Player Comments on You Choose (Part I)

It is useless to separate a game with the length of 1/8 into parts. I feel like this needs a lot more effort put into it, and there was barely any descriptive writing. The spelling and grammar was okay. You don't need to put *your name*, the reader doesn't really care what name they have.

1/8 for me

short :( and give the players more leeway on what they can do and how to change the story.

The Only choice was to open a fricken window?
Make it longer dammit!

What just happened?

Worser than Trump.

What the fuck was that?

I'm going to take a wild guess and say English isn't your first language. At least I hope not, considering you used the phrase, "You should decrease your imagination."

That was fairly dire.
I particularly liked the line "Mm.. I'm your mate "caller's name" who turns out to be my crush. I'll list the mistakes wrong with this six word sentence.
1) No one starts a conversation with Mm unless they are a robot.
2) Girls rarely refer to themselves as "your mate" (I'm assuming it's a girl because you didn't identify the gender).
3) People rarely tell you that they are your mates. They tend to assume you know that your both friends already.
4) If you are too lazy to think up a name for the person calling you then you have a long way to go.
5) There is no reason for "caller's name" to be in quotation marks.
6) As crush is a verb not an adjective we use it to say "I have a crush on..." rather than "... is my crush".
You lack a story, characters and plot, this is just a bunch of random stuff. I appreciate your probably very young but before writing it's important to know what you are going to write about. Otherwise it's just a bunch of random unfinished stuff like this.

This is not a story! There is no choice in this except as to whether I want to let a bird into my room! Please make this longer! PLEASE!

No! No no no no no! This was not a story. I literally just woke up and got a phone call. That is not enough to be a complete story, let alone a part 1. Also if it is called " You chose" then why do I not have any choices that affect anything? 1/8 from me. Burn this before it burns my retinas permanently.

http://chooseyourstory.com/help/articles/article.aspx?ArticleId=4046

Callers name. Some parents are terrible.
Yours, matey, need some stern talking to, for letting you believe this is how a story goes. At most, this is the beginning of a beginning, needs a middle and end. Some sort of conclusion. Or something keeping interest around, not in some hikkimori.

It wasn't bad, but boring and most likely took 10 minutes to make.

on the party

This time through I started randomly crying because a bird flew into my room, refused to answer the phone, then was compelled to nervously answer it the first time because I guess the ringing was too stressful (or the story didn't want to give me choices...) and then mumbled an excuse to turn down a party invitation presumably because social interaction terrifies me.

While the character is moderately more interesting when read this way, it still doesn't solve the no plot, no content issue and so I still couldn't rate this over a 1.

agreed with mizal its not finish unlike my!!!!

This will be removed as it's incomplete. You really ended before it even got started; absolutely nothing happens here.

What little writing there was wasn't bad, but the grammar needed cleaning up and that's inexcusable IMO when you only had a tiny handful of words to proofread in the first place.

Also, please give your characters names, not "your name" and "caller name". Unsure why "caller name" referred to themselves as 'your mate' either, I'm pretty sure no one actually talks like that.

Anyway, if you ever complete a story I'm sure it could be a decent one, but putting a 'part one' that took you maybe ten minutes to write your first day on the site was destined to end badly. I'd advise taking some time to familiarize yourself with the other stories, the help articles and the community before putting up a part two.

This was really... weird.

Okay, it's not recommended to split it up into parts, and if my name is actually "your name" then I'd change it as soon as possible. I feel bad for the guy who was called "caller's name". :/

What? That was strange and really didn't make much sense.