In his last moments, a man thinks longingly back on what he could've done to save himself and, more importantly, his daughter.

Technically, the quote is saying he didn't have sex with Monica Lewinsky. I would hope the majority of presidents have never had sex with Monica Lewinsky.

Real.

pepsi

Unescapable death tends to ruin things. 

"It's not enough that I should succeed—others must fail." - Kevin Chang

I'm slightly nervous to introduce dialogue. Right now the story is supposed to read as very reflective as mournful and i don't want to interrupt that. Do you have any ideas for how I can weave natural speech into the text without breaking the tone?

also yes I'll change beady

Thank you my friend! It started as a creative vent moment but I think I built it into something halfway decent!

I was thinking of changing that line. It'll take some thought though since it's supposed to parallel the beginning line about the asphalt being pounded by tires.

Do you have any other suggestions though? Like about tone or pacing whatever lol

Thank you! Can you expand a bit on the note about cliche? I really appreciate the feedback but I'd love to hear more specifics or ideas so I can improve.
 

as a note btw: This was a bit of a creative exercise and it was based on a real shooting that happened in my town (the guys brother had told him not to get involved with gangs and that's what this is based on).