If you have free time and want to read a short story where the rhyme "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" is put in play...Read Ahead!!
It was a grey, rainy afternoon when the miners came rushing back from the mine within a mountain next to your village. They went straight to the village leader to show him a stone ore like no other seen before. It was mainly of a purple hue with rainbow colors swimming inside it like waves, coming and going. A beauty that struck people to silent admiration. Not knowing what to use the ore for or its true value, the village leader decided to store it in the fairly large shed just outside the village next to boat harbor (where tools, furniture, and items not used anymore are stored). However, some merchants happened to be at the village during this discovery, they spread the news about this rare ore to other towns and villages they visited. It was not long until some strangers came to your village.
During a mid-Spring day, you run outside to the shore lining your village, calling out to your mother so she can hurry. The wide river’s shore lined your village’s south border; whereas a wall made of a high mountain chain lined both the west and north borders; lastly was a thick forest covering the east border. Surrounded by nature, living in a small and kind village, no thirteen year old child can be as excited as you were that day. From the nearest house to the boat harbour, your mom came out walking towards you. It was your first outing with your mother since you got a newborn little sister. As a family, you were going to ride your little boat on a short excursion through the calm river.
“Come on mom! Let’s not waste anymore time today and get on the boat!” you loudly call out full of enthusiasm.
“Coming, coming! Just wait a bit,” she replies.
After what seemed like forever, you were finally flowing down the river with your family on a humble but strong boat. Hearing the rushing water, seeing the shimmering waves, feeling the warmth of the sun; you relax with joy filling your entity as you row the boat. Surprisingly your sister fell asleep quickly, she was a very quiet baby. Then you hear your mum hum a little rhyme: “Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream.”
It’s a famous rhyme around your village. People usually say it when riding their boats down this river. It reminds people to keep going not quitting life despite the difficulties.
Right after eating lunch on a shore farther down the river, your family of three hops back on to the boat for the ride back. By the time your rowing made the boat reach the village’s shore, the sun was setting with spectacular colors of orange, purple, and yellow. While walking back to your house, you notice people you’ve never seen before dressed in black attire as they speak to your village leader and other adults. One of the kind adults in the village notices your family’s return and tells your mother that she must come and see the commotion. Leaving the tiny but heavy baby in your arms, she rushes over to the crowd after telling you to go home. Obediently you walk home while sneaking glances at the stranger’s commotion. When night fell down hushing the people, your mom finally came back. Unable to hold your curiosity in, you ask about those strangers everyone was talking to. A worried look filled her face. She said that they came for the rare ore the village miners found two full moons ago, but the village leader feeling suspicious about the strangers, refused to give it or disclose any information about it.
“BOOM!” A shaking sound of a strong explosion overwhelmed your ears. Quickly running outside to see what’s going on, you see a fire taking over a village house about fifty feet away. Another bomb goes off in the house next to the one across from yours. Fires all around the village burst spontaneously eating all that’s in the way. Shortly after were shrill screams filling every corner of the village. Looking around only to find those strangers clad in black going around and stabbing everyone they see with sharp blades. They had eyes of ice and blades dripping with blood. This was a massacre, a thing you’ve never seen before.
Overtaking the shock of the scene, your mom gets your baby sister and runs to the shed next to the boat harbor pulling you along. She takes that mysterious ore the strangers are after and wraps it into the blanket which your sister was wrapped in. Every other villager was either running in no certain direction, or already on the ground not moving. In a daze from the unbelievable happenings, you were still being pulled by your mother closer to the river. A strong slap pushes your face to the left.
“Pull it together!” shouts your parent bringing you to your full senses.
“Sorry,” you declare as you step into the boat and get more serious.
The moment your mother was about to step on to the boat, she stops. Warm blood splatters on your face making your knees break down like jelly. An iron dagger was thrust through her heart from behind. Your newborn sister falls onto your lap as you stare at your mother. Crimson red blood was flowing down her chest, dripping off the big iron blade. A grown man standing behind her had the face of a maniac. With wild eyes, he was laughing saying that’s what they get for refusing the boss, and pulled out the bloody blade to lick it. Coughing red liquid she slowly turns around to the laughing killer punching his face in what strength she had left, throwing him unconscious. Almost fully drained of life she falls down on the wooden harbor soaked with her blood.
“Row,” she says with desperate eyes looking at you.
“N-no,” you stutter.
“Row,” she repeats.*Cough**Cough* “I can’t come with you. My dear, this is the end for me. You children must live. You must make sure these evildoers never get that stone.”
“No! I can’t leave you. You’re coming too, mom,” speaking with a shaky voice, you refuse to row.
“Row! Go away! *Cough* Don’t give up your life, you need to take care of your sister. Now, ROW!” still bleeding a lake of blood, her last shout made you move.
Taking hold of the boat paddles, you begin to row. Your eyes begin pouring hot tears and look at your mother’s face one last time. Her half dead eyes that were barely open slowly close. A smile appears on her face. You row on gazing upon the raging flames that eat the sky as they consume what was once your home. Family, neighbors, and friends had their lives stolen. Their bodies and crimson blood painted the village as monsters feverishly searched and murdered. Was life a dream you asked yourself? It was not. Your heart ached, your arms ached, your whole body ached; but you were determined to not give up. Your mother’s last words were burned to your memory. Even with this scar, you row, row, row your boat.
All critisizim is welcome. Tell me the short-comings of this story so I can write better in the future.
I'm trying to figure out why you used bold text for the entire thing.
No reason. Just playing around.
Whatever. Each to their own.
What about the story itself, did it at least muse you? Maybe not?
The whole premise of implementing the row, row, row thing with tense murder and explosions did muse me, yes. I think I’m aware of what you were trying to do, but I personally would've preferred the story taking a bit more pause to build up the entire attack, instead of it happening suddenly. However, I think that's something that would be difficult to do given the whole 'short story' constraints that you placed on yourself.
Other than that, I think what's here is a decent story.
Sounds good! I guess some build up to the attack could've made it better. I'll remember that for next time.
Mhm. I hope you keep at it with your writing. Maybe if you get the inkling of wanting to even create a cyoa-styled for this website, I think it's an endeavor that will go well enough for you.
Of course, I would also recommend seeking out the writing workshop section to improve the overall quality of such a thing. There's many here that are way better at me when it comes to giving criticism and pointers.
Okay! Hopefully :)