, #32 for
played 3,067 times (finished 380)
"wandering through the desert"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.
Well, it's a day. But it's The Day. I don't know what that means, but it certainly is a weird day. Well, I've confused you enough. Just click play.
I don’t know what’s happening. I mean sure, you describe it well without spelling or grammar errors, but what is actually going on? On the first page you talk about being outside, break the fourth wall, find a closet outside, and then a disembodied hand turns into a walrus that terrifies you, but you do nothing like run away or anything. There’s random stories and there’s completely utterly random sentences that have been slapped together without any apparent reason. I mean this starts out making as much sense as writing about you swimming and then a wizard zaps you with his wand from his tower that was in the desert behind your refrigerator. At some point you really need to have some basis in consistency so the reader has some clue about what to expect. After all, on the first page, I’m expecting any link I click to lead to me walking underneath the sink while meteors fall on me from a banana tree.
The whole story continues on this way. I’m not really sure of the point of this story or honestly why you bothered to write it. It really appears to just be completely random sentences slapped together for some reason. Was this randomly generated by a computer application written by monkeys? I guess it was a nice try, but seriously, there is a limit to randomness.
on 8/17/2018 10:35:21 PM
Huh? A title about the day? This game is bound to be interesting... Oh wait, nevermind.
I'll give you the positives.
The first positive is the proper use of the capital letters. There appears to be no mistake in using them. You use it on the start of the sentence, the first letter of a name, and so on. So that's nice.
Another positive is how well the pages connect to each other. I love how the author pays attention to detail or the past actions of the player. There is an instance where you eat Timothy once then on another page, the player mentions how he just ate him. That shows that you put a tiny amount of effort into this... random story. I mean, you don't just slam random pages together.
Here are the negatives that outweigh the tiny amount of postives.
First, This story is too random. Eating a person? In school? Really? I get the point that you try to make this story funny but... it isn't funny. A few humorous jokes scattered around the story are good and all but randomness? A bad idea.
There were a few spelling mistakes and all but not too much that it affects the story. I suggest you make other people proofread your stories. An example of a spelling mistakes is shown in these sentences: "All of a sudden Timothy comes into the room and shoots you in the foot. You die from foot poisining."
Details. We need more details! Why do you hate your enemy so much? What did he do? Why would you want to shove a phone into his mouth? These questions won't ever be answered... ever. On your next story, I recommend you to answer the 6 W's.
Those are just some problems for your story. I congratulate you for observing the proper use of punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and spelling.
on 1/22/2017 9:21:24 AM
Really funny and cool.
on 11/11/2018 11:26:52 AM
Found myself thinking what am I reading and then proceeded to find every ending. Certainly kept me entertained for a few minutes. Have you made a Saw based story? I'm off to see what else you wrote. Cheers.
on 7/5/2018 1:21:47 AM
Honestly, this was so random, I literally cried from laughing. A lot of people said it was bad, But I went through it twice. Go You!
-- SheWhoShouldn'tBeNamed on 6/18/2018 6:42:13 PM
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?
on 6/5/2018 2:07:25 PM
This. Is. Stupid. I get that u were trying to be funny, but no. just no.
-- someone on 10/26/2017 6:57:09 PM
That was so random that I didn't even find it funny. Didn't know it was possible to die from foot poisining. I'll need to write that down somewhere.
on 7/6/2017 9:37:12 PM
Random, weird, fantastic
on 5/11/2017 11:46:37 AM
This is one of the most non-sensical games I've ever seen on this site, and not necessarily in a good way. Everything was extremely random to the point that nothing in the story held together at all, not even for a minute.
There was a funny part near the beginning - if you click "Find a friend" then you are taken to the "Find some cereal" page and vice versa. That was about it, everything else was on drugs or something. I feel that if you'd gone down the comedy route (with more substance than just randomly eating people!) then this would get a higher rating.
As it is, the sheer randomness just throws your readers off and doesn't give us a reason to want to play it, at least not after the first time.
on 4/21/2017 4:27:27 AM
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