Player Comments on The death of Michael Walker

If this were longer/ more fleshed out, it would be quite a good little mystery. You're clearly a competent writer, and you've absolutely nailed the tone generally employed in CYOA mystery. This story just doesn't have enough substance. It's more of a 90-second mystery than a CYOA.

You don't investigate the scene, and you interview each suspect only once.

There is exactly one actual choice in the game: picking the killer.

Spoilers--
Things which make little sense: If you choose incorrectly, the real killer murders your suspect, for no discernible reason. they also murder you, in an *extremely* implausible fashion. (I could see it maybe working if we were a frail spinster, but I think we're supposed to be an adult male.)

I thought it was OK. I agree that three different death links all linking to Death by Pastry isn't great, especially since it's all about playing the game or not. If I didn't want to actually take the case I wouldn't have played the game.
***SPOILERS***
Also, I agree with Paul. Why would the Killer pick to shoot me if (s)he's nothing against me and I've actually blamed someone besides her? I also find the motive a bit weak, because they're the least involved of anyone and Michael's inside trading is already being investigated, so it wasn't great, though the clue was actually quite good.

Read beyong the first couple of pages and you realise there is actually more to this story than death by pastry. It isn't particularly elaborate though and could do with some more options besides talking with people, such as searching the scene of the crime, looking up files on the suspects, etc.

Despite its minimalism, the author shows that he or she is capable of writing decently, so kudos for that. What could help the story improve is A) making the story longer, B) making more diverse choices and C) linking the choices to more sensible consequences.

[POTENTIAL SPOILER ALERT] Is the fate you suffer by selecting the wrong culprit really possible? Just think about who you are and what they would be capable of doing to you... ^^ [POTENTIAL SPOILER ALERT OVER]

You could make the story longer by making a new chapter for instance. Every time you make a mistake, one of the other suspects dies off. I would subjectively find that quite thrilling!

As far as most mystery CYOA’s go I feel this had potential but just wasn’t executed properly. Honestly the lack of content is the biggest point against the story overall.

If there were more clues added or a buildup of momentum to the crime itself like you see in most detective stories it would have a higher rating. There is also the repetitiveness of deaths on the death screens which you can get creative with and make more interesting ways to die.

The interview element of mysteries was present however I feel the story would have greatly benefited from an evidence gathering portion where you search for clues around the murder scene. A detective character with a unique personality can also go a long way in developing a good mystery.

Overall those were the main issues I took notice of, so this story has the skeleton of a good mystery it just needs some work.

i like it

A solid mystery story.

5/8

Like pastry, small but sweet...

Now THIS is detective material. This gave me sheer enjoyment in working my logic in order to find the killer. The details were precisely stated, and the reasonings as to WHY that person was the killer connected all my suspicions.

We could use a heck of a lot more of stories of this caliber. A not-too-noticed gem that clearly deserves to be noticed.

I have to say, you're great at this thing. Perhaps you might compose some more in the future?

Although in the end parts if you pick the wrong person, he or she and you die without reason given, they did not really detract from the experience seeing as one could certainly deduce that you died in order to prevent you from actually finding out the TRUE killer, and that the wrong person you selected was also killed because he or she might give out more details which would point the dirty finger in the true killer's direction.

All in all an excellent job, though it could have been longer. You deserve every cent. 6/8.

Felt like I was watching the old Clue movie. Not terrible but could use a bit more detail in everyone's stories

Meh, the answer was quite obvious to me. It employed many of the stereotypical things to throw off the reader such as *SEMI-SPOILER* nobody believed that the murderer was, in fact, the murderer.

I'm dead owo
How can I remember to put work in front of my craving for a pastry when I'm dead?

This was an ok mirder mystery

good but short

Nice test of deductive reasoning. Could have made it longer though.

Awh, shame. I guessed the right suspect, but thought they killed him for a different reason. So did I still win? ... Ah, why the hell not? I win! ^_^

The first 3 pages all have 2 choices: one of which continues the game, the other of which leads to the exact same death by pastry.

These aren't real choices, and the whole intro could be condensed into one page.

More review once I actually get to the mystery.

Death link on the first page. If you're going to do that, don't even bother making that a choice.