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Find proofreaders here, useful resources, and share opinions and advice on story crafting.


11 months ago
Hello there! I'm worried that my stories aren't that good, so I'm inviting everyone to help me revise them. If you'd like, I can repay you by doing the same for some of your stories. Of course, that's optional.

Thank you so much for reviewing my forum, even if you don't decide to contribute! 😄


11 months ago

If you think your stories aren't good, there are plenty of articles on the site with solid writing advice that can help you to improve. Aside from that, I'd suggest looking at featured and/or highly-rated stories to help get a feel for things.
Good luck in your writing endeavors.


11 months ago
Commended by mizal on 7/12/2023 11:33:29 AM
Co-authoring isn't exactly widespread around here, mainly because of it being easier to write something cohesive alone. Though, for your purposes a co-author may not be needed anyway - just asking for advice and revisions on the forums with a sneak peek is good enough.

I gave Dead Silence a quick skim-through:

The first thing I noticed was the "personality scores", and I had to quickly go back to make sure this was a horror instead of a puzzle storygame. As I played through, it became apparent that these scores play no role in the story whatsoever (You even gave up on tracking them after a few updates). Typically if you are to throw stats into the mix, they would influence the story somewhat by restricting choices or endings. I can't go into the editor itself, but I assume that you're manually putting them in. My suggestion: delete them, unless you have actual plans (in which case check out the variables/advanced editor section in help & info).

Secondly, branching isn't too pronounced here. After backtracking and running through all the choices, nearly every ending is located within 2-3 choices of the starting page. For the reader (me, at least), it feels like they exerted no meaningful control over the story before it ends. I can't give concrete suggestions for adding more choices that feel fleshed out, but definitely read some of the higher rated stories on the site to see examples. I was reminded of Sherbet's Monster a little.

I'm not going to comment on the plot too much, but you laid a good foundation for readers to be curious about suite 66 without actually answering the question in any of the endings. Hopefully the two empty pages address that. Without, the entire story feels less horror and more mundane.

SPAG and writing quality was pretty good overall, though you might want to run through it to make sure you're in present tense. Last thing, if you're planning on making a sequel, just make sure the first story isn't incomplete. Stories should be good as standalones.

Best of luck with your writing.


6 months ago

i can try and help if you still need