The Fox and The Fawn
, #14 for
played 2,834 times (finished 191)
"trek through the forest"
"It'll be a while, better grab a Snickers®"
"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.
Which path will you take...
Will you follow the fox or the fawn?
Awesome Storyline & Plot (it really showed that ye put a lot of time, effort, & imagination into it). The story was so addicting that it made me want to keep reading (I chose the Fox Clan).
The bad parts of it though is that ye misspelled many words & some words had letters missing from them so a reader could understand what the word was meant to be, but shouldn't have to need to do that. I did not see any noticeable problems with grammar.
I rated it a 7 out of 8 (Mostly because of the story/plot & the informative background & descriptions. Though ye lost a point because of the many spelling errors).
Overall, it's a great work & I wouldn't be surprised if ye soon became a featured writer on here. Keep up the great work!
on 9/28/2015 5:35:48 PM with a score of 0
This was terrific.
As a story this was well-written, creative and detailed and as a game there were enough path branches and puzzles to interest and test the reader. The relationships were well-handled and the ending perfectly suited the reader's choices, all these little things adding up to a terrific story.
Animal Fiction has become a much-maligned genre on this site so it's good to have an example of how it can produce an excellent story-game in the hands of a talented author. 8/8.
on 9/23/2015 10:10:24 PM with a score of 0
I only played one of the paths, but from what I've seen it is a very good story. There were very few grammatical errors (maybe two or three in the path I took) and the story itself was great. I like how you gave us a second chance to not go back through the hole as I have a very sensitive mouse which tends to screw up clicking things. This story has received the Phoenix stamp of approval. Good job.
on 9/23/2015 6:28:45 PM with a score of 0
It's an interesting premise. The idea of the story itself felt far ahead of the writing quality though. Take that as a compliment or as constructive criticism, maybe a bit of both. It felt like every 2 out of 3 sentences began with "you." It's an easy trap to fall into, but it turns into a show & tell without the show. While this is no means a bottom tier storygame, there is much more I would like to see. A good start would be with unique characters and more diverse sentence structure.
on 4/14/2020 1:38:00 AM with a score of 0
Really neat, it would be awesome if you added a sequel or a RPG or even add more animals possible to turn into. This would also be a great chance for some artwork.
on 1/27/2020 11:54:03 AM with a score of 0
Great story and well written.
-- Jordi P on 12/24/2019 5:38:20 AM with a score of 0
It has a very interesting premise and I enjoyed it a lot. The training in the fawn clan seemed a bit cliche/stereotypical, but honestly I loved the trial/journey and the message at the end of the tunnel!
-- Lusa on 2/6/2019 6:01:09 PM with a score of 0
This was an amazing story. In fact, I spent the time to complete every path for both factions.
The only issues I came across were a few typos, but nothing serious.
on 12/22/2018 6:26:53 PM with a score of 0
I liked it
on 10/10/2018 6:03:40 PM with a score of 0
on 5/21/2018 8:54:00 AM with a score of 0
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