SirBakaTheFifth, The Reader

Member Since

11/29/2019

Last Activity

4/23/2021 8:52 AM

EXP Points

43

Post Count

7

Storygame Count

0

Duel Stats

1 win / 1 loss

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Sage

Commendations

1

 Hello! Welcome, you've landed here in my page! Unfortunately my goods are currently in the works. I am passionate about stories and the emotions they yield. I one day wish to wield such power. Yet I am still as only as young as an infant in this whole new world of writing.

 I see you're still here! Interested in what I have to say? Have you taken a liking to my words~? 

 Gosh, I'm feel happy to be here on this website. I am indebted to you for taking your time to read this page.

 Again, I deeply apologize. I don't have much to offer at the moment. However! If you remember me in the future, please, please visit me again in the far future. Maybe then I might have something interesting for you. 

 From here on is a foolish boy's ramblings, however, there are many talented people on this site. Far greater than I could ever stand against now. I want to stand with them. And if you're a fellow storyteller, stand your own ground, do your best.

 From Someone Who's Found His Respite In Writing.

 I'll be writing as much as I can. 

 

 I hope I'll be able to make both to be great fun.

Storygames

Out: [An Escape Room]
unpublished

 Taken from his everyday life, keep him alive before death claims him. 

.

.

 I woke up unable to move any of my limbs or see with my eyes.

 Was I blindfolded? I was seated down on a chair, but all my limbs were all tied tight with bindings. I tried shuffling around, but moving in them was futile.

 Suddenly, I hear footsteps shuffle in the background. "Who's there?!"

 ". . ."

 The sound of a hollow metal pipe clamouring with its surroundings. I freeze, uncertain. It was getting closer. I could hear my kidnapper begin to lift the metal object. Shit. I brace my body, tensing up every muscle... But nothing came. What I got instead confused me further.

 The stranger stuttered, words shaky as he if he was the scared one. "F-f-f-fuc-fuck. Fuck, I'm so- I'm so sorry." 

 A shiver came down my spine. I was dumbfounded. My body told me not to move, but this was all too strange. I didn't understand. I was left with the big question that no one was answering. Though, the fear in the man's voice prompted me to think twice before asking any questions. 

 He breathed heavily, not saying a word. We both stayed like that. And I hoped we'd stayed like that. Though my wishes were quickly thrown away. The stranger tears out a sudden scream as I hear him hustle towards me. I consequently scream in tandem, trying to scramble my way out of the chair. No use. 

 His weapon whacked me square in the temple, instantly knocking me out for good.

 


Pro1
unpublished

Expanding


Undermined [A Dating Sim]
unpublished

Recent Posts

Profiles on 10/4/2020 8:26:02 PM

B-BAKA! NANDE NI KURETE NO WA PROFILE PICTURE DA?

Thanks, very funny picture though. 


Writing Prompts on 10/4/2020 8:05:15 PM

 "Comprehension"

----

 "Hmm?!"

 Startled, I just stood there in front of the doorway. He looked like he was gonna collapse at any moment. I've never seen him look this exhausted before. The eye-bags under his eyes looked even heavier than the bags he was carrying. Despite that, his outfit was still clean and upkept with a navy v-neck sweater and a white dress shirt under, sleeves rolled up. His hair was short and a bit ruffled like usual. 

 As for me, I was slightly embarrassed to be in the simple, grey, fluffy turtleneck I wear to sleep. My hair was untied too, but the turtleneck was better than nothing. 

 I tilt my head, hair wagging to the side, "Zombie?"

 "I'm alive, sorry to disappoint," he promptly dismissed, waving his hand. "can I come in?" He wearily smiled.

 "Sure. You look like you haven't slept though. You okay?"

 He groggily heads in, not saying anything but shrugging his shoulders. I close the front door behind him. Is it lack of sleep? Or did something happen with family? I hope not. 

 We walk upstairs into my room. It was where we usually studied together. I brushed off some of the plushies littered in my room off the coffee table, placing them on my bed. I sat down with the coffee table in the middle of the room. Tanaka dropped his bags onto the floor, sitting adjacent from me. His face, still far from the definition of okay.

 "You sure you don't want coffee or an energy drink?"

 "Nah, I think I'm alright. I don't really like the taste anyway," he replied with a somnolent voice. He took out some study material from the bag, placing them on the table, his pencil case to the side. 

 Still not convinced, I questioned again, "Did you stay up last night? You look like you've seen a ghost."

 "It's nothing," he chuckled, but still stubborn as ever, he countered, "I just stayed a bit late last night, that's all." I raised an eyebrow, finding that hard to believe when this guy sleeps at 10:00. He even tried to start working, but his pencil simply hovered over the paper. 

 I leaned closer to him as if it would get me the answer. "Come onnn just tell mee!" I shook the table, forcing him to try and hold me down. "You've been studying late at night for the exam then, right? Even though sleeping up late is the bane of your existence." He seemed to perk up upon hearing that, looking away guiltily. I grinned. So I was right.

 He promptly moaned in defeat as he rubbed his head, "It's normal, isn't it? Exams are coming after all. I can sacrifice some sleep. Aren't you the one that's in the red Koharu? You're going to the same university as me."

 Geh, he got me right where it hurts. 

 "Don't try and change the subject!" I object. "Sure, I'm a little behind, but you're the one who's looking like death's right-hand man. Your grades are stellar as it is and like near the top of our school. I heard sleep is more important for exams anyways. Seriously, you don't want to break that beautiful sleep cycle." I giggled in some self-pity. Sleeping at 1:00 am isn't always the best of ideas. He laughed a bit too, cute even with his sleepy eyes. 

 Tanaka seemed to recover a little. He relaxed a little, leaning back on his arms. Then he grabbed a small eraser, lobbing it over to my chest. I manage to catch it though, promptly flinging it back to his forehead. On contact, he readily fell to the ground, making a dying gurgling sound as he sprawled his arms out wide. I found it dumb, bursting into a small laughing fitHe was smiling too. He stayed on the ground.

 "You know, I don't understand you sometimes. How can you be so calm when exams are three days away," he commented, still looking up at the ceiling. "I know I think I'll probably be fine, but still--I'm nervous. I'm nervous for you too. I want to make sure you pass, but I'm not confident in my teaching ability..." Upon hearing that, my heart ducked under. I was pulling him down. The guilt mauled my heart.

I shook my head, forcing the thoughts away, for now, focusing on Tanaka. "You're overdoing it," I consoled him in a soft voice. I stood on my knees, shuffling over to him and sitting down beside his face on the ground, grabbing his extended hand. They were warm. "Trust in me, we'll both do fine." The thoughts in my mind told me I had to try harder from here on out. I don't want to let him down anymore.

 "I really hope we do." Tanaka gripped my hand tight. He continued, "it's just that I've put so much planning and effort into the future. I studied for everything, but even so, I don't really have a plan B to fall back on. So if I somehow slip up--if I fail... I don't think I'd know what I'd do. That small chance... is scary." He laughed it off at first, but he brooded in that position for a while. Tanaka's eyes seemed to become shinier. I thought I saw tears in his eyes, but he turned his head to the side before I could get a good look. It was a bit awkward, but I don't want him to feel that way. 

 I smiled softly. I don't understand him sometimes. How is he able to work this hard. Whenever I'm faced with something hard, I usually distract myself with something else. Becoming someone who can stand beside Tanaka is gonna be hard. 

 I reciprocated his warm grasp on my hand. But, I know it'll be worth it. 

 With my other hand, I slap my exposed thighs under my black, comfy shorts. "You should rest for today. You can even sleep on my lap." 

 "I'm not a child."

 "Just let me do at least this much for you."

 He stayed facing away from me, covering his face with his other arm. But eventually, Tanaka coyly moved his head over onto my lap, trying to avoid my eyes. I stroked his hair as he laid like that. He was like a plushie. 

 "Thanks," he quietly murmured. 

 -

 Exams were mere days away. Despite that talk, Tanaka kept working hard, helping me study for the university examinations. I still honestly didn't understand how he can keep pushing himself like this, but, over the next three days, I started to get it. It made me want to work just as hard. I crammed and studied like it was my only purpose in life. At times I just wanted to stop and play some video games, but I had to do even better. Better and harder than since my confession to Tanaka. 

 On exam day, I made sure to scrape everything I learned from Tanaka on those exhausting study sessions. It went by in a flash. By the time I finished, my heart's been drowning me ever since. Ever since, until announcement day. 

 The ping of an email. All of our effort, at the mercy of an email. My finger hovered over the message. I almost didn't want to open it. My body was shaking. I wanted to tell Tanaka I passed. I want him to tell me he passed. I'm confident that he got in, but did I do enough? I wonder.

 I close my eyes and open the email.

PhoneEmail
 

----

 First of all, I'm very sorry. I went about going excessively over the word count. This is the first time I've tried carrying a story so heavily with my characters so please, give any feedback or point out areas that might have been boring to read. Feedback in general would be wonderful too. 
Second, the story might not really seem to fit with the word comprehension, although, I was thinking about the word the whole time while writing it. Hopefully, the theme comes out while you read. If it doesn't, just point it out for me if you would kindly.
Lastly, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my short. 

----

@Bluefur. Go ahead and take the wheel. 

Your word is control.


Writing Prompts on 9/27/2020 10:18:39 PM

T???e?¨?s???t??? ?`?1??? ???t?"?e???s?~?t??_i???n???g??_ ???1??? ???2??? ???3???
This was a test, don't worry about this.


Writing Prompts on 9/27/2020 10:10:45 PM

:)
Could I perhaps join in as well? Maybe with a prompt?
Thank you

-SirBaka


Profiles on 9/2/2020 6:19:54 PM

I like the hat. Thank you good Camelon.


Corona Tag! on 5/7/2020 8:40:00 PM


COUGH, COUGH...

His coughs almost sounded like gagging at the comical sight before us. The pure concrete wall had grown two folds higher last time we'd seen it.

"You're goddamn kidding me," I mumbled, exasperated. "The city might as well be surrounded by 100 concrete skyscrapers."

Kipper violently coughed into his mask with his elbow wrapped around it, though, not to stop the spread. He was using it to protect his face from banging into anything surrounding him. I pat him on the back and pushed my head back down on the car seat.

For a while, there's been nothing I can do but wait till his coughing fits cools down. He shook his head while he attempted to clear his throat. A sign that the series of coughs are almost over.

Rolling down the window, Kipper motioned at a few security officers patrolling the underside of the wall. "Looks like there's more of them too, we won't be able to get through the usual way."

A brief silence followed. We both knew that if we didn't get in, we might as well be dead the next following days.

"So what now? The only crazy people who'd buy 60 damn kilograms of Redroad are the Chen group. Those guys at the 7th Highway aren't going to order anytime soon either, they just gained some other supplier."

It'd be troublesome to sell Redroad to any other groups outside of those two. Furthermore, the drug's infamous nature has been spreading like a wildfire. If we go around selling it to minor gangs, we could get tied into a grand trafficking scandal.

I glanced over the lined-up vehicles at our front. For all the eyes could see, most of the bleak landscape outside of the walls was parched and barren, akin to old dried-up tree bark. The concrete road below us was no different. As our truck drove ever closer to the wall checkpoint with no plan at hand, the sun crept under the walls, leaving us in the dark.

The fact that Kipper was also one of the infected posed no help. The Medical Checkpoint Security Scans will put the whole place on alert immediately with his current stage of the infection. Hm? For a moment, I thought I saw Kipper smile.

"AH-AHEM, You remember Barson?" Kipper managed to hack out. "The guard who requested a Dust Model Colt."

An order that was from the opposite coast, great. "Yeah, so what, isn't he in the city of Firion? A late delivery is the least of our worries!"

If he wasn't smiling before, he was grinning like a child now.

"Well actually," he began, as he ruffled around in the glove compartment. "Turns out you'd want more guards if you're building a big wall right? Well~, he got transferred to the city of Porlon and I pieced together a nice scrapped gun chamber at the junkyard to go with the old frame. All while you were out on last delivery."

Giddily, he pulled the polished Dust Model out of the glove compartment, handing it over to me.

"..."

"Well?"

"Sigh," what a dunce, I thought. "How about you let me know earlier next time, huh?"

Still, grinning like a child waiting for praise, nothing could shake him when his idiot switch had been flipped. I smile back like an idiot. This kind of stuff isn't too bad once in a while.

"I admit, good job Kip. So keep that up and contact Barson, alright? I'm gonna get us in."

 

 

The checkpoint was tighter than my first time. The truck could barely scrape through. I couldn't imagine this is where all Porlon's supply trucks go through. The tunnel was dark and cloudy. The only quaint source of light was from the guard post as he quietly checks our parcel. His parcel.

Barson himself wasn't exceptionally interesting. He was a middle-aged man donned with a nicely kept, greying mustache paired with greying hair. His face was friendly, however, his eyes seemed desperate and exhausted. The uniform he wore was like any other guard. The only strange thing was that he smelled like he was fresh out of a pool. The smell of chlorine was pungent. I tried to not let it bother me.

"Here is how it is going to be. You won't need to pay us. However, we need five entries and five exits from you, into and out of the city. Including this one. What you'll get are the gun and a little a bonus." I wave a few hundred dollars in front of him.

He followed the wad of cash with his eyes. It was extremely unlikely that he'd refuse. Seeing how the city had spent their entire budget on their grand wall, there's a high chance that disposable guards like Barson would be widely underpaid.

He silently considered the proposition. "It's not a problem. I just need one condition. When you enter and exit the city, let me know a day ahead of time. It'll keep suspicion off my back."

"Then prepare yourself for tomorrow morning. We'll be out by then. We won't dig into your business so don't dig into ours, alright fella?"

"Then is it a deal?" He asked.

I handed over the cash, "Same checkpoint, see you tomorrow."

He opened the thick metal gate, and we drove off into the city. I didn't know that I wouldn't see him again.

Kipper roughly cleared his throat. The sounds he makes are like dying German goats. I'm not exactly sure what they sound like, but he sounded like it.

"Ah-ahem. We got in! It was almost too easy!"

"Oi, don't jinx us or anything. We still have to sell off our load." I reply.

"As long as you don't die, we'll be fine," Kipper says with a grin.

Greeted by the dying city of Porlon and a dying Kipper, the city was packed to the brim of tall structures and skyscrapers. The people and traffic were also squeezed tight. Though, we weren't here for those buildings or streets. Driving over the sidewalk, into the alleyways, the truck quietly hummed. We were finally entering Chen territory.

 

 

THUNK

The air was surprisingly stale. I step over to the warehouses where I was set to meet a Chen authority. The private property was swarmed with all sorts of thugs and addicts. Not to mention, the warehouses occupying the property were as large as a small town. Hell, the Chens might as well be their own town. I check the gun in my holster. Everything was set. As long as Kipper can guard the package, we'll be fine, I thought.

One of the subordinates opened the warehouse gates for their boss. There he was. Boss Hyun. He walks towards me, his sweaty chest exposed to the world. I could practically see my reflection off his chest. His muscles and build were also impressively large. He was covered with tattoos that resembled dragons. The two armed escorts beside him were minuscule in comparison. Were they even needed there? He paused at least a meter away from me, forcing me to step back.

"I assume you have them?" Hyun's condescending voice greeted. It was just like in the calls.

"All 60 kilograms of Redroad, yeah, so let's start with $500,000 for all."

"HAHA, you think you're clever? 60 kilos is nearly $280,000." He shoots back.

One kilogram is $4,900, about $294,000. Can't he do any math?

"Buddy, don't blame the price on us, blame it on your wall, gas prices and your huge order. We had to scour across the country to secure this much. You gave us a tough time. $500,000."

"Now now, I'm sure we can barter something to lower that price. Ah! What about two new packs of VMP? Specially 'acquired' from Bass Pharmaceutical? I see your friend in the car could use some."

I look back at the trunk. I could catch Kipper vomiting while in one of his coughing fits. Damn, is it finally progressing to stage IV? If anything, he'll need those VMPs next week anyways. Don't worry Kip. I'll get those VMPs.

"I'm amazed you can get an infected so easily in and out of the-,"

"I said we had a tough time did I not?" I cut him off.

Hyun paused for a moment before he resumed. "How about $275,000 and two VMPs for all of it?"

This guy is stubborn. He won't back off unless I try intimidating him, huh? Each VMP is around $21,000, I could get a sensible price at $290,000 but I could get a bit greedy.

"Look, I know you Chen need Redroad to function. Otherwise, the Chen won't be able to control their own people. I'll give you a good price, $310,000 and those two VMP's, and you get all of it."

He stares me down. I couldn't do much but restrain myself from wavering. He abruptly puts on a grin.

"Then we have a deal!" He grasps onto my hands and vigorously shakes them.

He then motioned one of the escorts to the truck. "Kill the infected kid."

What? I pulled my hands out of his grip, stepping back and drawing my pistol. I shoot, but he closed the gap quickly, knocking the barrel of the gun away. Narrowly, I evade his grasp, rolling onto the ground. I took aim once more and yanked the trigger.

CLICK

It jammed?! Was it the dirt?! He promptly grabbed onto my arm and disarmed me. I reached for my knife tucked in my back pouch, but he twisted my arm and swept my body off the ground. The ground hit me hard. Why is he doing this?

"What are you doing?!" I shout before receiving a heavy hit from the butt of a rifle, fracturing my skull.

The world spun. My mind was creating a tornado of a storm. Blood began to flow down. Veins on my neck and temple pulsated. They felt like balloons ready to pop at any moment. Doesn't he know I have protection insurance from the underground market? Well, I guess you can't call it protection if I'm damned and dying.

"The other factions, they won't rest until I'm back you know! They need my services! I'm a one of a kind special guy you see. You're starting a war!" was a half bluff but If it can give us a small chance...

"Then I'm sure you have good information from your work. After all, we are planning a war. Once this city is overtaken... Well, you'll see."

He motioned me away. The escorts took away my weapons and stuffed me into a bag. I was a free catch. I look back at Kipper and the truck. They haven't shot yet. Had Kipper managed an escaped? The truck was surrounded by thugs. But it was then I realized, there was no way for him to get out alive. It was a hopeless sight. Kipper couldn't do anything as he struggled to regain control of his body. He couldn't stop coughing.

There wasn't anything to gaze at. It was just another death on my hands. So I shut my eyes... And I screamed, I screamed, it merely brought me a bigger headache but I screamed. I was always, always, too weak to protect my closest friends. My family. I couldn't allow another death on my behalf, not again. Not again.

BANG

The rifle's fire marked Kipper's death. I was weak. That moment was when I knew, the Chen wasn't joking around with war. Inside those warehouses were barracks and training centers. They were breaking the International Arms Field Act. Those fuckers. I was set, set on burning the Chen down from the inside out the moment the chance presents itself. If only I could get a message out of Porlon,

It was then I spotted them. Hahaha... Were those two always here? Above on the catwalks of the warehouse, @MrDaoYi and @Oskon slicked back to the exit. I can only hope I can trust those two. The blood draining from my head had finally caught up to me. I close my eyes...

end


(afterword)
It was way too long, sorry. Those tagged read top post. Also it's been a while since anyone posted here so sorry if I somehow missed some mutual agreement to stop posting here. I'll take any criticism, you can be as harsh as you want.

 


Corona Tag! on 4/18/2020 12:41:52 AM

Edwart is very wholesome and nice.
Apart from some confusing parts. You could fix some of these issues with a good edit. For example,
"I need to look presentable as possible since..." and "...please let me go, this is very comfortable."

For the first section, the committee meeting, I was confused because I didn't know it was a school at first so I just thought Edwart as some old dick since committees meetings irl are filled with old or powerful guys. Other readers might come across the same confusion. 

This is an artistic view so you're free to disagree, but I believe that if you made the committee meeting more formal and serious, you'll be able to contrast the more comedic element of Edwart and the director's rebuttals in her mind to make it more outrageous and perhaps funny.

I'd also like to comment about your first simile, 
"It spreads joy in me, like a virus."
Viruses are generally considered bad or malicious so I got put off when I read this simile. Joy and viruses don't go together unless you're a college student (fyi I'm not a college student). Maybe something like
"It spreads joy in me, like the ever expanding sea." 
For a more calming effect. I'm not an expert on similes or metaphors though.

Moving on to the second section, I like the dialogue, it's where all that wholesome meat is. Though, I believe some of the descriptions could be misleading if I were to interpret it wrong. When I read
"I reach out and grab Ewart's arm, my eyes widening and a desperate look on my face."
I acquired an image of a more perverted person than a teacher concerned about her disciples. 
If you haven't already, try reading over your work like a fresh reader, a blank slate, and see what images you construct when you read your words. 

The end section acting as a kind of epilogue is great, I have absolutely no problems with it. So overall, good story. Keep writing!