, #50 for
played 997 times (finished 117)
"walk in the park"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
My first (my previous was half made and all of its links were messed up pretty badly, i work on a cell phone) attempt on a story. Its a piece of junk. English is my third language so its full of grammer errors(hope i would do better in following months or years). This is a story about a sad boy named Drex with supernatural happenings around him...NOTE : sometimes this story would not make sense, either because of grammer mistakes or my poor writing talent. Dont expect much from me. I am just a kid (14 years) like you all.YOU have BEEN WARNED....My next story will be better...and yes i accidentaly rated this an 8(no........)
Umm, well, this was certainly interesting to read. I must say that I'm still rather confused about certain facets of this, as the end somewhat came as a surprise to me. Anyway, there were plenty of grammatical issues that detracted from this story. Glaringly obvious ones at that.
As for the pacing, it didn't really feel like this story had much of a direction, at least to me. I mean it improved towards the end, but I found myself asking questions as I read. Questions that I felt weren't really answered well when I reached the conclusion of this story.
There's plenty of potential here though. I found the supernatural elements to be the most interesting aspect to this story, and I did think that this aspect and the main character's struggle with his power and situation to be showcased well enough in the story.
Still, for all of its potential, the grammar and overall dialogue is quite lacking in this story. I do wish I could be more favorable, but this story's lack of polish is its biggest setback in the end.
on 3/7/2017 9:08:36 PM with a score of 0
This is unrelated to the story but, if you know your game isn't the best then don't post it. Publish good games, not ones you know aren't the best. Also, I don't know how you "accidently" give yourself and 8.
Now to your game.
Not bad for your first attempt.
It had a decent plot, good amount of options, and the descriptions were interesting at times. I kind of liked the powers that the character had as well.
But, you need to break up your paragraphs and sentences. Also, there were grammar errors and you didn't even explain why there were people after me.(I think it was because of my powers but I don't know.)
on 5/11/2012 8:36:22 AM with a score of 0
It’s really good great job
-- Chris on 10/30/2017 12:31:02 PM with a score of 0
-- Guy on 10/28/2017 1:45:38 AM with a score of 0
Another one of those old stories rated WAY too highly by site standards now. It's all just an unformatted mess and yes, full of bad grammar and bad punctuation and badly written, all of which the author says he was fully aware of when he published it anyway.
on 10/18/2017 9:28:23 PM with a score of 0
The bad grammar detracted from the story.
on 6/22/2015 11:13:49 PM with a score of 0
Nope, not doin' it again.
-- Ginger on 3/19/2015 9:37:19 AM with a score of 0
Its a good story, might be room for a sequel, good foundation.
-- walker on 7/8/2013 2:07:38 PM with a score of 0
The 3 dead bodies were of Penelope, Jackson and the small girl. If you look hard enough then you may find why Jackson went there. :-)
on 6/10/2013 11:11:16 PM with a score of 0
There's room for a sequal if the main char doesn't die, don't no what happens in the end though.
-- Walker on 5/4/2013 7:36:53 PM with a score of 0
Show All Comments
Help & Info
Who Is Online
213 guests and
version 20200005 | ChooseYourStory © 2001 - 2020, Halogen Studios Entertainment |