Cumulative Sentences, Part 1

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How to Write Cumulative Sentences, pt. 1

Before reading this one, I recommend reading my article on additive sentences. Additive sentences are easier to wrap your mind around, and will give you a good base for learning cumulative sentences.

1. Quick Review of Additives

Additive sentences are all about connecting independent clauses to other independent clauses. Cumulative sentences are not like that.

Cumulative sentences, at their most basic level, involve connecting an independent clause to a dependent clause, using a comma. (Remember, an independent clause means "it could stand on its own as a complete sentence"; a dependent clause means "it can't stand on its own as a complete sentence")

Ind. Clause, Dep. Clause <--- that's the basic formula

All cumulative sentences need to start with an independent clause. Here are some:

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The cup of coffee sat on the window sill

He stared at the rack of jeans

We walked hand-in-hand through the street

He was a man of substance

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Right, just basic, ordinary run-of-the-mill independent clauses.

Now, just to review, let's do additive stuff to them:

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The cup of coffee sat on the window sill, and it remained there for weeks.

He stared at the rack of jeans; nothing appealed to him.

We walked hand-in-hand through the street; however, we were soon to break up.

He was a man of substance, but only a day before, he had killed his wife.

- Here, I'm just sticking another independent clause to the first independent clause using one of the three techniques I taught you in my article on additive sentences. But that's boring, and we know how to do that already. You are ready; it's time for you to fly.

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2. Get Psyched: it's Cumulative Time.

When we want to do cumulative things to sentences, we add details to sentences, using dependent clauses connected by commas to an independent clause. We can't add an independent clause to another independent clause using a comma because that makes a comma splice, and we spit upon those. So we can't do this:

"We loved our teacher, we cared for her like she was our mother." <--this sucks.

But we can do this:

"We loved our teacher, caring for her like our own mother." <--this is cumulative.

"we loved our teacher" is an independent clause.

"caring for her like our own mother" is a dependent clause, because it's not a complete sentence.

So this is a good cumulative sentence--one independent, plus some number of dependents, connected by commas. In cumulative land, we only connect stuff with commas.

TERM TO KNOW: the independent clause in a cumulative sentence is often called "the kernel."

3. Cumulative clauses let you pause and describe.

The kernel (aka, the independent clause) lays out a point--something to focus on, or the main topic under consideration. Then the cumulative, dependent clause lingers. It describes. It slows the sentence, letting the camera move across the scene.

It is gold where description is desired. Observe:

The cup of coffee sat on the window sill, emitting steam into the cool autumn air.

He stared at the rack of jeans, a rack that he had confronted several times before.

He was a man of substance, caring nothing for modern fads or celebrity news.

We walked hand-in-hand through the street, hand-in-hand like lovers.

4. Go Nuts. Add more dependent clauses. It will sound amazing.

The cup of coffee sat on the window sill, emitting steam into the cool autumn air, balanced

precisely on the marble sill, handle pointing towards the girl sitting attentively in the rocking

chair, painted a pale pumpkin color, matching the trees outside, trees that were shedding their

leaves furiously.

He stared at the rack of jeans, a rack that he had confronted several times before, without any

hope of finding clothes that fit him or that suited his strange, fourteen-year-old gawky body, pale and thin and all limbs since he had hit puberty last year, a stage of life that he prayed every day would soon end.

We walked hand-in-hand through the street, hand-in-hand like lovers, although we were not yet

lovers, walking slowly, walking without thoughts of the performance ahead of us, without

thoughts of the struggles behind us, like two slowly gliding balloons in a light breeze.

He was a man of substance, caring nothing for modern fads or celebrity news, trivia that

appeared in his morning newspaper, quickly disregarded as he flipped to the business section, a

section that he had been steadfastly reading for the past fifty years, a testament to his

singleminded focus on his money, a sign of his disregard for the time he lived in, a time of mere

fluff and nonsense, to hear him describe it.

***Note that cumulative sentences can be long! They don't have to be, but they can be. But they must have one and only one independent clause. No exceptions! Otherwise you are a filthy comma splicer. And what do we do to them? That is correct. We know.

5. Why do you want to do this cumulative thing?

The rhythm and structure of cumulative sentences makes you describe fully, thoughtfully, pushing you, the writer, to return to your original thought, demanding that you think about both how the sentence sounds rhythmically and how much precision of description you are offering. It sounds amazing. It has, and I am not attempting to exaggerate for effect, a hypnotic pacing if done well.

Using this sentence will change how you are perceived as a writer. You will win fame and money and adoration of the masses.

6. Techniques for creating cumulative connections:

How do you do it? Here's a bunch of options. (I should tell you up front that in *this* article, I am only teaching you a particular type of cumulative called a right-branching sentence, and only using clauses that modify the base clause. Don't worry about that stuff right now. In part two, I'll show you other ways--but below is the basic technique, and you can and should use it immediately.)

Kernel: He stood for a long time in front of the window.

***Technique A. To make a great cumulative, just add a dependent clause that starts with an -ing, or -ed, or -en verb form:

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He stood for a long time in front of the window, watching the car pulling away.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, dressed in silk and velvet.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, shaken by the recent argument with his boss.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, thinking happily of his son.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, destroyed completely by the news in the letter he clutched in his hand.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, laughing crazily at the present he had left in her

desk.

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***Technique B. Or you can add a dependent clause that starts with "the" or "a" and then a noun.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, the window that was covered in cobwebs.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, the man with the red knit cap and fuzzy

pompom.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, a time that he would often remember as the

saddest moments in his life.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, the brilliant boy with the tear in his eye.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, a broken window that he had replaced back

when grandpa was still living there.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, a silent time for reflection.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, a pause to collect his thoughts.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, a simple piece of glass that offered a view of the

swimming pool.

(You can repeat a noun that was already in the kernel, or not. Either way can work.)

***Technique C. Or start your dependent clause with a pronoun!

He stood for a long time in front of the window, his hands slowly dropping to his sides after

waving goodbye.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, its fading green paint blistering in the heat.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, his straw hat at a jaunty angle.

***Technique D. Or try an adverb (usually ends in -ly)

He stood for a long time in front of the window, cheerfully squinting at the sun.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, steadfastly standing guard as the queen left the

palace grounds.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, busily practicing his lines for the play that

evening.

***Technique E. Or you can use any noun you want, to start the dependent clause, to turn the eye of the camera where you like.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, flames raging just outside.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, stomach filled with brandy and despair.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, sounds from the marching band on the street

below reaching even his penthouse apartment.

***Technique F. A favorite of mine: making a simile cumulative by starting the dependent clause with "like" or "as"

He stood for a long time in front of the window, like a moss-covered statue in a sculpture garden. (of course if you like a straight-up metaphor better, omit the "like" and it *still* sounds good!)

He stood for a long time in front of the window, as full of laughter and good cheer as Santa Claus on a Christmas card.

He stood for a long time in front of the window, as though laser beams might come out of his

eyes and bore a hole in it.

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That's a lot to take in, and it takes practice. Above, I've given you mostly cumulatives that take the form IC, DC. But many great cumulative sentences have other forms, and that's what I'll be talking about in the follow-up to this article.