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Questions about a storygame? Thoughts on Eternal? Any other IF you're playing out there?

Eternal Fan Content

one year ago

Not sure if other people on this site know the internet thing where you assign onion headlines to fictional characters, but I made a bunch for Rogues and Eternal while I was bored, so with any luck other people will find these funny too.  Enjoy.



Zal & Aron:  Work friend accidentally becomes real friend

Aron & Erin:  Best friends each secretly think of the other as sidekick

Aron, hero of holgard arc:  Man knows to stay away from certain parts of own psyche at night

Innkeeper:  Area man knows exactly which relatives would be a problem if he ever came into money

Tom:  I’m so blessed to be surrounded by people I can extort money from

Vera:  Friend attempting to provide comfort has no clue what the f*ck she’s talking about

Aron:  Area man’s life comes to tragic middle

Aron & Tanya:  Relationship definately hurtling towards something

Aron:  Area man going to go ahead and consider that a date

Aron & Tanya:  Man, woman, experiencing two very different sexual tensions

Virgil:  Alcoholic’s plan for turning life around doesn’t involve getting sober

Mr. Reynolds:  My advice to anyone starting a business is to remember that someday I will crush you

Tanya looking at Aron, covered in blood in a summoning circle:  Ex-boyfriend just thought he’d check in and throw entire day off

Temple of Knowledge:  Psychic helps police waste valuable time

Aron with Yvette:  Man has carefully calculated timeline for revealing negative personality traits to new girlfriend

Priest of Yag:  God has kind of a loose outline for us all

Aron:  Local man thinking about becoming an asshole

Aron, hero of holgard arc:  What I do in the bedroom stays between me and my night terror hallucinations

Tanya:  How to stop trying to be the girl he wants you to be and become his waking nightmare

Garrick:  Oh, so I’m distant and emotionally abusive for several years, and all of a sudden I’m not good enough for you anymore?

Yvette:  Date’s flaws coming at woman faster than she can rationalize them

Heather:  “It’s real easy”, declares IT guy about to speak incoherently for next 30 seconds



Alison & Francis:  Work friend accidentally becomes real friend

Cyrus:  I’m pretty sure I’m carrying out god’s will

Francis, Survivor arc:  Man reaches first of dozen breaking points to come

Francis, Survivor arc:  Man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had

Nicodemus, Harbinger arc:  This sh*t again

Casimir, returning to Mortos:  Prodigal asshole returns

General Ackerson:  I’m not one of those insecure generals who needs to win a lot of battles

Semra:  Relationship not a power struggle, woman who’s winning reports

The Eyes:  We’re on to you:  We don’t know what your angle is yet, but rest assured, we’re going to find out

Francis, Survivor arc:  Man realizes he’s beginning to stand for something

Francis, Harbinger arc:  It’s not an easy thing to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it

The eternals:  Group of good-looking people all headed toward same place

Francis:  Local asshole attains world-class status

Francis, opening a portal to the realm of the dead:  Area man just ruined it for everyone

Francis, about gnome soul banishment:  I’m not sure why I should suffer for something I did 10 years ago and would do again in a heartbeat

Alison:  I can’t believe I’m dying in such a cliched manner

Lena:  If someone tried to burn my village I’d be like, ‘f*ck you’

Dendrin:  Zing!  I just got you with another one of my trademark “complete lies”

Francis, Harbinger arc:  If only I’d listened to virtually anyone

Brenda:  Woman honestly thought breakdown would be more obvious to people

The Eternal & Gruz fighting, beg path:  Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time?

Casimir & Francis:  Dad’s been on a parenting kick lately

Casimir:  Until I had kids, I never thought I could love something almost as much as myself

Talia Cyrus & Francis:  Teen goes through anti-government guerilla phase

Francis & Decena:  Relationship definately hurtling towards something

Casimir:  Father’s dying wish a real hassle

Jacob:  Man suddenly regretting asking to be taken seriously by peers

Semra:  You call that groveling?

Lena:  I may not be the prettiest girl in the room, but what I do have is a gun

Brother Gray:  Sunday school teacher can already tell which ones going to hell

Fish Jennifer:  My bloodline would mix well with that of an advanced reptilian race

Eternal program:  Genetic experiment goes horribly right

The Shadows:  His holiness has repeatedly stated this is not a cult

Master Ebon:  Pope admits:  ‘God ain’t said sh*t to me’

Francis taking down sea monster:  Injury that will cause excruciating pain for rest of life thankfully not season-ending

Francis:  Constantly worry what other people think about your war crimes is no way to live your life

Francis & Semra:  Man, woman, experiencing two very different sexual tensions

Casimir:  Genocide is such a harsh word

Francis, Gruz, Gerald, & Roldan, beg arc:  Report:  38% of road trips end with burying friend in shallow grave in desert

Galen:  Psychic helps police waste valuable time

The empire:  It’s still not to late to greet us as liberators

Mol family:  Archaeologist tired of unearthing unspeakable, ancient evils

Francis, relic arc:  Man always gets emotional on anniversary of father’s death he orchestrated

Semra, 500 years in the future:  Oh yes… I am still very much alive!

Dendrin:  God has kind of a loose outline for us all

Semra:  Villain contends she, hero,’Very much alike’

Francis torturing Eldolith:  Study finds expressing anger in unhealthy ways actually incredibly satisfying

The empire:  We must all do our part to preserve this climate of fear

Jacob:  Employee wishes he had enough job security to voice opinion

Azreal:  I don’t define myself by my ability to travel between dimensions

The Eyes:  Know any good state secrets?

Francis & Semra:  Couple tired of always having same knife fight

Dendrin:  Boy, I’ve really put you in a tough spot, haven’t I?

Francis:  Vetran kind of surprised killing all those people didn’t give him even a little PTSD

Francis:  Why I stopped overthinking and started overreacting

Brenda:  What surprised me most about becoming a parent was that I was forced to by the government

Francis:  It’s terrifying to think that in 1000 years, all of us will be forgotten except for me

Francis:  Wow!  This man is super wrong but also very loud so who knows

Jacob:  How to stay calm even though everyone missed what you just said and it was really good

Dendrin:  How to live your truth but still lie for fun

Decena:  Gentle ways to let him know you’re dating each other

Eternal Fan Content

one year ago

Well I like it.