paralyzed with mounting panic – primordia terror – the realization that you were the prey – the one at the bottom of the current food chain!

In mere moments, the fifteen foot wide, three foot deep gold-inlaid bowl in the floor had been filled to the brim. The black pitch-like ooze rippled with motion and abruptly sprouted a thrashing array of dark ropy tendrils. You thought you could even see strange goat-iris eyes floating in the mix – rising to the surface to blink a few times, before being washed back over and lost into its amorphous mass.

And the teeth. Oh God, it had teeth! The mind could not quite grasp how it could simultaneously have form, yet be formless!

Your fight or flight reflex then took over, the moment it had surged forward out of the bowl to engulf Cole. The poor redneck never stood a chance; his flesh boiling from his bones at the monster’s corrosive touch – while the ropy black tendrils tore his body to pieces and pulled them back into the clashing jaws.

Cole never even screamed. But you could never forget the sound of his bones snapping and crunching up in the toothy maw of the cyclopean horror, as it consumed the man.


A. Fight! Shoot it! Arnold, you too!
B. Flight! Run! Get out of there!
C. Go! But grab the manuscript first!

Tally Ho, Chapter Six on 11/2/2019 11:08:58 AM
3. Seems the least likely to involve getting shot by the muscle.

Contest:Battle in the Ruins of a Dead Civilization on 11/1/2019 9:53:53 AM
Pew pew!

Contest:Battle in the Ruins of a Dead Civilization on 11/1/2019 9:52:49 AM
Instead of the rear of the battleship, there was a piece of paper stapled to the ship that just read "Aft."

"F," intoned Lt. Cricket, and everyone nodded.

This! ^v^