Unedited Requiem (Chapter 1)

Player Rating2.79/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 13 ratings since 10/25/2019
played 46 times (finished 6)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

Unedited Requiem (Chapter 1)

The mind and the cosmos intertwine as separate events intertwine.  Determine your course.

 

Unedited Requiem (Chapter 1) is based of "Unedited Requiem" a Surreal/High Fantasy/Science Fiction story written by Erik F. Brown.

 

 

 

Player Comments

This came so close to being something interesting. Perhaps if the author had just put a bit more effort into some kind of meaningful plot rather than stringing words from a thesaurus together until they nearly lose meaning. There's a time and a place for elaborate language, but as a rule you want to use it to enhance or clarify the ideas you're trying to communicate rather than obfuscate them.

Then there's the realization that the author doesn't understand the difference between your and you're, and its and it's, which I ran into immediately (see: the very first sentence and first paragraph of the story) and just has a way of making you lose confidence in much of what follows.
-- mizal on 11/10/2019 10:21:03 PM with a score of 0
I am sorry but I don't understand anything. The words sound pretty and flow like in a surrealist poem. But It has no sense I can't understand. Probably, It is my fault for being not native, so I recommend your advice at the beginning that your game is only for advanced readers.
-- poison_mara on 10/13/2019 7:23:55 PM with a score of 0
Where to start?

First, the good: In a few places, the rhythm of the language spills like free-form poetry. It's alliterative, evocative, provocative, and intriguing. I found it helped to imagine I was a poet at open mic night, as emphasizing the words as if reciting them aloud actually helped make sense of them.

The bad:

- Much of the work is unintelligible. Even the areas where there seems to be some natural sense of poetry and it reaches to describe the indescribable, bag grammar and clunky phrasing frequently obscure any sense of what is actually happening.

- This really needed a good proofreading, or five. Errors like it's instead of its, and where vs. were, were common. There were many sentence fragments. Overall, it read like something translated through several languages in a game of ultimate telephone, then finally translated back to English in a mangled, mutant form.

- Painful, painful dialogue. This sci-fi at least attempts something flighty and surreal, where the mundane is dreamlike. Yet anytime someone spoke, or thought, it was rough, casual, and full of swear words.

- Death is pretty random. There aren't pros and cons stated or implied in the text, so options end up pretty much being a coin toss as to whether you die/end game or move forward. The very first choice in the game is a prime example of this problem.

- It ends just as a semblance of a plot has started. You explore a spaceship (I think...) and meet someone and have some pretty psychedelic dreams. That's about it.
-- Camelon on 10/11/2019 1:56:43 AM with a score of 0
This was pretty close to being words strung together at random.
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 10/10/2019 7:59:20 PM with a score of 0
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