, #34 for
played 3,259 times (finished 398)
"wandering through the desert"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.
Well, it's a day. But it's The Day. I don't know what that means, but it certainly is a weird day. Well, I've confused you enough. Just click play.
I don’t know what’s happening. I mean sure, you describe it well without spelling or grammar errors, but what is actually going on? On the first page you talk about being outside, break the fourth wall, find a closet outside, and then a disembodied hand turns into a walrus that terrifies you, but you do nothing like run away or anything. There’s random stories and there’s completely utterly random sentences that have been slapped together without any apparent reason. I mean this starts out making as much sense as writing about you swimming and then a wizard zaps you with his wand from his tower that was in the desert behind your refrigerator. At some point you really need to have some basis in consistency so the reader has some clue about what to expect. After all, on the first page, I’m expecting any link I click to lead to me walking underneath the sink while meteors fall on me from a banana tree.
The whole story continues on this way. I’m not really sure of the point of this story or honestly why you bothered to write it. It really appears to just be completely random sentences slapped together for some reason. Was this randomly generated by a computer application written by monkeys? I guess it was a nice try, but seriously, there is a limit to randomness.
on 8/17/2018 10:35:21 PM with a score of 0
Huh? A title about the day? This game is bound to be interesting... Oh wait, nevermind.
I'll give you the positives.
The first positive is the proper use of the capital letters. There appears to be no mistake in using them. You use it on the start of the sentence, the first letter of a name, and so on. So that's nice.
Another positive is how well the pages connect to each other. I love how the author pays attention to detail or the past actions of the player. There is an instance where you eat Timothy once then on another page, the player mentions how he just ate him. That shows that you put a tiny amount of effort into this... random story. I mean, you don't just slam random pages together.
Here are the negatives that outweigh the tiny amount of postives.
First, This story is too random. Eating a person? In school? Really? I get the point that you try to make this story funny but... it isn't funny. A few humorous jokes scattered around the story are good and all but randomness? A bad idea.
There were a few spelling mistakes and all but not too much that it affects the story. I suggest you make other people proofread your stories. An example of a spelling mistakes is shown in these sentences: "All of a sudden Timothy comes into the room and shoots you in the foot. You die from foot poisining."
Details. We need more details! Why do you hate your enemy so much? What did he do? Why would you want to shove a phone into his mouth? These questions won't ever be answered... ever. On your next story, I recommend you to answer the 6 W's.
Those are just some problems for your story. I congratulate you for observing the proper use of punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and spelling.
on 1/22/2017 9:21:24 AM with a score of 0
on 1/15/2020 1:25:20 AM with a score of 0
What a joy it has been to take part in such an eye-opening and culturally revealing experience. The obvious metaphor for the social rift between the English and the French during the French revolution is austere. The character Timothy is such a great stand-in for the hardships we all face in life. Each of us has a Timothy... and each of us wants to kill Timothy. In this story, our dreams have been fulfilled. The author ingeniously uses the idea of pure randomness and pure violence to show the hardships of the world today, and the breaking of the fourth wall makes the narrator even more relatable. I would like to personally to thank the author of this masterpiece for freeing my spirit and reminding me of the reason the name Timothy makes me want to eat my own eyeballs, also I am forever indebted to you. May your life never come into contact with any other timothys ever again. Sincerely, the entire world.
-- John Smith on 3/10/2019 11:04:58 PM with a score of 0
Really funny and cool.
on 11/11/2018 11:26:52 AM with a score of 0
Found myself thinking what am I reading and then proceeded to find every ending. Certainly kept me entertained for a few minutes. Have you made a Saw based story? I'm off to see what else you wrote. Cheers.
on 7/5/2018 1:21:47 AM with a score of 0
Honestly, this was so random, I literally cried from laughing. A lot of people said it was bad, But I went through it twice. Go You!
-- SheWhoShouldn'tBeNamed on 6/18/2018 6:42:13 PM with a score of 0
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?
on 6/5/2018 2:07:25 PM with a score of 0
This. Is. Stupid. I get that u were trying to be funny, but no. just no.
-- someone on 10/26/2017 6:57:09 PM with a score of 0
That was so random that I didn't even find it funny. Didn't know it was possible to die from foot poisining. I'll need to write that down somewhere.
on 7/6/2017 9:37:12 PM with a score of 0
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