, #43 for
played 2,033 times (finished 292)
"march in the swamp"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.
In this game, after you rescue a mysterious kitten, you're catapulted on an adventure through another world, attempting to liberate it from its evil dictator.
I liked the setup, though it seemed quite fantastic. It was enough to get me interesting in reading the story. However, the first page left me feeling quite lacking. There was some vague reference to earth. Then I went and saved a kitten. Then there was just one option. I’m not sure I understand why many authors put very little information on a page and then only provide one option. If there’s not a significant change in scene or point of view, or something similar, just slap all those pages without options onto one page that actually ends with the options – that would make much more sense to me, anyway.
The first options I have are a pick-the-right-choice-or-die options. I hope that doesn’t continue. A “superhuman-looking human?” Nice. Wait, it’s over?
That was a nice story with good spelling, grammar, and the like. I really appreciated that there were options and many of the options actually affected the story. The story was very short, though. I think this story has a lot of potential and really could be expanded to have more options, more development, and a more complete story. Or, since this is clearly an older story, another author might take the ideas started in this story, expand on them, and write an additional story based in this world.
on 6/25/2018 11:47:34 AM with a score of 0
This is decent. Your use of sentences, grammar, and words is correct overall. I like the quest-like feeling of it, though the plot could've definitely been longer. It was basically:
Find cat-->receive quest-->go to world-->defeat Kougwag
This is very basic, and can be expanded much more. The directness in which the story is told can destroy certain scenes, but more subtlety, plot, and character background can enhance this story.
Nice job overall!
on 12/2/2016 5:03:24 PM with a score of 0
The grammar seemed to be right, but also kept very simple like you would expect from a childrens picture book.
The story was quite short and not all to descriptive. You also start far to close to the climax of the story. There is no real build up. It starts with the cat telling you what to do. Then transporting you there and then the fight. There is no journey involved to reach your goal. No obstacle to overcome to get to the main antagonist.
The characters also don't have any kind of personality other than being the good guy and the bad guy. There was no motive at all for why Karchak? is acting how he does. Why is he mean to the cats? How did he get the drugs? Why would he just share his rule with you when you are here to stop him?
3/8 from me for the innovative idea. But the story itself lacks depth in every aspect.
on 3/2/2020 4:57:24 AM with a score of 0
The overall conventions for this (grammar, spelling, etc) are pretty good, though on one page you mispelled Kougwog's name as Kougwou. I would reccommend having a few other people proofread the story before publishing it to avoid these kind of errors.
I initially liked the story. However, as it went on (not for long, though) I began to notice that your dialogue is not believable. The characters that you create are very simple and shallow, making the reader believe them less. Your transitions are also very quick and not very descriptive. I see what you were going for and I can definitely find the plot, but I would like to see this lengthened. With your current story length, you can't get any character development or unique plot. If you're just going for a short story, void that last bit.
TL;DR: Your English conventions are good, but the dialogue and the setting you create seem too unreal. This shows potential, but I feel like you could do better.
on 12/3/2019 9:54:16 PM with a score of 0
This story was pretty short can you please make another.I loved reading it
-- mariella on 10/11/2019 8:58:09 AM with a score of 0
It was so much fun and I enjoyed it so much.
-- DiamondGallKK on 10/14/2017 5:54:14 PM with a score of 0
LOL. This was so unrealistic that I couldn't stop laughing while reading. Catopia, hahaha.
I'm surprised this game is allowed to be around despite the site's ban on WC, aka personified cats of any form.
on 6/17/2017 6:47:52 PM with a score of 0
Very linear, it's like one path...
on 5/22/2017 10:04:22 PM with a score of 0
Please make it looooooooooonger.
on 12/22/2016 9:50:07 AM with a score of 0
Quite boring overall, it makes a nice time killer if anything.
-- Opheliacresend on 12/10/2016 2:19:16 PM with a score of 0
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