Cumulative Sentences, Part 2
by Gower
Cumulative Sentences 2 - Advanced
Assuming that you have a good handle on how the most basic cumulative sentences work, you are ready to move on to more advanced ones.
Luckily, these are not at all difficult to construct: it's really more a question of realizing that you are allowed to do this, and also that it *sounds good* to do this.
The main takeaway from the previous discussion is that you can, instead of ending a sentence, continue it, and in doing so, continue to add layers of interesting detail, panning the camera around your subject, offering your reader lots of juicy information. (Notice, actually, the cumulative structure of that last sentence of mine.)
**You Are Ready to Level Up: Left Branching**
Up to this point, we have been focused entirely on right-branching sentences. That is, sentences where the kernel is at the start, and then the cumulative clauses branch off to the right.
So you have an independent clause, dependent clause, dependent clause, dependent clause.
ic, dc, dc, dc
I labored over my newest story, working day and night to polish it, ironing out all of its flaws, reading it over night after night until I was exhausted.
If you understand why that sentence can be described as ic, dc, dc, dc, you are ready to level up. Otherwise, go back and review basic cumulatives.
What if we made a left-branching sentence? Would that sound good too?
dc, dc, dc, ic
Working day and night to polish it, ironing all of the flaws, reading it over night after night until I was exhausted, I labored over my newest story.
Yes, that sounds pretty good as well! And this gives us options.
Knowing that it would annoy him, hoping that he would post angrily to the forum, relishing the moment, I rated Will's latest story a "1."
**But Can You Middle Branch?**
Of course, you can. Go ahead and put that single independent clause *whereever you want*, even in the middle of the dependent clauses.
dc, dc, ic, dc
After being banned from the server a dozen times, the annoying twelve-year-old continued to attempt to make new accounts, filling the forum with pointless requests, requests that nobody bothered to respond to.
**Panning Around and Zooming In**
Now that you have the basic idea of how cumulative sentences hang today, you may have realized that you can use them for two quite distinct purposes, and that these give you incredible powerful writing tools once you understand them.
You can "pan"--that is, you can move the camera lens of your sentence all around your subject, examining it from all angles.
You can "zoom"--that is, examine one aspect of your subject in increasingly vivid detail.
Panning
The technical name of this is a "coordinating" cumulative sentence, but don't worry about that.
In this kind of cumulative sentence, you make sure that every single clause links back to the kernel, back to the independent clause.
Briar held the trophy,
her knuckles white as they gripped its handle,
pulling the golden cup away from Thara's grasp,
eyes narrowed in rage,
a smirk of satisfied conquest curling her lips.
So here, notice that every one of those dependent clauses link back to "Briar held the trophy." We are panning around, looking first at Briar, then her knuckles, then her pulling the trophy away, then her eyes, then her smirk.
And interestingly, notice that we could rearrange those details in any order, and it will still sound good.
Briar held the trophy,
eyes narrowed in rage
pulling the golden cup away from Thara's grasp,
a smirk of satisfied conquest curling her lips,
her knuckles white as they gripped its handle.
Briar held the trophy,
her knuckles white as they gripped its handle,
eyes narrowed in rage,
a smirk of satisfied conquest curling her lips,
pulling the golden cup away from Thara's grasp.
Et cetera. Think how many options you have there--it's your choice what order you want to hit those details in.
Zooming
(Technically this is called subordinating. Don't worry about it.)
Sherriff Mizal put her hand to her holster,
its leather soft and expensive looking,
fingertips just grazing her gun,
the pearl-white of its grip flecked with tiny droplets of blood,
blood that that was the unfortunate result of the last time someone had dared challenge her in public.
Notice how this *doesn't* work if we rearrange it!
Sheriff Mizal put her hand to her holster,
blood that that was the unfortunate result of the last time someone had dared challenge her in public,
the pearl-white of its grip flecked with tiny droplets of blood,
fingertips just grazing her gun,
its leather soft and expensive looking.
That sounds bad and makes no sense! But why? Because this sentence is about zooming. In the original sentence, I started with Sheriff Mizal, then zoomed in to get a closer look at her holster. So I can't separate the mention of the holster from the zoomed in look at its leather. They go together. Similarly, I can't separate the mention of the "droplets of blood" from the zooming in on that blood.
Sherriff Mizal put her hand to her holster,
---------->its leather soft and expensive-looking,
---------->fingertips just grazing her gun,
-------------------->the pearl-white of its grip flecked with tiny droplets of blood,
------------------------------>blood that that was the unfortunate result of the last time someone had dared challenge her in public.
Notice how the "pearl-white of its grip" HAS TO follow the mention of the gun, and the description of the blood HAS TO follow the mention of the blood, or it makes no sense. In other words, each cumulative clause refers to the one that comes right before it.
Once this clicks, you'll realize you have an incredibly powerful descriptive tool.
You Can Mix Them Up
----------------------------
Why not use both panning and zooming? I'll show you the different levels with arrows.
I attempted to bribe Ford with cash and expensive cars,
----------> gestures that I hoped would convince him to give me the secret files,
----------> not realizing that it was all an elaborate ruse,
--------------------> a trick that would lead to the apparent death of Agent Cricket,
------------------------------> one of our highest placed operatives in North Dakota,
----------> an attempt at bribery that was both clumsy and ineffective,
--------------------> a testament to my complete failure as a spy.
Now I'll just write one without showing the levels.
I leaned out the window uncertainly, hoping that she would turn around and look at me, look at me as if she cared, as if the last ten years weren't a lie, watching her feet pointed away from me, but her shadow long and leaning towards me, the whole scene reminding me of that horrible romantic movie the two of us had watched only a week before and laughed at together, her hair just touching my shoulder.
That's a really long sentence, and often long sentences stink. But sometimes, they are interesting and beautiful and detailed, with lovely rhythms and patterns. Consider them. And when you do, use the cumulative sentence.
