, #29 for
played 2,628 times (finished 342)
"wandering through the desert"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.
Well, it's a day. But it's The Day. I don't know what that means, but it certainly is a weird day. Well, I've confused you enough. Just click play.
Huh? A title about the day? This game is bound to be interesting... Oh wait, nevermind.
I'll give you the positives.
The first positive is the proper use of the capital letters. There appears to be no mistake in using them. You use it on the start of the sentence, the first letter of a name, and so on. So that's nice.
Another positive is how well the pages connect to each other. I love how the author pays attention to detail or the past actions of the player. There is an instance where you eat Timothy once then on another page, the player mentions how he just ate him. That shows that you put a tiny amount of effort into this... random story. I mean, you don't just slam random pages together.
Here are the negatives that outweigh the tiny amount of postives.
First, This story is too random. Eating a person? In school? Really? I get the point that you try to make this story funny but... it isn't funny. A few humorous jokes scattered around the story are good and all but randomness? A bad idea.
There were a few spelling mistakes and all but not too much that it affects the story. I suggest you make other people proofread your stories. An example of a spelling mistakes is shown in these sentences: "All of a sudden Timothy comes into the room and shoots you in the foot. You die from foot poisining."
Details. We need more details! Why do you hate your enemy so much? What did he do? Why would you want to shove a phone into his mouth? These questions won't ever be answered... ever. On your next story, I recommend you to answer the 6 W's.
Those are just some problems for your story. I congratulate you for observing the proper use of punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and spelling.
on 1/22/2017 9:21:24 AM
This. Is. Stupid. I get that u were trying to be funny, but no. just no.
-- someone on 10/26/2017 6:57:09 PM
That was so random that I didn't even find it funny. Didn't know it was possible to die from foot poisining. I'll need to write that down somewhere.
on 7/6/2017 9:37:12 PM
Random, weird, fantastic
on 5/11/2017 11:46:37 AM
This is one of the most non-sensical games I've ever seen on this site, and not necessarily in a good way. Everything was extremely random to the point that nothing in the story held together at all, not even for a minute.
There was a funny part near the beginning - if you click "Find a friend" then you are taken to the "Find some cereal" page and vice versa. That was about it, everything else was on drugs or something. I feel that if you'd gone down the comedy route (with more substance than just randomly eating people!) then this would get a higher rating.
As it is, the sheer randomness just throws your readers off and doesn't give us a reason to want to play it, at least not after the first time.
on 4/21/2017 4:27:27 AM
What the heck?!? This is just sick, gross and pyscopathic!!! This is bad. No offense
on 3/10/2017 4:31:12 AM
I am the Discoverer
-- on 11/5/2016 3:26:32 PM
An accurate depiction of school. I believe that it is the most factual piece ive read. 10 Timothy murders out of 10 Timothy murders.
-- Squirlyfresh Sux on 11/4/2016 2:24:39 PM
that. was. TERRIBLE
i cant even-
NO just NO
-- ih8stupidppl on 9/8/2016 7:40:21 PM
What did I just watch.... read- you get the idea.
on 4/18/2016 9:23:56 AM
Show All Comments
Help & Info
Who Is Online
68 guests and
version 20170008 | ChooseYourStory © 2001 - 2017, Halogen Studios Entertainment |