Hi everyone! You probably don't know me at all because I've been lurking on here for a long time (my bad, I can be very shy sometimes lol). Anyway, the very first storygame I've drafted had turned out to be quite the long and convoluted challenge, so I promptly put that one on hold for a while now. But, since I've had a lot of time on my hands lately--I'm sure you guys can guess why--I decided to start a much shorter, beginner-friendly story. It's called "Imprint" and it's pretty much finished, I was just looking for someone with some experience on here to look it over for any grammatical errors/misspellings/edits/notes. It's pretty darn short, maybe like a twenty, twenty-five minute read? Anyway, if anyone has some spare time on their hands and would like to help a very novice writer out, let me know! Or just say hi, that's always very fun too :) Thanks!
Thank you so much! Yeah, I can be very bad at reading over and checking my own stuff, especially if it's not printed out--which is how I prefer to edit--so I probably wouldn't have caught those diaglogue issues (I have no idea how I would print out the whole thing, epecially since I made the very unwise decision to draft it in like, three different spots. A good note to self for next time to draft in a singular document).
In reference to the description and the timing issues you pointed out, I started the story with a very murky grasp of what I wanted the characterization to be, so I think I'll go back to some of the first pages I drafted and kind of revise some of those details.
Lastly, for the very linear timeline, right after I posted this I actually lurked in a couple other writing workshop threads, and I realized that linear is probably not the best way to go. I'm going to try to add some other endings too, I think that will make for a much better storyline especially for a choose your own adventure site (duh).
Anyways, thanks again! I'm glad I had my learning curve with this short story instead of a much bigger project--though, I don't expect that this will be my last time encountering issues. Again, I am a newbie. Thank you!