Player Comments on The time of Darkness

Vin is a terrifying psychopath. I tried to make him as passive as possible without dying and he still kills at least eight people. Never once does the story make him sound even the slightest bit guilty, even when he kills his godfather. Also, the four men, aren't they the godfather's friends? Wouldn't they at least be a little upset when a child murders their friend unprovoked? Vin agrees to go with him and when he won't give his name, the game forces you to straight up murder him. I would at least sort of understand if they had experience in killing people and were part of a child gang or something, but they run away from a kid at the beginning because his dad is a murderer. Why does Vin feel nothing? He murders his godfather and is just like, "oops." He kills an intruder then just goes straight back to bed like it was nothing. This kid has issues.

Timmy, the antagonist and this horrible murderer, is a better person than Vin, the protagonist. We barely see Timmy killing anyone but Vin is over here making widows left and right. Then Freddie is just making fancy homecooked meals for his psychopath little brother and four strangers. Why do Freddie and Vin even care who killed their parents anyways? If they have no idea how they died, then they were most likely too young to remember. Meaning they were also probably too young to remember their parents at all. Would you, as a child, go after a serial killer for someone you don't know? Also, a bazooka is 1.37 meters long and 12.75 pounds. Vin, a child, carries that thing around for the entirety of the game without any random bystanders saying, "why does that kid have a freaking bazooka?" This would be fine in a comedy where things don't have to sense, but this is an action story, where plot holes should at least be explained away. Then again, Vin would probably just shoot them for looking at hime funny because he's a psychopathic serial killer using the murder of his parents as an excuse to kill everyone.

Sorry for the extremely long comment, but the plot holes had to be addressed by someone. I won't mention the grammar in much detail in fear of being redundant with the rest of the comment section, but it could've been much better. 4/8 because some of the action scenes were very well done regardless of how little sense the setup for them made.

There's definitely some effort being put into this story, but once again, the writing level is so first draft-- spelling mistakes, lack of tense agreement, fragments, run-ons, the list goes on.
Also, there are quite a few instances of plot-wagoning: like when you choose the rifle, you get the bazooka anyway- or when you choose "finish him off" with your godfather, you end up riding in the car talking to him.
We're not even getting into whether or not I like stories that are kill, kill, kill-oriented.
Clearly, you can write a story with some length to it- now put some polish on it.

Laughed to tears, bravo!

What you mean that password for the second is 234? Where do i enter the password???

That was just really scary, but horror stories are my favorite!!!

Was hard to read at times because of the run-on sentences and spelling/grammar errors.

What on earth was going on here? I just ended up going on a killing spree no matter what I did. Also, there's scripting errors. The man asks me for a gun, but I'm not allowed to give him a rifle. Only the pistol will work.

The story just felt really disorganized, with quite a bit of grammar and spelling mistakes. I just didn't really get it.
Oh, and if you ever find a bazooka that's small enough so I can hide it in my pocket, message me and let me know. I'll be interested in buying it.

Well, I shot this guy in the face with a bazooka that I got out of my pocket. Seems legit... O_o

A very good story, though you wrote like Vin was Greg for a few pages which confused me and other readers for sure. The length of it was longer than I expected but the story could have ended pages before if you didn't add a few unnecessary details. My intentions are good, intended to help you. ??

I gave it a 2.
Reason of.
"Bazooka"
Ug.
No.

Needs more information on characters and more plot line. I found that it was to blunt and moved to fast. But the idea of the story is intriguing.

No idea what's going on

I thought you were 11. I didn't understand. All you do is shoot shoot and shoot.

Pretty good overall.

no plot

Good.

I was alright, the grammar threw me off in places, but the story felt like it was written by a morbid 6 year old... There wasn't really any plot, you're just some kid and you end up having to shoot people =/

Well, I can tell you wanted it to be good but I'm sorry to say that the storytelling is just terrible. Half the time I don't know what's going on. Shame since it seems to be a good story. Also, there was a glitch where I took the rifle but the text acts like I took the bazooka. The whole game seems like a first draft. Fix these problems and you might have something here.

Interesting...a password eh..

another story by ipod. i liked how you had guns and things cuz like those games, but you didnt even bother to incorporate pictures with them which made it less interesting because i shot a bunch of anonymous people with a brown paper bag. i gave your story a 1 because of grammar and the e

it was not your best game, but not your worst.

Good job, a little linear, but good job,
5/8
JJJ, I know you don't like him but come on.

Did you write this to make every other game look good?

a bit linear for my taste - with a few obvious errors. You're certainly improving as a writer though ipod.

4/8. It was okay, but there were a few things that annoyed me. Firstly, there is very little writing about what the main character is feeling. Also, you could use the rifle, even when you had chosen the bazooka. The story was a little confusing, needed a bit more background maybe.

Also, some pictures would be nice. Good try though, really not that bad.

Another great story. iPod gave me a sneak peek in early development, and it wasn't as good as it is now. Good job and keep up the good work.
(It doesn't deserve to published though :P)

you have come a long way. you have great length and are starting to create stories with depth. However, now we need to get you to work on multiple choices that take you down different paths.

Good to see another storygame from you, Ipod, although this one seems very sadistic. Although I don't really like guns and all that sort of stuff, I sort of understood what you were getting at. I noticed a few spelling mistakes as well.

I can't say I really enjoyed it because as I said before, I'm not into guns and that sort of thing, but great job, I'm sure it'll appeal to somebody who likes guns, as it was good writing.

Finally, alot of it did not make sense. For instance, I'm driving in the car with my godfather (although I dont know this) and he proceeds to offer me information I've always wanted to know about my long lost parents. The only catch being that he wont tell me his name.

My reply: I dont want information about my parents from people who wont even give me their names. You leave me no choice but to kill me.

Honestly if I ever witnessed a scene like that, I'd probably go jump off a bridge. I rest my case.

Hmm. Well when you sent me a message telling me that you were a really good author, I can't say this is what I expected. I'll admit you have solid potential but if this is your best work then I think your still a ways off from being "Really good". So now that I've voiced my opinion, let me support it.

Firstly, the grammar was really, really bad. I mean I've seen worse around but this was pathetic. It doesn't need to be perfect, but it has to be decent at least. Secondly, it was very linear. I've played some great games on here that had great multiple endings. This one was the polar opposite. Numerous times during the story it would give me a choice, to which I would choose whatever I thought best. Approximately half the time, you would proceed to tell me that "I can't do that". And refer me to the other option. So why is this option here in the first place?

Finally, al