ISentinelPenguinI, The Novelist
One day I had a test, and the teacher farted, and then this kid bent over to pick up his pencil, and everyone was scared because they thought they heard a gunshot and there was a school shooting, but actually it was a deafeningly loud flatulence emitted from the kid who picked up his pencil, with such tremendous force and pressure that his pants had ripped open and were smoking. And everyone was laughing, but the kid was pissed.
He got up on his chair and screamed something like, "OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY DO YOU!?"
He grabbed one of the girls, and there were many gasps, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU ASSHOLES FUNNY!"
He shoved the girl out of the way, and took a massive shit on her desk. The class laughed, and even applauded. For the first 2 minutes, at least, but the kid would not stop shitting. Eventually it overloaded the desk and started to drop onto the floor. At 5 minutes, the giggles gave way to horrified screams. Worms and blood started to appear within the shit, and the oils of his eyes were diluting with lymph and starting to drip down his face.
10 minutes, and he was shitting this constant stream of worms like a faucet, they were pooling out underneath him and writhing over each other, burrowing into whatever they could find. The floor was too hard for them, but they found the girl's shoes. You could hear them chewing on everything they could find. They made little clicking noises wherever they bit on something, it was like dumping one bag of marbles into another... But then they found the girl's flesh underneath her shoes and socks, and boy howdy...
The worm hoard sort of swarmed her and started burrowing into whatever bits and bobs they could find. As they chewed, it sounded like those aforementioned marbles were being poured into a bowl of semi-hard jello. A thousand little splats in an orgy of blood and gluttony.
"CAERBOG PROVIDES!" Screamed the fart kid, "CAERBOG EXTRICATES!"
He just kept shitting worms and screaming about our glorious holy lord and savior Caerbog. Just sitting there. The worms turned to eyeballs all melted and grafted together, and the molten skin of his rectum slowly started dribbling down between his legs, but he just kept going. His real eyes were totally gone by this point, and actually his bare testicles were dangling out of one eyehole by their epidydimus, but what was even funnier was that a little horse fetus (Couldn't be more than two months) was desperately trying to escape from his head, but he was too big to fit through the eyeholes, so he just kept squealing and stamping impotently at the walls of his flesh prison.
Eventually, the eyes and the worms and the shit were creating this massive pool of shit that was ankle-deep over the floor of the room, and the girl being eaten by the worms was now a skeleton full of boreholes and tiny bitemarks. The class started really laughing their asses off as her jaw fell off, and one kid even fell out of his chair laughing and was devoured by worms, eyes-first.
The kid just kept on shitting. His legs had been worn down by worms into just nubs of flesh, so no one was surpised when the entire lower part of his torso burst open and started spraying eyeballs and bloody shit everywhere.
"CAERBOG PROVIDES! CAERBOG EXTRICATES! CAERBOG EXTRICAAAATES!" he screamed. More kids laughed themselves into the waist-deep pile of worms.
The teacher just stood on his desk with a look of utter disappointment on his face.
"Caerbog does not exist, you zealous religious faggot." Said the teacher, driving a knife into his belly as the holy purgative fires of Caerbog began biting into the flesh of his taint.
Long story short, the kid got a detention, and our sides fucking exploded that day. Even the fucked up skeleton whose desk he shat on was laughing. You can still hear her laughing if you put your ear to her grave. It's just underneath the floorboards of the basketball court.
It was so hilarious though. You had to be there for the full effect. He was just squatting over her desk with the same strained look on his face the whole time. I mean, while he could still squat and move his face, I guess.
If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.
this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk
I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he recommended. This was low-effort as all hell, don't ever use the classic editor for anything you care about.
AQIMFTBHOIA DLC: THE UPDATE DESCRIPTION
Since some of my questions contained outdated information and I needed to make sure everything was in working order, I unpublished this thing. Since I understand this to be something that generally fucks with ratings, I'm gonna add 5 more questions so you have more of a reason to rate it again. Also, every question now has a stupid answer. These are the ones that are so blatantly wrong/non-answers that they give you negative points... Some are better hidden than others. Aside from most of the endings being revamped, there are two new endings! One is for people who're spectacularly awful at quizzes, and the other is an ending for people who go off the beaten path... By being really bad at quizzes.
No, I will not add a thing at the end that shows your score. If you want to know your score, you have to dick-measure in the comments yourself. Drill Sergeant Nasty has always been an accurate barometer for how well you did, in my eyes.
fucking bullshit ass fuck dammit shit asshole tits on a duck fucking a pile of dipshit dumbfuck ass.
Flame Wars Dice Roller.
Just a little story to see how I can place my pictures around text.
In a strange world where World War I hasn't even happened yet, Law and order is the only accepted form of justice. Until NOW.
Enter Mild-Mannered Clifford T. Boot, 2nd class passenger on the world-famous vessel, the Titanic. Haunted by the shadows of his war-torn past, Clifford bought a ticket to the United States of America looking for a new life. But trouble always finds Clifford, and when an innocent widow and her child are kidnapped by a cult dedicated to resurrecting Napoleon, he has no choice but to return to his old ways and save them... Because for some motherfuckers, mass tragedy doesn't come soon enough.
Articles WrittenA Tutorial for Teachers
Recent PostsWhy Are You Gay? (Pride Month) on 6/13/2019 5:56:46 PM
Thanks to the wonders of this woman who has transcended the veil, I now know that I, a man, am simply incapable of writing good female characters without a co-author, or estrogen pills...
Interesting comments 4 on 6/12/2019 6:55:18 PM
Wait! We don't have to do anything drastic!... Maybe I just have some sort of weird spiderbot following me whenever I read something that reviews storygames using phrases that I type a lot? We should really check to make sure nobody brought in any adware. Maybe Bo infected us again.
Poll: Vault CYS on 6/12/2019 6:15:45 PM
I always somehow knew when this thread went up that I'd be someone's version of Piggy in Lord of the Flies!
I also always knew there would one day be a time when I didn't regret reading that book!
Two of my wishes came true in one day. I can only hope that all this longterm planning doesn't go to waste when Mayana kills me in my sleep for rambling about wizard books in Mizal's Very Serious Hypotheticals.
Interesting comments 4 on 6/12/2019 2:18:35 PM
Somebody in the discord must be playing tricks, unless I've mentioned Dreggnion here. That is his gimmick, but unless I got drunk and started rating random stories with voices in my head I think I would remember this
Interesting comments 4 on 6/12/2019 1:00:48 PM
It is. Or, at least, I thought it was? Is somebody else using that name?
HELLO, I LIKE RAPE! on 6/7/2019 12:06:14 PM
It's not over until everybody gets a turn making fun of your easily defeated point. It's a socialist state of mockery here at CYS.
HELLO, I LIKE RAPE! on 6/7/2019 11:52:58 AM
Let's explore the definition of Porn, shall we?
printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feeling
Porn isn't allowed here. What is allowed are certain, brief, classy, not-even-really-all-that-specific, (and believe you me, I've seen the specifics. Even the most depraved of Suzy's escapades are more like a brisk summary.) sexual descriptions and references for either atmospheric, romantic, or comedic effect. Romance stories include sexual references to emphasize the bond between characters... If they ever do that at all? Romance is actually one of the more sexless genres on the site. Madglee added in a sentence about butt-orgasm to MCIGOAKT in order to establish the feeling of being an up-and-coming Pharmacist living in a rundown apartment in a rough neighborhood where your fiancee is one of the few upsides. Horror stories include graphic sexual acts and references to shock, disgust, and emphasize the trauma of the event.
And others still (Namely Endmaster, the most prolific descriptor of weenis and wongus on this website) write about it because, frankly, absurd and morally depraved sex acts are inherently funny. Especially if they incorporate a healthy dose of tonal whiplash. Well, that and it adds a layer of delicious dramatic complication between the Eternal and that stupid elf milf everybody's always yelling about, but that's definitely more the fault of perverted weeb readers than his.
Phrases I don't understand on 5/31/2019 5:42:55 AM
SHAME has already been adequately covered, so I'll explain the other ones in a little more detail.
"HELL" isn't actually named HELL. It's called "Larimar's Playhouse", because that's where the Furry Bot harrasses all the people who are forced to live there. Those who have witnessed this horror in its early days call it "Furry Hell", but it's just become increasingly HELL-Like over the years as the bot becomes smarter and more fully comprehensive.
Don't tag End. Chances are, he's reading whatever he needs to see. If he isn't posting, it doesn't mean he isn't there. And if there's something he really needs to see, as in, you feel like somebody's genuinely breaking the rules and you need to report it to a mod, then tagging him once works just as well. Tagging Endmaster 3 times only serves to annoy him, and it's a practice typically taken up by older members to "prank" more annoying members who haven't gotten wise to things like this (like telling someone to say owo in discord) because what End really does is show up and ban the user who tagged him 3 times for their annoyance. Y'know, like Bloody Mary.
CYStia is the name of the "fantasy world" version of the site. Or, the name of CYS (ChooseYourStory) as if it were a country and not a website. As far as I know, this originated in the Forum Games back when those existed. But it has since moved on to encompass CYS as a realm in short stories that (often satirically) allegorize site history and any current events in the IF world that concern site members. It's not a pretty name, and it's unwieldly in the mouth, but it caught on a lot better than "Storygamia", "Ceyastora", "Ceylon" and some other gay shit that was suggested by literal 13 year olds 8 or 9 years ago.
What kind of god would you be? on 5/23/2019 11:32:09 PM
Somebody clearly hasn't been praying to the God of Precariously Holding Razors at Exact Angles and Carefully Sawing Parallel to Your Skin.
~1000 words about HUMANS on 5/23/2019 3:48:51 PM
It's not even a dish. It's a single bean, made of gold. The Golden Frijoles are a common prize in all my challenges. If anything, Cricket would appreciate it more, because it's literally a larger mass of gold than she is a mass of cricket.
Just for your insolence and your pitiful White Guy Translation Skills, I'm doubling Cricket's winnings. FOUR Frijoles!