Chapter Juan and Done

Player Rating?/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 7 ratings since 10/05/2020
played 54 times (finished 4)

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

Tags

Welcome to Chapter Juan and Done!

Story of our life right from the beginning. Let's see if you would make the same choices that got us to where we are now.

Player Comments

Yeah, this was just meh. There was really no background information to the plot, and I just happen to find my perfect match online? It was slightly enjoyable and I can see you put effort into it, but next time try making your story longer and less linear.

3/8 from me.
-- 325boy on 10/5/2020 5:51:01 PM with a score of 0
I am sympathetic to the subject material here. I like a good love story, and I really like the idea of a love story with meaningful choices. The choices here--I was not a fan. I feel like I had little real information to make an informed decision while making them. But ok, that's all right, in the sense that dating has that element of randomness to it. You have to judge when that kiss is right, and whether to take silence as disinterest, often without knowing, without being certain of motives.

But in a storygame, if I'm not deciding things for reasons, and instead having to go with my gut, I at the very least need some interesting prose, so that my decisions least to good stories. This I did not get here, as the flavor of the story was the flavor of water.

"Now you're bantering back and forth until you two reset and you in for the kiss." Aside from the mechanics of that sentence, what were we bantering about? What does resetting look like on her? How do I go in?

"You’re used to the country and viewing the Mountains and the Valleys, those are the views that you typically find pretty, but there’s something about overlooking the city and seeing all the colours shine." This is the story at its most purple, such as it is. I do like the Tolkienesque capital M-mountains and capital V-Valley, albeit I suspect unintentionally. But to say there's "something about" that view feels like abandoning the author's job. I want to know what that something is.

I'll just take one more example: "Games that you normally would beat people at, she would win against you. You find that so nice because she can keep up and makes you work for it." What are these games? This, it seems to me, is a missed opportunity to tell a story. Instead of telling me this, what about some stories where I cheat at skeeball, or she kicks my ass at Dance Dance Revolution, or how good she looks leaning over the table when we play air hockey, and how you both make the same comment about how disappointing it is when that cool puff of air makes the puck stops sliding, and then, when you are laughing, she takes the opportunity to knock one more goal in. Or whatever.

I wouldn't go on at such length if I didn't think there's a real story at the heart of this game that needs to be unearthed--or rather, real storie, plural. Multiple ones that respond to real choices, that you linger on a little with description and some compelling narrative.



-- Gower on 10/5/2020 5:50:51 PM with a score of 0
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