, #94 for
played 730 times (finished 114)
"wandering through the desert"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"appropriate for all ages"
Stories with this maturity level will not, by design, have any potentially objectionable content. An example of a type story with this rating would be a quiz on mathematics.
This game is about being a pirate during piracy's golden age.
I like pirate games! And pirate stories are great, too! After all, look how many volumes of books have been written about pirates. Look how romanticized those stories are. And we don’t even need to mention all the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, right? In fact, I even recently started outlining a new story based on being a pirate in the golden age… oh. I just noticed this story has a length of three. Well, we’ll give it a shot.
It has an interesting short start. Some would call this an “info dump.” In the first bit there, you provide information, but you don’t show anything. This could be responded to with the classic, “show, don’t tell.” In other words, you just told the reader this information. Instead of just stating the facts, you could illustrate them. You could describe them. In this case you could talk about the feelings the new recruit has as they walk up the gangplank of the newly commissioned ship in the powerful navy of the country that’s led by… and so on. That would help involve the reader and get them invested in the story. Instead, with this starting point, you’re just throwing the reader into a situation without any context. On the first page the reader is asked to make a decision and they really have no clue which one might be better or more useful than the other.
The rest of the story is, well, something. There are lots of great ideas and lots of great paths here. I like the directions that you can go with the story, but there is still very little story included. In each of the pages there are many opportunities where you could expand on what’s happening. You could describe more about the situation and the setting. You could describe the characters and make them more real and fantastic. You could add ideas so the reader knows what choices might be better options – you might talk about how the character trains with swords so the reader might select fighting with a sword as an option, knowing they might succeed more than if they fight with a gun.
Overall, this isn’t a bad story, but it is certainly lacking in depth. I think if you expanded each page by at least 500 words this could quickly develop into a nice story. Thank you for sharing it with the site.
on 6/5/2019 7:52:45 PM with a score of 0
This game had a lot of potential as a pirate game, but it suffered from a few problems, first one being the pacing and the length, second being the grammar and third being the short pages that lacked any absolute description.
1) Ok, the pacing in this game is so off that one moment I was a random crew-member on a ship and thirty seconds later I was the pirate king, facing my second-in-command as he tried to kill me and when I killed him, I found that years later, he had a son who avenged a father that willingly left the navy, abandoned him and joined my character as a pirate... all this happened so fast that even Sonic would have a hard time catching up with the plot of this story.
2) Your grammar and punctuation is not horrible, but it isn't anything really good either and due to this fact, the story suffered all the more for it, which is a damn real shame since I actually looked forward to a swashbuckling pirate adventure.
3) Though this goes hand in hand with point two, I feel like I really needed to talk about it. I would lie if I said that I do not enjoy pirate stories and such a premise is bound to draw me in most of the time, but when I get a game that has little to no description of the characters themselves, well then I feel hurt on personal level. For example, you could have had Lewis offhandedly remark about his kid, or give the main character some description, or at least allow us to make him look like we wished to.
Well, despite all of this, I did get a bit of enjoyment from the game, though it's a real shame it could not be any better, I will rate this a 3/8 for the premise of the story and the potential this story had.
on 3/2/2017 10:50:29 AM with a score of 0
The grammar wasn't the best, and I wish there was more story to it, and it was short, but overall it's pretty fun.
-- Janus39 on 4/1/2021 2:07:42 PM with a score of 0
Short and not exactly what I was expecting.
on 8/23/2018 12:44:58 AM with a score of 0
There were some dumb deaths, but it was pretty good. 5/8
on 12/17/2015 3:41:42 PM with a score of 0
There is a huge chance that winning will recquire multiple tries but its not too hard.
on 7/7/2015 12:49:36 AM with a score of 0
on 6/29/2015 8:41:21 AM with a score of 0
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