Polly wanna cracker?
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played 134 times (finished 44)
"walk in the park"
"A nice jog down the driveway"
"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.
The story of how a young boy befriended a pirates discarded parrot, and how they grew up together.
A strange tale indeed. While very linear with a few typos throughout, it was kind of cute. It had a child-like innocence to it that I find hard to be too harsh on. Could there be more depth to the story sure but if this is a children's story it's not needed. What is lacking is the choice part of the choose your own story with the only real choice being what career path you take which even then didn't seem to impact the story all that much. Proofread to clean up the writing or have someone else proofread it for you. And work on adding more story lines to branch out with. Still it's got potential so keep writing.
on 11/25/2016 10:38:57 AM with a score of 0
Well, that was kind of cute, though it was linear and rather short...there really should have been choices that'd affect the story because the ones I clicked did nothing to change anything.
There were also a few mistakes such as "tood" instead of "told", but nothing you can't fix with a little proofreading and spellchecking(There's actually a spellcheck tool)so I suggest you proofread and spellcheck your storygames before you publish next time. Overall, the writing was okay.
Also, I would have liked to hear a bit more about the parrot. Since this is a story centered around a boy and a parrot, your main goal would be to make the reader care about the parrot. While I was given glimpses, there wasn't much.
Some storygames work with the "less is more" approach, but this one doesn't do well like that.
I really do enjoy all the new storygames you've been publishing! ^-^
on 11/23/2016 11:50:45 PM with a score of 0
Well, this was certainly different. Though I'm not sure it was particularly well executed. Like Seto said, I think we could have done with a bit more story around the protagonist and the parrot bonding.
on 1/12/2017 3:40:49 PM with a score of 0
Goosebumps at the ending!
on 11/28/2016 7:55:31 PM with a score of 0
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