Player Rating3.43/8

"#706 overall, #83 for 2013"
based on 267 ratings since 02/18/2013
played 4,083 times (finished 340)

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length1/8

"Make sure not to blink"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

Grief. The final realisation.

This is a VERY short storygame - I wrote this in under 15 minutes after a sudden flash of inspiration. Too bad for everyone I'm a lazy bastard. To make it up to you guys I'll write a longer one next time :P

Also, this is my first storygame so criticism is very much appreciated. Then again, I didn't put alot of effort into this so I don't expect much in return. xD

Player Comments

Intro: I will say that I love the direction of this story. It could have been an amazing story filled with tons of potential. However the word length crushes everything that it had to offer. The author even admits he wrote it in fifteen minutes. However for fifteen minutes of work the payoff is quite wonderful. This story exhibits almost all of the bad habits of writing a storygame. Minimal effort, liner, less than 400 words, and much more. However I still see it as a game that should stick around. The emotion and passion I sense from this story is astonishing. While that may not be easy to capture in a longer story, in this one it works. Another thing is the level of mystery surrounding the story. We have no idea about anything, and everything is vague. While this could be good here it is bad. Now without further ado let's begin with the review

Concept: The concept is the worst part of it all. It had so much potential to be something good. Something you could be proud of. All thrown away because you were too lazy to act on it. The story is not bad, but if you would have spent a few days fleshing it out it could have been so much better.

Plot: This is basically non existent. We have a idea of what happens, someone dies and you mourn for her relentlessly, but how did she die? Also at the end you get to choose your outlook. One makes you commit suicide, the other makes you move on. This is good, but I wish it was fleshed out more.

Characters: What characters? All we know of is the protagonist and a girl. They both are lacking names. This is a huge issue. All we know of is a girl who died and the protagonist got depressed by it. What is their back story. Are they lovers? I would assume so but it never tells me. How did they meet, what was their childhood like, just something anything that can help me know them better.

Structure: Well this was liner. It was one of those stories where you have a straight path and one choice at the end. Though there is one thing that sets this story apart from those structure wise. That is the fact that there are FOUR PAGES IN THE ENTIRE STORY. In one playthrough only three. Now do you see the big structure problem here?

Word count: This one is just sad. My review will be over 500 words but this story is less than 400. This and the structure are the things that have killed you story. They are the reason that it is so bad.

Sperling and grammar: Not bad at all.

Conclusion: Good game with lots of potential. Though the fact that its word count and structure are so bad makes it a three. If you were to fix it up a little bit I might have put a four but with this word count and four pages I don't know. Anyway hope you write more 3/8
-- Serpent on 6/1/2019 12:16:55 PM with a score of 0
Unfortunately, the story game was too short, but the quality and emotion in your writing was there. The ending was short but surprisingly heavy.

The most emotional part, the ending where one would choose to acknowledge that she is dead forever and is not coming back. I was actually supersized about how it ended. It was a sad and emotional moment. I knew what was implied, but you did not have to say it. The quality of writing is very good here.

I would surly enjoy a story game with more thought and choices put into it. This kind of writing is very immersive, and I understand that it could be difficult for anyone to put emotion into a longer piece, but I think you will manage to do so very well.This story is a positive foreshadowing of what is to come.
-- EvilSmile on 7/4/2015 12:49:46 PM with a score of 0
Short, but kinda sour in execution. This one seems more like a vent more than an actual attempt at a story. Good thing to cry for at 3 am, but bad anywhere else you didn’t want a wattpad vent one shot
-- SpaghettiMan on 10/2/2019 11:55:44 AM with a score of 0
-- June on 8/5/2019 11:03:49 PM with a score of 0
Please add a little bit of unzipping pants and lotion. I am very lonely and would like this added for my pleasure.
-- Nick Gurr on 4/23/2019 3:06:23 PM with a score of 0
wow that was creepy, I liked it :) it was short and sweet
-- lilyluna on 4/5/2019 12:13:58 AM with a score of 0
Far too short, but the writing was better than a good 60% of the content on this site, even if it was in an underdeveloped, sort of cliche way.
-- AzBaz on 12/9/2018 9:15:41 AM with a score of 0
I would have liked the story to have been longer, but amazing overall.
-- MusicalNerd7 on 6/8/2018 10:46:14 AM with a score of 0
Holy crap. One click and gone. I've seen paragraphs longer than the whole of this story.
-- Saika on 5/9/2017 9:19:20 AM with a score of 0
There was emotion behind the writing to some extent so props for that. Though the length could've definitely improved the quality and development of the story. I would love to see a continuation of this going into more detail.
-- Palepaper on 5/3/2017 4:34:35 AM with a score of 0
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