2/7/2023

4/14/2023 12:47 PM

9

0

2 wins / 3 losses

Sage

this helps a lot thank you! honestly, I do struggle with describing stuff and all that, but just thanks for enjoying it! it isn't exactly the first paragraph of the story but the one I needed help with the most, Thanks again.!

thank you!, this is actually just a single paragraph a few pages in, but all of this is extremely helpful. Thank you so much!!!

Thank you! I have a terribly bad habit of sentence fragments. I will get to work on fixing those, thank you once again.

badabing badaboom i gave it spaces You turn around from the monitor to wander around your room pointlessly. The soft burr from the PC below fills the room faintly. the room is still. There does not even seem to be a fly buzzing around. Despite a large amount of opened and half-empty cups of noodles and soda. The studio smells of artificial air freshener plugged into an unknown corner of the room. You kick a pile of long-ago homework and assignments to a corner of the room unkept. the fridge emits a bright glow compared to how dark and abysmal the room is, you pick out a random UnbrandedSodaTM as you shut the door to the low-tech fridge and end up shrouded in the darkness. Taped onto the side of the fridge is a small remote with only three buttons. She pushes an unmarked button and suddenly the random LED lights that Noelle turned off as a passive prank glow once more a soft blue, complimenting the grey wall. You slam down the soda on the edge of the table where the monitors were placed and fall down on your bed. The constant talking from the other side of the wall just near your head grows. Classic college students. As you check your phone quickly to see which classes you may or may not have the next day. You realize it is the start of spring break. "Seven solid days to do jackshit" you murmur as you roll to your side to watch outside through the window. There is nothing out of the ordinary, the usual bird on the lamppost outside. Car rolling by. Occasionally the other people in the same complex run by you recognize them as a pack of freshmen at your college. Most likely high on adrenaline from being let go by their parents, doing stupid kid things. You close the blinds, which only blacks out the lamppost, considering how dark it is out on tonight's starless night. You just lay in bed. Wondering what to do next.

aight swag thanks

ya im going back to fix it. It is a force of habit, plus you are playing As a character for apart of the story

this is for my upcoming story, im not good with descriptions, so adding paragraphs of detail like this is difficult to me. Any type of constructive feedback is appreciated You turn around from the monitor to wander around your room pointlessly. The soft burr from the PC below fills the room faintly. the room is still. There does not even seem to be a fly buzzing around. Despite a large amount of opened and half-empty cups of noodles and soda. The studio smells of artificial air freshener plugged into an unknown corner of the room. You kick a pile of long-ago homework and assignments to a corner of the room unkept. the fridge emits a bright glow compared to how dark and abysmal the room is, you pick out a random UnbrandedSodaTM as you shut the door to the low-tech fridge and end up shrouded in the darkness. Taped onto the side of the fridge is a small remote with only three buttons. She pushes an unmarked button and suddenly the random LED lights that Noelle turned off as a passive prank glow once more a soft blue, complimenting the grey wall. You slam down the soda on the edge of the table where the monitors were placed and fall down on your bed. The constant talking from the other side of the wall just near your head grows. Classic college students. As you check your phone quickly to see which classes you may or may not have the next day. You realize it is the start of spring break. "Seven solid days to do jackshit" you murmur as you roll to your side to watch outside through the window. There is nothing out of the ordinary, the usual bird on the lamppost outside. Car rolling by. Occasionally the other people in the same complex run by you recognize them as a pack of freshmen at your college. Most likely high on adrenaline from being let go by their parents, doing stupid kid things. You close the blinds, which only blacks out the lamppost, considering how dark it is out on tonight's starless night. You just lay in bed. Wondering what to do next.

Ok sweet! I'm working on that tonight. Thank you

Ok so i have an idea about this woman getting a homemade video game from her programmer gf as a birthday present (the game is kind of like a Tamagotchi) and eventually, the game takes sentience and accidentally makes her life worse in the worst ways possible, and her (the player) has the choice to kill the game(and the innocent baby thing who you raised through the story) because of the pain its causing or let it be and continue it raise it with hopes of getting better Would this be interesting? and does anyone have any feedback on making this investing?