ISentinelPenguinI, The Novelist

Member Since

4/4/2013

Last Activity

8/15/2018 5:52 AM

EXP Points

1,341

Post Count

8457

Storygame Count

1

Duel Stats

76 wins / 82 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

25

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One day I had a test, and the teacher farted, and then this kid bent over to pick up his pencil, and everyone was scared because they thought they heard a gunshot and there was a school shooting, but actually it was a deafeningly loud flatulence emitted from the kid who picked up his pencil, with such tremendous force and pressure that his pants had ripped open and were smoking. And everyone was laughing, but the kid was pissed.

He got up on his chair and screamed something like, "OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY DO YOU!?"

He grabbed one of the girls, and there were many gasps, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU ASSHOLES FUNNY!"

He shoved the girl out of the way, and took a massive shit on her desk. The class laughed, and even applauded. For the first 2 minutes, at least, but the kid would not stop shitting. Eventually it overloaded the desk and started to drop onto the floor.  At 5 minutes, the giggles gave way to horrified screams. Worms and blood started to appear within the shit, and the oils of his eyes were diluting with lymph and starting to drip down his face.

10 minutes, and he was shitting this constant stream of worms like a faucet, they were pooling out underneath him and writhing over each other, burrowing into whatever they could find. The floor was too hard for them, but they found the girl's shoes. You could hear them chewing on everything they could find. They made little clicking noises wherever they bit on something, it was like dumping one bag of marbles into another... But then they found the girl's flesh underneath her shoes and socks, and boy howdy...

The worm hoard sort of swarmed her and started burrowing into whatever bits and bobs they could find. As they chewed, it sounded like those aforementioned marbles were being poured into a bowl of semi-hard jello. A thousand little splats in an orgy of blood and gluttony.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES!" Screamed the fart kid, "CAERBOG EXTRICATES!"

He just kept shitting worms and screaming about our glorious holy lord and savior Caerbog. Just sitting there. The worms turned to eyeballs all melted and grafted together, and the molten skin of his rectum slowly started dribbling down between his legs, but he just kept going. His real eyes were totally gone by this point, and actually his bare testicles were dangling out of one eyehole by their epidydimus, but what was even funnier was that a little horse fetus (Couldn't be more than two months) was desperately trying to escape from his head, but he was too big to fit through the eyeholes, so he just kept squealing and stamping impotently at the walls of his flesh prison.

Eventually, the eyes and the worms and the shit were creating this massive pool of shit that was ankle-deep over the floor of the room, and the girl being eaten by the worms was now a skeleton full of boreholes and tiny bitemarks. The class started really laughing their asses off as her jaw fell off, and one kid even fell out of his chair laughing and was devoured by worms, eyes-first.

The kid just kept on shitting. His legs had been worn down by worms into just nubs of flesh, so no one was surpised when the entire lower part of his torso burst open and started spraying eyeballs and bloody shit everywhere.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES! CAERBOG EXTRICATES! CAERBOG EXTRICAAAATES!" he screamed. More kids laughed themselves into the waist-deep pile of worms.

The teacher just stood on his desk with a look of utter disappointment on his face.

"Caerbog does not exist, you zealous religious faggot." Said the teacher, driving a knife into his belly as the holy purgative fires of Caerbog began biting into the flesh of his taint.

Long story short, the kid got a detention, and our sides fucking exploded that day. Even the fucked up skeleton whose desk he shat on was laughing. You can still hear her laughing if you put your ear to her grave. It's just underneath the floorboards of the basketball court.

It was so hilarious though. You had to be there for the full effect. He was just squatting over her desk with the same strained look on his face the whole time. I mean, while he could still squat and move his face, I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Posting 8457 Forum Posts

Storygames

Randomly Walk II, The epic sequel.

this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk


A Quiz I made for the Blatant Hell of it All. *CLOSED FOR REPAIRS*
unpublished

I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he recommended. This was low-effort as all hell, don't ever use the classic editor for anything you care about.

AQIMFTBHOIA DLC: THE UPDATE DESCRIPTION

Since some of my questions contained outdated information and I needed to make sure everything was in working order, I unpublished this thing. Since I understand this to be something that generally fucks with ratings, I'm gonna add 5 more questions so you have more of a reason to rate it again. Also, every question now has a stupid answer. These are the ones that are so blatantly wrong/non-answers that they give you negative points... Some are better hidden than others. Aside from most of the endings being revamped, there are two new endings! One is for people who're spectacularly awful at quizzes, and the other is an ending for people who go off the beaten path... By being really  bad at quizzes.

No, I will not add a thing at the end that shows your score. If you want to know your score, you have to dick-measure in the comments yourself. Drill Sergeant Nasty has always been an accurate barometer for how well you did, in my eyes.


biddleshite
unpublished

fucking bullshit ass fuck dammit shit asshole tits on a duck fucking a pile of dipshit dumbfuck ass.


FWDR
unpublished

Flame Wars Dice Roller.


Pictures Test
unpublished

Just a little story to see how I can place my pictures around text.


WHUPASS ON THE TITANIC
unpublished

In a strange world where World War I hasn't even happened yet, Law and order is the only accepted form of justice. Until NOW.

Enter Mild-Mannered Clifford T. Boot, 2nd class passenger on the world-famous vessel, the Titanic. Haunted by the shadows of his war-torn past, Clifford bought a ticket to the United States of America looking for a new life. But trouble always finds Clifford, and when an innocent widow and her child are kidnapped by a cult dedicated to resurrecting Napoleon, he has no choice but to return to his old ways and save them... Because for some motherfuckers, mass tragedy doesn't come soon enough.


Articles Written

A Tutorial for Teachers
Exasperated but optimistic advice for those who would like to assign storygames as school projects or for any other school purposes.

Recent Posts

Write Thirty Words Thirty Times on 8/14/2018 9:23:22 PM

Jimmy the dog jumped up again, trying to see out the window. Sure, it's the moon, but the lunar base had windows, and he wanted to see what was happening. Nathan, his owner, reached down and ruffled his ears. "Ready to go?" he asked with a chuckle. His mom thought he was crazy for bringing the big English Setter to Seraphim 5, but the truth was that the boys were inseparable ever since Jimmy saved his owner during the harrowing camping incident at Shadow Mountain. It was only reasonable that the two would become the best of friends because of that. 

Jimmy barked, happy that his owner wanted to go out with him. He began to scratch at the door, then barked when he heard someone knocking on the other side. "Calm down," Nathan said, opening the door. He tried to shut it again when he saw their visitor was his ex, Victoria, but she quickly blocked the door with her foot. 

“Come now, is that any way to treat a lady?” she asked, as she pushed her way into the door. 

Nathan gulped nervously. He hated that bitch, but another part of him (literally) told him he didn't. Jimmy the dog barked excitedly at this intruder, his tail wagging. 

Before either could react, Victoria jammed a needle in Nathan's neck. When he awoke, he was on a ship arriving at Mars, minus his wallet. He groaned. Jimmy barked happily. Nathan tried to clear his head and realized that he could not feel his legs. He looked down to see that they had been hacked off just below the knees. 

“Ugh,” Nathan groaned, and dropped his head back down against the floor. That bitch is evil. My wallet? Sure. My legs though? Come on. Those fucking prosthetics cost a fortune. Using what little strength his noodle arms had, Nathan dragged himself into a little red wagon nearby. Hitching Jimmy's leash to the handle, Nathan was mobile again. 

Nathan scanned the room for anything that could get back to Seraphim 5. Jimmy saw a mouse scamper by and rushed towards it, taking Nathan with him. The mouse was biomechanical, augmented to derive nutrients from cleaning filth. The animal cruelty folks got up in arms about it, but low-budget freighters always had these. It would likely lead them to a garbage chute. 

"Jimmy, stop!" he yelled, frantic. 

"Whoa!" a crewmember exclaimed, managing to halt the wagon. "That dog can really run! You should enter him in the race." 

"Race?" Nathan asked, confused. "What race?" 

"The 142nd Semi-Annual Dog Race," the crewmember explained. "It's 3 kilometers long." The crewmember then added, "Which is about 2 miles long." 

Nathan glanced at his stumps. 

"That won't stop you from racing. Assuming Turbowagon doesn't bump you off the track." 

The crewmember tears up, looking down at his feet, which have numerous ingrown toenails. "Don't miss this opportunity to win prize money you can use to buy yourself wonderful new feet!" 

"We're leaving right now!" Nathan decided. 

When Nathan and Jimmy turned to leave, the crewmember shouted, "Hey! If you do end up trying out for that race, you should know the renowned dog racing champion, Victoria, will be there!" Nathan raised a hand to acknowledge the crew member on their way out. Half hoping it’s the Victoria they know, and half hoping it’s not. 

After a few misadventures, they arrived at the track. "It's about time you got here," Victoria said, scratching her dachshund's ears. "You nearly missed the deadline." 

"All contestants to the starting line!" came the announcement. 

"Bitch! You stole my legs!" 

"Nathan, is now really the time? Besides, you needed to get off the moon! You needed adventure! And I needed to pay off the mob."

"The MOB!?"

"Shh! I just gotta avoid the reptoids 'till I've paid it off! Figured you'd be a shoe-in for 5th. It's good to have chaff taking up the roster."


Magikarp's Mexican Adventure on 8/14/2018 9:17:11 PM

If I just completely lost my will to live for anything in the real world, I could totally shave my head and be your very own Prison Albino. Every badass gang has one, I've seen Movies!


OFFICIAL official CYS Discord on 8/12/2018 4:59:58 PM

FOR FUTURE REFERENCE: IMMIGRATION PAPERS ARE MANDATORY.

Because the CYS discord is a place for cool kids only, it's also subject to extreme vetting. On the off chance that all the people we're kicking aren't just alts of the same people not admitting it, or they really are just newbies who jumped on the discord before jumping on the site, YOUR ACCOUNT NAME IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO STAY HERE. If you're not a member of CYS, then frankly what are you even doing? If you really do just join Discords and immediately stop reading them, or you happen to have the reaction time of an autistic slug, then at least do the reverse and post who you're supposed to be on Discord here and save us all the trouble.

The username in the discord is preferred, though. You immediately lose brownie points for making us do anything in another tab just to confirm who you are.


Opinions on freeze peach on 8/9/2018 1:22:03 PM

I believe people like Alex Jones have a right to be entertainingly schizophrenic snake oil salesmen wherever they damn well please, and Youtube should not have removed my favorite Sci-Fi worldbuilding channel from its medium. However, I feel like it should be different for small places like us to prune our minimalistic bonsai of the internet from its disruptive and obnoxious branches. But mostly I just believe in things that directly benefit me and people I know, because that's what everyone does.


Write Thirty Words Thirty Times on 8/9/2018 1:10:48 PM

Jimmy the dog jumped up again, trying to see out the window. Sure, it's the moon, but the lunar base had windows, and he wanted to see what was happening. Nathan, his owner, reached down and ruffled his ears. "Ready to go?" he asked with a chuckle. His mom thought he was crazy for bringing the big English Setter to Seraphim 5, but the truth was that the boys were inseparable ever since Jimmy saved his owner during the harrowing camping incident at Shadow Mountain. It was only reasonable that the two would become the best of friends because of that.

Jimmy barked, happy that his owner wanted to go out with him. He began to scratch at the door, then barked when he heard someone knocking on the other side. "Calm down," Nathan said, opening the door. He tried to shut it again when he saw their visitor was his ex, Victoria, but she quickly blocked the door with her foot.

“Come now, is that any way to treat a lady?” she asked, as she pushed her way into the door.

Nathan gulped nervously. He hated that bitch, but another part of him (literally) told him he didn't. Jimmy the dog barked excitedly at this intruder, his tail wagging.

Before either could react, Victoria jammed a needle in Nathan's neck. When he awoke, he was on a ship arriving at Mars, minus his wallet. He groaned. Jimmy barked happily. Nathan tried to clear his head and realized that he could not feel his legs. He looked down to see that they had been hacked off just below the knees.

“Ugh,” Nathan groaned, and dropped his head back down against the floor. That bitch is evil. My wallet? Sure. My legs though? Come on. Those fucking prosthetics cost a fortune. Using what little strength his noodle arms had, Nathan dragged himself into a little red wagon nearby. Hitching Jimmy's leash to the handle, Nathan was mobile again.

Nathan scanned the room for anything that could get back to Seraphim 5. Jimmy saw a mouse scamper by and rushed towards it, taking Nathan with him. The mouse was biomechanical, augmented to derive nutrients from cleaning filth. The animal cruelty folks got up in arms about it, but low-budget freighters always had these. It would likely lead them


General World Events Thread on 8/6/2018 1:21:02 PM

For a racist, God sure has a thing for Asian Women.


Write Thirty Words Thirty Times on 8/6/2018 12:18:51 PM

Jimmy the dog jumped up again, trying to see out the window. Sure, it’s the moon, but the lunar base had windows, and he wanted to see what was happening. Nathan, his owner, reached down and ruffled his ears. "Ready to go?" he asked with a chuckle. His mom thought he was crazy for bringing the big English Setter to Seraphim 5, but the truth was that the boys were inseperable ever since Jimmy saved his owner during that harrowing camping incident at Shadow Mountain. It was only reasonable that


Stardew Valley Multiplayer on 8/4/2018 5:37:05 PM

Wasn't that always basically the ending if you date every marriagable person of one sex or the other at once?


Treating depression with cheese pizza on 8/3/2018 10:34:44 AM

I mean, if he didn't he might have just been selling the child porn to pedphiles, which would uncover much more of a conspiracy.


Treating depression with child porn on 8/2/2018 8:16:23 PM

I find it funny how you compare Child Porn to addictive stimulants like Marijuana. Are you implying that fapping to child porn makes you increasingly more pedophilic over time?