, #99 for
played 504 times (finished 93)
"march in the swamp"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
A boy's experience in a decrepit, abandoned town
" He pulled the string and instantly the whole block of houses nearest to him exploded. He ducked and ran for cover in the houses on the other side of the street. He unwittingly brought the note and as the string got pulled farther and farther more houses exploded until the house he was in blew up and he died."
What? From a bloody piece of paper? There is seemingly no rhyme or reason to this at all! The main problem with this story is the fact it seems like there's no logic to these deaths, which one would think to expect from a low-grade story... but you were building some suspense and the writing was good... and there was a lot of ways you could have fleshed this out.
on 6/22/2015 11:44:36 PM with a score of 0
Nice story. I always liked ghost towns. Thanks for writing this story.
on 11/11/2018 9:42:01 AM with a score of 0
this game was not THAT bad....it COULD have bean worse, but it still have been better
-- Dr. goblin on 6/24/2015 2:55:36 PM with a score of 0
I come here to read stories and this is way too short. Could have been a good story but ends way too quickly
on 5/28/2015 1:24:56 PM with a score of 0
Completely without logic or sense.
This genuinely looks like something invented after abusing controlled substances.
on 5/10/2015 8:32:49 AM with a score of 0
The deaths do seem a bit random in this which is annoying because the writing is pretty good. Some indications of danger, logic in the choices etc might help us live long enough to enjoy more of the story?
on 11/12/2014 6:18:34 AM with a score of 0
Utter Rubbish. I died after about 3 pages - without any hint of danger and without warning.
If you are going to kill off people too early then they can't get into the story or enjoy the charecters/setting. For this reason it is impossible to rate the story any more than 1.
-- Jordi P on 11/7/2014 11:46:59 AM with a score of 0
I like it but... i died quite a few times. How about not dying so close to the beggining...
on 10/29/2014 6:26:34 PM with a score of 0
I would have given her the larger half of the sandwich she didn't have to be so greedy gosh
on 10/29/2014 5:42:56 PM with a score of 0
I really like your writing! This story was really entertaining :D
on 10/29/2014 5:04:52 PM with a score of 0
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