A Blaze of Glory: Chapter One

Player Rating4.52/8

"#244 overall, #27 for 2012"
based on 164 ratings since 05/29/2014
played 1,606 times (finished 85)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

Explains the background of Danny Blaze, the central character in my future project, "The Warden" series.
Also, contains 2 campaigns with the progression of other two characters.

 

 

Made in 2012

Revised in 2014

Player Comments

While there are occasional glimpses of an interesting story, a great deal falls flat. While the overall quality can be improved with grammar and spelling corrections, the deeper problems with this storygame mean a lot more than simple proofreading is needed to bring "A Blaze of Glory" up to par.

Numerous aspects of the plot either feel rushed or created on the spot. Examples include the Orb of Death's history and powers, Bren's takeover in the foreign lands, his background with the Commander, Danny's expertise on the battlefield, the Commander's curse, and the demons.

A nasty side effect is that character development is rushed and is unbelievable as a result. For example, a couple of pages could have easily been squeezed in where Danny decides for or against helping the madman that just enslaved his entire village. A few sections like those would easily help ABoG's pace and characterization.

As noted previously, the game feels more like a railroad than a series of choices due to how linear it is. Rather than resetting and feeling a sense of failure, I'm more inclined to simply press "Go Back" just so I can get to the end. Part of the ingenuity in the CYS / CYOA genre is that you can potentially take multiple paths that converge back into the main storyline, but I feel that we're missing out on a lot of potential for "A Blaze of Glory" due to the absence of that very mechanic.

Overall I'd be glad to return to "A Blaze of Glory" if it gets its much-needed update, but it needs a great deal of world-building and choice before I would consider it finished.
-- ItanoCircus on 4/5/2014 6:42:33 AM with a score of 0
I liked how creative you were with the world and the politics, and I enjoyed the dramatic scenes ("weapon... in your heart!" etc.) regardless of how cheesy they were. You definitely have potential.

Having said that, there's a lot you could improve on. Your writing shows a clear lack of editing. Multiple times I saw unneeded spaces (after an opening quotation mark for instance), spelling errors ("yourtself" instead of "yourself" etc.) and the absence of a space between two words.

You've also written some confusing sentences, like "Strangely, Bren had a plan...". Why is it strange that Bren has a plan? If he's conquered the Western Federation multiple times he must be at least somewhat capable of planning ahead. Bren was also relying on Danny, who has no experience in war strategy whatsoever, to lead an entire army into an ambush, and he doesn't entertain the possibility that Ice will split his army up at all.

My biggest gripe with this story is how linear it is. There's no option in Danny's storyline to side with Andrew instead of Bren. There's only one possible way of getting through each campaign, and all three of the campaigns are identical - just from a different point of view.

Nevertheless, I can see you've put some effort into this and I like that. Good luck with your Warden series.
-- October on 2/25/2013 4:58:06 AM with a score of 0
The spelling and grammar was atrocious, the plot felt very contrived and all of the characters were ill-explained. I felt a serious disconnect from the story because it was too rushed. You need to harness your creativity in order to write a cohesive piece of fiction. Also, mechanistically it was poor (too few choices and you broke the third wall multiple times) and the character motivation didn't make sense either. You're creative but you need to harness it, and most of all, you need to spend a much greater amount of time on the basics of prose.
-- JJJ-thebanisher on 11/15/2012 4:43:39 PM with a score of 0
I really like the concept and idea of this game where you get to play the same game trice from three perspectives, so for that innovation, I'm giving the game a 6! Now I would like to share a short game theme :

They say to pass this game all six of us must compete to win this ring...

#2 the stage was set in a vast enclosed room, with many corridors leading down long roads
after taking turns after turns, the place to me looks like a maze
it was over half an hour into the game that i hear footsteps ahead
i rushed forward and was shocked, as the figure ahead of me turned, and I stared at my own face
something then hit me from behind, and i was rendered unconscious

#4 i woke up with a cracking pain shocking my brain
feeling the back of my head, there was a lump, so I conclude:
i was attacked and taken by surprise in an ambush from behind
i searched the room some more, and even more corridors came into view
confirming my presumption that i am trapped in a maze
after endless hours of walking into dead ends,
bumping my head into more walls
finally a new discovery!
as i pushed that last wall with both hands
triggering the opening of a door
i walked inside and saw a gold ring placed in a glass case
Victory at last! Yet as I place my hand on the glass case
a strong electric current of maximum voltage shook me to the core, and i was unconscious again

#1 i was first to enter the room, yet why is it that I had been walking in circles going nowhere for hours
is this all just a joke?
And the game is actually a trap
to murder us all in an enclosed room with no exit?
i saw two bodies on the floor, both of them appear to be attacked from behind
as they lay face-down with a lump at the back of their head.
I did not bother to check their belongings, and I already began to regret this
as I overcome with hunger and thirst and wonder the consequence of lying on the floor to take a short nap...

#3 What is the meaning of this? A person looking exactly like me is sleeping on the floor
? Is it just an illusion or am I actually fighting against myself?
I hit two people from behind without getting a look at their faces
yet now that I recall, they appear to be of the same size and height as myself.
Could it be that this is also a part of the game?
A psychological battle of fighting against myself?
What is my chance of winning after that thief stole my wooden baseball bat
while I let down my guard using both hands to explore and examine the cracking on the walls?

#5 And finally at last, I can get that ring with this wood baseball bat!
i shall shatter that glass case that was also wired with electric barbs on the side of its metal casting.
I win this game at last!
And yet, what is this paper note that is also attached to the ring?
As I opened and read it I am shocked to see what was printed on the note:
"Congratulations for winning the ring! Yet, there are six of you, so the condition for winning is for all six of you to find and acquire the ring. Now you must go back and help the rest of you to escape the room. I hope you left them alive; otherwise, you would also be left to die. The exit would not open unless all six of you place your rings onto the secret door where you came in at the same time to activate and open it."
-- TestingJest on 12/12/2017 1:03:17 AM with a score of 0
Ok,
-- CephalopodsRus on 2/18/2017 11:13:10 PM with a score of 0
This was one of the first storygames I played when I came to the site, Loved this.
-- Digit on 11/18/2016 10:36:57 AM with a score of 0
It was too short and the story was too forced. Each page basically only ever had 2 options, the one and only path that continued the story, or death. It only took me a few minutes to finish one of the campaigns, then when I go to continue on the next one its just the exact same thing from a slightly different point of view. Normally that wouldn't be a bad thing but there was no change to the thought process of the narrator. The other issue is the dialog wasn't consistent between the campaigns, as if changing the point of view changed what was said.
-- DaCaRi on 4/8/2016 9:42:44 PM with a score of 0
I thought the prologue was pretty good; I liked the way you started off, but there were places where you used almost too much info to explain the situation -- and too many commas slow everything down.

Also, Bren is WAY too sane to in here. With the way you described his insanity, what you wrote made it sound like he was completely fine. Seemed just a little off. Andrew I think could've been explained in the field a little more, as well. For example, you said only that his men were attacking, but it sounded like it was head-on. Wouldn't an experienced military man at least notice in the back of his mind that something was off about the whole situation?

As far as Danny, if I were in a situation where a really good friend of mine had disappeared for 20 years, then just popped up suddenly with no in-between communication, I'd either be really angry that I'd had no indication that he/she was alive, or I'd be just in complete shock both from the fact that he/she is actually in front of me now and that they've just so happened to loose their mind along the way. I mean, I'd be devastated! What I'm trying to say is that there's a lot of emotion in this type of storyline that you didn't really account for.

Profanity note; it's not necessary.

Thank you for your time.
-- writersabbey on 8/19/2015 9:46:06 AM with a score of 0
It wasn't bad, but you could make it longer
-Icestar
-- AthenaT on 5/23/2015 4:48:57 PM with a score of 0
Not bad
-- Lightstar100 on 4/14/2015 3:10:47 PM with a score of 0
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