VUWSA's NZUSA Referendum
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played times (finished )
"walk in the park"
"Make sure not to blink"
"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.
will vuwsa leave nzusa?? will rory and rick have a fight in the street?? who knows!
So... this is about trying to get a New Zealand student association to withdraw from a union, right?
on 9/28/2015 1:38:09 PM
I didn't understand, it was all a bunch of capitalized gibberish...
on 9/28/2015 9:58:07 AM
I have no idea what this story is or means. The joy of abbreviations is that things we know can be expressed in a simple form rather than a long winded form. When you don't know what VUWSA and NZUSA means it is like reading another language. Please translate.
on 9/26/2015 2:14:40 PM
No satisfying ending, no idea who my character is (personality/values wise) or what I'm doing, and just a huge lack of detail present throughout story.
It's also extremely linear, with only one particular choice in each branch allowing you to continue through the story.
I just couldn't care about what was going on. Maybe if I knew more about a few people in my office, or learned a bit more about this family that I have, I would have had been more determined to see through the final outcome.
As for the lack of detail, one whole page was simply:
"Ok, they said."
Minus the quotations, of course.
I need detail in my story games, characters I'm interested in, and some overarching goal I can get behind. This lacks all three and is ludicrously short; took me less than five minutes to complete, I reckon, and defiantly doesn't warrant a 4/8 for maturity (didn't even spot any light swearing).
Whilst the idea of being an exec in a political party/whatever/what even is VUWSA/NZUSA?/ect is one that hasn't been done before and hence holds some appeal, I feel like you just did this to test out the editor. I'd suggest finding a genre you like to read and then writing a piece of fiction in that genre; if you like writing it, more people are likely to like reading it.
And finally, make sure you re-read over your work (preferably multiple times, say six to a dozen) to check for grammar/spelling/clarity in storytelling/ect and take time to work on your stories. Rushing only hinders you as a writer and makes the piece less enjoyable for the reader.
Good luck in future endeavors.
on 9/26/2015 6:05:26 AM
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