AgentX, The Contributor
"Time for my hourly dose of devil's water."
Hello, viewer. In case you were wondering, I don't look like Kermit the Frog.
Considering the fact that my writing speed is comparable to that of a fast snail, I usually spend my time rating and commenting on stories here (not that I'll get any more featured).
Anyways, if you care to discuss about most topics, fire a PM whenever you see that guy called AgentX online.
"There is nothing more unequal than the equal treatment of unequal people." -Tommy Jefferson
Pinging, ringing, zinging, and kabooming cloud everything. For an eyeblink in time the smoke clears and the ground, a literal lattice of bodies, provides a horrific but all-too-common site...in 1944.
Not only is this my first storygame, it is also the first in my potentially new Alternate Reality Series (in which time will judge whether I'll take up the nerve to work on or not).
My entry for the Chaos Contest.
NOTE: This is historical fiction, and as such there WILL be inaccuracies compared to reality. And though one can die in the story more than he or she can live, that's because this presents the many could-be struggles of a soldier in an alternate version of the D-Day Invasion.
Exploding, fighting, killing and firing cloud everything. For an eyeblink in time the smoke clears and the ground, a massive massacre of men, provides a horrific but then-too-common site...in 1944.
In an alternate version of the original story, step into the combat boots of a platoon leader, and try to survive the furies of a well-informed and well-prepared enemy.
NOTE: This is historical fiction, and as such there WILL be inaccuracies if compared to the real life events this is based on. As for the readers, you don't need to read the first story to be able to understand this one, though doing so will result in a little more insight into this storygame.
It wasn't something you ever dreamed about,
Recent PostsChaos Contest Results on 5/18/2017 6:01:07 AM
Hats off to the triumphant ones!
Chaos Contest Link Thread on 5/3/2017 8:37:03 PM
WIBN is surely in the top three.
Draw My Attention (Age of Apples) on 5/1/2017 6:13:18 PM
I think I saw him commenting like that on Ford's storygame too.
Draw My Attention (Age of Apples) on 5/1/2017 3:08:07 AM
Recommending a comment for featuring:
I felt the story lacked depth and a greater meaning. Also, the most interesting aspects of the story were left unexplored.
How did the Germans learn of D-Day?
In history they were utterly convinced that the landing would be at Calais, headed by Patton. The false intelligence and fake inflatable army the Allies used worked to perfection, so this could have been an awesome opportunity to explore a shocking mole operation or Benedict Arnold level betrayal within the Allied ranks. But sadly, we just get the generic, "someone told them" that forces a plot artificially.
How did the Allies manage to muster a force 15x greater than the already colossal D-Day invasion - AFTER - losing every single man and machinery save one?
Nothing about that is really plausible. But having the D-Day invasion fail and having the player try to help win the war regardless would have been an interesting concept if it was done more believably.
What happened to the paratroopers that dropped behind enemy lines?
Surely they would have had some impact on the story.
Overall, it wasn't a bad attempt for a first story. And the writing was competent. But the lack of meaning and the failure to maintain suspension of disbelief makes the story lackluster.
-- Bucky on 4/29/2017 9:01:43 AM
Selfie thread on 4/25/2017 6:26:46 PM
Who knows, Seto is one of the unexpected ones.
Selfie thread on 4/25/2017 6:06:04 PM
Bah! "High standards"? Nope, i was saying about his physical appearance, not the damned sweatshirt.
Selfie thread on 4/25/2017 5:33:50 PM
This "full butch" looks more like some skinny guy than a female.
Selfie thread on 4/25/2017 5:21:00 PM
I believe the quite hairy forearms give away the fact that Seto's a guy.
Chaos Contest Predictions/Polling Thread on 4/25/2017 7:42:09 AM
Often, the unpredictable ones are the surprising ones.
Draw My Attention (Age of Apples) on 4/25/2017 6:40:16 AM
Recommending a comment for featuring:
Alright, this was a good first attempt. Your phrasing is clumsy for now, the Ending where your father gives you a medal a month after being captured made no sense, and you spent too much time focusing on the toys of war instead of bringing out the lack of meaning of it / other issues (when you're in the trenches I presume your mind is more occupied with staying alive than profiling all the toys being used against you). That said, this was a competent story, and there was a fair bit of variation between the choices that were offered.
When you mentioned this was alternate history, I was looking forward to seeing the larger impacts of your tweaks. Unfortunately all I could find was the Germans being forewarned, and a larger invasion later. Not really much to work with, but if you expand the premise later I'd be interested in reading more.
The cannibal and gift from soldier pages were nicely written, and so I do believe that with practice and polish you will become a capable writer. Onwards and upwards!
-- StrykerL on 4/25/2017 3:41:08 AM
He also duplicated the posting of his comment, kindly delete the duplicate as well.