Gower, The Grandmaster of the Written Word

Member Since


Last Activity

7/5/2022 6:33 PM

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Duel Stats

0 wins / 0 losses


Notorious Marauder Exemplar



"He was slightly less unfun."




"Somehow there was comfort in coffee despite his misery; the only comfort in a black world." -- Hornblower in the West Indies


Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Earning 2,000 Points Powerful Professor with an A plus grade on many aspects of this site. Be it writing, helping others, or a positive attitude while doing those things. Having 3 Storygame(s) Featured Rated 93.3% of all Stories Given by BerkaZerka on 12/14/2019 - For an inspiring display of creativity ^v^ Given by EndMaster on 01/07/2020 - You may be fooling the rest, but I know you’re up to no good. Given by Killa_Robot on 02/24/2021 - For having all the best words. Also great contributions to the site. Given by MadHattersDaughter on 03/29/2021 - Your stories are some of my favorites on the site. I’m still not convinced you are not my writing doppelganger. . . Given by mizal on 10/11/2019 - For your exceptional games and articles, many forum contributions, and disturbing sweetness and light. (Sorry about McAllen, it wasn’t our idea either.) Given by Will11 on 10/12/2019 - For your excellent stories and many worthwhile contributions to the site :)


Featured Story Kelly Unicornstrider and Friends (1982-1985) Super Quiz

A comprehensive quiz + bonus fan faction about the the underrated cult classic show "Kelly Unicornstrider and Friends" (1982-1985). Questions range from really easy to really difficult.

Featured Story Private Game for Natalie

I think putting this on "publish" makes it so only we can see this. It's just for us, sweetie. I made it to celebrate our anniversary and remember some special intimate moments together over the years in an interesting way as a present for you.

I hope you love it, Natalie, as much as I love you!

(Of course if there's any admin looking at this, or if I messed up, don't read this, because it's got private things in it.)

Featured Story Sabbatical Report Presentation

This is my required report to the full faculty in accordance with the rules noted in the Faculty Handbook (version 15.1, as of October 2017)

Sixteen Words

"Personally I can only read 16 words in one go before words stop working," wrote Mizal.


This game has sixteen words per path.  Not counting "The End."  So you can play quickly.


When reviewing, please use precisely sixteen words.   That should be plenty for your suggestions and observations.


Note this challenge connected with this game:  Write the Last Page!

Articles Written

Basic Sentence Structure: Additive Sentences
Comma Use and Additive Sentences with lots of examples

Commendations, Orders, and Titles
An introduction to commendations, orders, and titles, and an explanation of how commendations differ from points.

Cumulative Sentences, Part 1
An introduction to the sophisticated and elegant cumulative sentence style.

Cumulative Sentences, Part 2
Master the elusive and attractive cumulative sentence by using panning and zooming style of description.

Dialogue Punctuation
This is a brief discussion of how to punctuate dialogue in US and UK English. It also notes a few rules for quotation mark use in general.

Relative Sentences
A lecture on how to write relative sentences using restrictive and non-restrictive clauses.

Semicolons and Advanced Additive Sentences
This article explains how to use semicolons to create new types of additive sentences. It includes the plain semicolon and semicolons with transition words.

All about Trophies.

Understanding Style: The Sweet Style
An introduction to style, focusing on "sweet" style. How to recognize it, when to use it, and when to avoid it.

Recent Posts

hi on 6/7/2022 1:31:47 PM

Welcome to the site. I do hope you enjoy your time here.

Villains on 5/8/2022 4:24:26 PM

My dearest friend,

You know, or think you know, even before I reply, what I will say.  You look at these pages, blurred with droplets that let's call tears for your predicament, but we both know is probably sweat or grease from dinner, and you think, ah, even though everyone else is silent, you can count on good old Gower to reply, to give you some solace in your imprisonment.

You think, as well, that I will make some mild jest, like you having spelled "favor" as "favour" for some insane geographical reason, or possibly say something about a semicolon and move blithely on.  Perhaps mention the errant "it's" at the end of one of the last paragraphs.  (it's full, uncontainable fury.)  But no, no, I will not mention these things.

However, of these matters I say nothing.  Indeed, I would like to encourage you to take what you have written and halve it.  I think, too often, old friend, that in your eagerness to make that connection with me, the reader, you retread ground that either you already have betrodden--trod--treaded--walked on, or make explict things that would be best left to the imagination.  The rhetorical questions followed by the restatements two or three times--(" Doesn’t really add up, does it? Not the recipe for a cold blooded killer that people would expect. I was a good boy. I was raised right. I had a kind and honest soul.---or " I have heard the best place to start when trying to comprehend the mind of a criminal is to look at their background. Where they were born, how they were raised, who their parents were. The age old question of nature vs nurture. How far can the apple fall from the tree?" --- or " What can I say? History belongs to heroes and kings, not career criminals who build their fortunes on a foundation of death and destruction. If this city remembers me at all, it will doubtless be as a grim little footnote in it’s long, wretched saga. An old wives tale used to frighten small children at night." 

All lovely sentiments, no doubt, but highly *condensable* and with a prologue like this, I think less is more.  We do not wish to tire of this voice, and this voice that repeats and rechews moves from the intriguing to wearying at times, especially when that voice is telling me how cool they are multiple times.  Let me decide, in short, if you do things by half.

I would be most interested if you were to revise this prologue and see what you can strip away from it.  After all, what else is there to do while you await your death.


As Always,

Your obedient humble servant,

Professor Gower

Fantasy Recommendations? on 5/5/2022 1:44:36 PM

The Second Age of Middle-Earth is a pretty open playground for fiction.  We'll see.  I'll be optimistic for now and then judge it later.

Fantasy Recommendations? on 5/5/2022 11:41:08 AM

Thank you, Avery.  I wasn't going to say it, but you said pretty much exactly what I was thinking.

What are we reading now? on 4/29/2022 12:44:33 PM

I don't believe I have ever once heard C.S. Lewis referred to as Clive Lewis.

A Jolly Little Song on 4/21/2022 7:52:50 PM

I guess I just feel like you should use poetic elisions only when the meter absolutely forces you to.  Otherwise you're going to end up in "o'er" and "t'other" town.  Maybe it's just me.

A Jolly Little Song on 4/21/2022 4:52:03 PM

One night my father left to drink,
And ne’er returned no more.

I would do, "And he returned no more" so you can avoid the "ne'er" which I don't think you need there.


But now it burns whene’er I piss,
And my cock is swollen sore!


Here, the meter of the second line is off--I would try "But now it burns me when I piss / my cock is swollen sore" -- that way you can keep the iambic trimeter steady in that second line without the triple stressed syllables.

This is awesome.


Accepting own article on 4/20/2022 8:37:15 AM

I'd like to have the ability for those with minor article moderation powers to accept their own article after major revisions, because the workaround for it is really annoying.  When I am exhuming the cadavers of dead CYSians' articles and rewriting their articles, a single button accept would be so much easier than the current annoying way of changing the author name in edit, accepting the edit, unpublishing, re-editing the name for some reason, reaccepting, and then like six other steps that I have to rediscover every time I do it. 

Removing the block on self-accept would allow me to revise and put up articles more quickly and easily and more efficiently incentivize me to use this minor power for evil and self-dealing and not for good.


Hello from a ghost on 4/15/2022 8:38:46 PM

Thanks for reminding me that I needed to take that comma sentence out,

Corgi's Contest: Lords of the Land II on 4/14/2022 6:49:49 AM

And so, after what seemed like months and months of study and poring over dusty codices, like Gandalf in the archives at Minas Tirith, the wise judges have deemed their doom and found a victor.

Congratulations to Ogre, whose story, "The Murdered Official," received an eyebrow-lifting 36 points out of 36 possible points, with all three judges choosing his story for their top selection.  In this tale, we learn about devious dealings in high places, showing that Ogre deeply understands the rotten underbelly of a corrupt society, which has nothing at all to do with how he managed to get all three judges to vote for him and does not suggest that any money has changed hands.

Second place goes to Darius_Conwright's "One Story Please," recognized for its innovative structure and fine writing.  Because the story was much appreciated, we shall refrain from using the term "first loser" and instead refer only to "second place."  You get the pleasure of standing just under Ogre on the platform, alas.

The pride of third place is confoundingly shared by WizzyCat for "God-Clock" and Mizal for "The King's Music Box" because of a tie, and so, in accordance with ancient tradition, the actual third place must be determined by a cage death match with chainsaws and leopards.

On behalf of my fellow judges Corgi and Gryphon, thank you to all who entered.  It was a pleasure to read and evaluate your stories. 


The Murdered Official by Ogre11 -- 36 points

One Story Please by Darius_Conwright -- 31 points

God-Clock by WizzyCat -- 28 points

The King's Music Box by Mizal -- 28 points

The Most Amazing Life and Adventures of Sir Arthur Quillwyrm by BenCrucifix -- 26 points

A Knight's Pursuit by EbonVasilis -- 20 points

Knights of the Phoenix by Axxius -- 16 points

The Withered Rose by poison_mara -- 15 points

The Marchwarden by DerPrussen -- 11 points

Bound by Light by MrAce321 -- 9 points

Cold Lies by carpenterhuman123 -- 7 points

Slay the Dragon by Fluxion -- 7 points