ISentinelPenguinI, The Novelist

Member Since

4/4/2013

Last Activity

10/17/2018 4:38 PM

EXP Points

1,401

Post Count

8490

Storygame Count

1

Duel Stats

77 wins / 82 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

32

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One day I had a test, and the teacher farted, and then this kid bent over to pick up his pencil, and everyone was scared because they thought they heard a gunshot and there was a school shooting, but actually it was a deafeningly loud flatulence emitted from the kid who picked up his pencil, with such tremendous force and pressure that his pants had ripped open and were smoking. And everyone was laughing, but the kid was pissed.

He got up on his chair and screamed something like, "OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY DO YOU!?"

He grabbed one of the girls, and there were many gasps, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU ASSHOLES FUNNY!"

He shoved the girl out of the way, and took a massive shit on her desk. The class laughed, and even applauded. For the first 2 minutes, at least, but the kid would not stop shitting. Eventually it overloaded the desk and started to drop onto the floor.  At 5 minutes, the giggles gave way to horrified screams. Worms and blood started to appear within the shit, and the oils of his eyes were diluting with lymph and starting to drip down his face.

10 minutes, and he was shitting this constant stream of worms like a faucet, they were pooling out underneath him and writhing over each other, burrowing into whatever they could find. The floor was too hard for them, but they found the girl's shoes. You could hear them chewing on everything they could find. They made little clicking noises wherever they bit on something, it was like dumping one bag of marbles into another... But then they found the girl's flesh underneath her shoes and socks, and boy howdy...

The worm hoard sort of swarmed her and started burrowing into whatever bits and bobs they could find. As they chewed, it sounded like those aforementioned marbles were being poured into a bowl of semi-hard jello. A thousand little splats in an orgy of blood and gluttony.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES!" Screamed the fart kid, "CAERBOG EXTRICATES!"

He just kept shitting worms and screaming about our glorious holy lord and savior Caerbog. Just sitting there. The worms turned to eyeballs all melted and grafted together, and the molten skin of his rectum slowly started dribbling down between his legs, but he just kept going. His real eyes were totally gone by this point, and actually his bare testicles were dangling out of one eyehole by their epidydimus, but what was even funnier was that a little horse fetus (Couldn't be more than two months) was desperately trying to escape from his head, but he was too big to fit through the eyeholes, so he just kept squealing and stamping impotently at the walls of his flesh prison.

Eventually, the eyes and the worms and the shit were creating this massive pool of shit that was ankle-deep over the floor of the room, and the girl being eaten by the worms was now a skeleton full of boreholes and tiny bitemarks. The class started really laughing their asses off as her jaw fell off, and one kid even fell out of his chair laughing and was devoured by worms, eyes-first.

The kid just kept on shitting. His legs had been worn down by worms into just nubs of flesh, so no one was surpised when the entire lower part of his torso burst open and started spraying eyeballs and bloody shit everywhere.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES! CAERBOG EXTRICATES! CAERBOG EXTRICAAAATES!" he screamed. More kids laughed themselves into the waist-deep pile of worms.

The teacher just stood on his desk with a look of utter disappointment on his face.

"Caerbog does not exist, you zealous religious faggot." Said the teacher, driving a knife into his belly as the holy purgative fires of Caerbog began biting into the flesh of his taint.

Long story short, the kid got a detention, and our sides fucking exploded that day. Even the fucked up skeleton whose desk he shat on was laughing. You can still hear her laughing if you put your ear to her grave. It's just underneath the floorboards of the basketball court.

It was so hilarious though. You had to be there for the full effect. He was just squatting over her desk with the same strained look on his face the whole time. I mean, while he could still squat and move his face, I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Posting 8490 Forum Posts

Storygames

Randomly Walk II, The epic sequel.

this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk


A Quiz I made for the Blatant Hell of it All. *CLOSED FOR REPAIRS*
unpublished

I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he recommended. This was low-effort as all hell, don't ever use the classic editor for anything you care about.

AQIMFTBHOIA DLC: THE UPDATE DESCRIPTION

Since some of my questions contained outdated information and I needed to make sure everything was in working order, I unpublished this thing. Since I understand this to be something that generally fucks with ratings, I'm gonna add 5 more questions so you have more of a reason to rate it again. Also, every question now has a stupid answer. These are the ones that are so blatantly wrong/non-answers that they give you negative points... Some are better hidden than others. Aside from most of the endings being revamped, there are two new endings! One is for people who're spectacularly awful at quizzes, and the other is an ending for people who go off the beaten path... By being really  bad at quizzes.

No, I will not add a thing at the end that shows your score. If you want to know your score, you have to dick-measure in the comments yourself. Drill Sergeant Nasty has always been an accurate barometer for how well you did, in my eyes.


biddleshite
unpublished

fucking bullshit ass fuck dammit shit asshole tits on a duck fucking a pile of dipshit dumbfuck ass.


FWDR
unpublished

Flame Wars Dice Roller.


Pictures Test
unpublished

Just a little story to see how I can place my pictures around text.


WHUPASS ON THE TITANIC
unpublished

In a strange world where World War I hasn't even happened yet, Law and order is the only accepted form of justice. Until NOW.

Enter Mild-Mannered Clifford T. Boot, 2nd class passenger on the world-famous vessel, the Titanic. Haunted by the shadows of his war-torn past, Clifford bought a ticket to the United States of America looking for a new life. But trouble always finds Clifford, and when an innocent widow and her child are kidnapped by a cult dedicated to resurrecting Napoleon, he has no choice but to return to his old ways and save them... Because for some motherfuckers, mass tragedy doesn't come soon enough.


Articles Written

A Tutorial for Teachers
Exasperated but optimistic advice for those who would like to assign storygames as school projects or for any other school purposes.

Recent Posts

Fiddling, Diddling and Supreme Court twiddling on 10/5/2018 6:49:10 PM

Apparently he's going to be confirmed. I guess if you start crying and admit to frequently getting blackout drunk during your job interview, your coworkers will stand behind you as long as you're conservative enough that the majority party will desperately want you to be in power.


The use of Metaphor by Kerouac and Virgil on 9/19/2018 11:18:30 AM

I agree with Chris. For an objective third-person narrator, unless something is either really important, or difficult to describe in accessible terms without using metaphor, probably err on the side that isn't purple prose. You can pretty it up later if it really sounds boring without them. Similes and metaphors are best used from the point of view of characters, whether it's in dialogue or first-person narration. It allows them to explain their view of things in a good economy of words, and if you want to extrapolate, you can really give a good idea of how somebody thinks or what they've experienced by the otherwise unrelated imagery they associate with whatever they're talking about.

For example, somebody who makes a lot of violent metaphors to describe everyday things is probably bitter and resentful to be associating struggle or destruction with just their lives. Or maybe they aren't like that. Maybe they tend to struggle a lot for things they want in life, so using a fight as an analogue to describe things in life just comes naturally. Or, if they have a lot of past experience of violence, you can use this kind of talk to show how they probably have a very casual or irreverent view of it. There's a lot of directions you can take this with the power of context and further exploration of the character in general. Though, besides just violence, it could be expanded to all manner of broad topics and tones.

It's a very relatable to develop characters by analogising through their personal lense, and it sounds pretty and smart without having to use words that make you sound pretentious, so it's prevalent as hell in Noir, Pulp, and other things where masculine manly characters are also deeply emotionally aware and express themselves to the reader as things happen. Though, you'll also find it in Romance, Suspense, and Horror novels. The first two is because they're powerful tools for evoking and describing emotions and other abstract things when used correctly, and the third because it's easy to feel like you've painted a vivid image while still making the reader do the work of scaring themselves. And it's also a hallmark of written porn, not least because porn tends to be the genre of amateur writers, and when real writers do it they tend to be poorly practiced at it because who the fuck writes porn for god's sake, but it's also important to the genre because there's only so many different ways an attractive person can appear, you gotta spice things up sometimes with a touch of abstraction and mysticism here and there. It's also prevalent in anything where the narrator is an extraneous character, like in stories with no fourth wall, or a Lemony Snickett story, because let's be honest Lemony is like an extra character in most of his books.

The last prose genre I can think of where metaphors are the order of the day is Bizarro, because bizarro is a purple genre written by people who are either on shroooms and hanging barely onto lucidity, or by people who want to sound like people who are on shrooms and barely hanging onto lucidity. Metaphors come fast and easy to the brain, and you'll find it a lot in their psuedo automatic-writing style. A particular favorite of mine comes early in the pages of Flan by Stephen Tunney, which goes something like this: "[He felt] an icy blue fear that tore the skin off his back and ran over the exposed nerves with ball-bearings."

If I'm being honest, that's probably one of my favorite metaphors I've ever read, and I often strive to make more metaphors like it whenever I get the chance as an exercise. Though for practical purposes I try not to do that so much in my stories just because you need a bit of objectivity to tell what the fuck is going on.


Old Elliot Rodger on 9/13/2018 11:35:02 PM

That's true, Ryder seem very dissatisfied with fucking his cat. Maybe Elliot was like his Luigi-style effeminate twin who always gets shit on from the audience point of view.


Old Elliot Rodger on 9/13/2018 5:28:09 PM

He seemed to believe he was entitled to everything. Few sources mention his fucking obession with Lottery Tickets.

He looks and writes so much like Ryder, I guess we know why he really left.


New Tags on 9/11/2018 3:36:31 PM

Geared for masochists sounds harsh, and considering people who like that kind of experience might not see it that way (And considering that people use tags primarily to "advertise" the content of their game) it doesn't seem like it would be that good of a moniker for people outside the edgelord camp. I would consider something semi-RPG-like and full of death like the House of Danger book End was playing to be Grognard Games, as well as anything else that would play out like an old-fashioned adventure game in text form. MCIGOAKT and Berka's games are also unironically enjoyable, and they're full of the typical grognard things where it has puzzles, mechanics, and it's not just a choice-by-choice format and actually fairly difficult to find the best endings. A tag should ideally be able to have awesome storygames as well as not-so-good-ones and still fit. That's how you know it has a good range. Masochists only bring the negative aspects to mind.


A Chess Game On A Cloudy Day on 9/11/2018 11:54:31 AM

It's a pretty cool flash that has interesting little layers to it. I like it! I'm tempted to ask Mizal to keep you in furry hell just so you'll have to continue it, but that'd be kind of evil. So, uh, I would vouch for this.


Digits awsome story on 9/11/2018 11:17:24 AM

fuck you didgit that's not how it works


Coins' Awesome Story, Great Job! on 9/11/2018 11:14:43 AM

I'm not sure if you could do better sheerly because this is the first time I've ever seen you write more than a few paragraphs of fiction, outside of your storygame, which was okay but not as funny, and your Architect faction propaganda, which was actually pretty good but it could have been a fluke.

The wording was kind of clunky, often going too long without punctuation and separating ideas. You could do well trying to beat out your jokes out loud so that they have a punchier rhythm. Nonetheless, it had some jokes and imagery that made me chuckle with sleep-deprivation. It's not commendation-worthy by any means, but at least we forced you to write something, which is like a tiny win in itself. But seeing how rushed and forced this story is, it seems like force isn't the way to go if you're gonna get around to writing something that might earn a commendation.

5/10, I'll flip a coin on whether or not Coins gets out.


New Tags on 9/11/2018 2:50:52 AM

If that's the case, I'm sure there should instead be something easier to explain than Geared for Extremists, since its logical antithesis, Geared for Children, seemed to imply that it was more of an age or content thing, considering the community took it to mean it was intended for the junior set rather than being low-maturity simply for the lack of offensive things in it. If it was sheerly due to the length and complexity of a storygame, there could be a "Geared for Grognards" tag or somesuch thing for games that have hard mechanics and getting through them generally isn't a casual task.


Aro_Penguin...? on 9/7/2018 2:56:52 PM

I mean, it's strange, I DIDN'T think she was familiar...?

Wow maybe mizal has finally gone mad with power. 9.9 What a rock-throwing twatwaffle.