ISentinelPenguinI, The Grandmaster of the Written Word

Member Since

4/4/2013

Last Activity

3/3/2024 7:54 PM

EXP Points

8,943

Post Count

9989

Storygame Count

1

Duel Stats

175 wins / 174 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

147

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One day I had a test, and the teacher farted, and then this kid bent over to pick up his pencil, and everyone was scared because they thought they heard a gunshot and there was a school shooting, but actually it was a deafeningly loud flatulence emitted from the kid who picked up his pencil, with such tremendous force and pressure that his pants had ripped open and were smoking. And everyone was laughing, but the kid was pissed.

He got up on his chair and screamed something like, "OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY DO YOU!?"

He grabbed one of the girls, and there were many gasps, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU ASSHOLES FUNNY!"

He shoved the girl out of the way, and took a massive shit on her desk. The class laughed, and even applauded. For the first 2 minutes, at least, but the kid would not stop shitting. Eventually it overloaded the desk and started to drop onto the floor.  At 5 minutes, the giggles gave way to horrified screams. Worms and blood started to appear within the shit, and the oils of his eyes were diluting with lymph and starting to drip down his face.

10 minutes, and he was shitting this constant stream of worms like a faucet, they were pooling out underneath him and writhing over each other, burrowing into whatever they could find. The floor was too hard for them, but they found the girl's shoes. You could hear them chewing on everything they could find. They made little clicking noises wherever they bit on something, it was like dumping one bag of marbles into another... But then they found the girl's flesh underneath her shoes and socks, and boy howdy...

The worm hoard sort of swarmed her and started burrowing into whatever bits and bobs they could find. As they chewed, it sounded like those aforementioned marbles were being poured into a bowl of semi-hard jello. A thousand little splats in an orgy of blood and gluttony.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES!" Screamed the fart kid, "CAERBOG EXTRICATES!"

He just kept shitting worms and screaming about our glorious holy lord and savior Caerbog. Just sitting there. The worms turned to eyeballs all melted and grafted together, and the molten skin of his rectum slowly started dribbling down between his legs, but he just kept going. His real eyes were totally gone by this point, and actually his bare testicles were dangling out of one eyehole by their epidydimus, but what was even funnier was that a little horse fetus (Couldn't be more than two months) was desperately trying to escape from his head, but he was too big to fit through the eyeholes, so he just kept squealing and stamping impotently at the walls of his flesh prison.

Eventually, the eyes and the worms and the shit were creating this massive pool of shit that was ankle-deep over the floor of the room, and the girl being eaten by the worms was now a skeleton full of boreholes and tiny bitemarks. The class started really laughing their asses off as her jaw fell off, and one kid even fell out of his chair laughing and was devoured by worms, eyes-first.

The kid just kept on shitting. His legs had been worn down by worms into just nubs of flesh, so no one was surpised when the entire lower part of his torso burst open and started spraying eyeballs and bloody shit everywhere.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES! CAERBOG EXTRICATES! CAERBOG EXTRICAAAATES!" he screamed. More kids laughed themselves into the waist-deep pile of worms.

The teacher just stood on his desk with a look of utter disappointment on his face.

"Caerbog does not exist, you zealous religious faggot." Said the teacher, driving a knife into his belly as the holy purgative fires of Caerbog began biting into the flesh of his taint.

Long story short, the kid got a detention, and our sides fucking exploded that day. Even the fucked up skeleton whose desk he shat on was laughing. You can still hear her laughing if you put your ear to her grave. It's just underneath the floorboards of the basketball court.

It was so hilarious though. You had to be there for the full effect. He was just squatting over her desk with the same strained look on his face the whole time. I mean, while he could still squat and move his face, I guess.

 


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If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Earning 2,000 Points Earning 5,000 Points Your presence alone contributes to the community. You've brightened many a days with your wit and humor, and knowledge of the inane. That last part is meant to be complimentary. Here you go, Sent Posting 9989 Forum Posts Rated 66.3% of all Stories Given by BerkaZerka on 03/27/2020 - OG Given by madglee on 02/15/2022 - For recognizing ancient lore Given by MadHattersDaughter on 12/30/2023 - To my best frenemy! (Also if you have MHD's trophy you LOVE Strawberry Pudding!)

Storygames

Randomly Walk II, The epic sequel.

this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk


A Quiz I made for the Blatant Hell of it All. *CLOSED FOR REPAIRS*
unpublished

I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he recommended. This was low-effort as all hell, don't ever use the classic editor for anything you care about.

AQIMFTBHOIA DLC: THE UPDATE DESCRIPTION

Since some of my questions contained outdated information and I needed to make sure everything was in working order, I unpublished this thing. Since I understand this to be something that generally fucks with ratings, I'm gonna add 5 more questions so you have more of a reason to rate it again. Also, every question now has a stupid answer. These are the ones that are so blatantly wrong/non-answers that they give you negative points... Some are better hidden than others. Aside from most of the endings being revamped, there are two new endings! One is for people who're spectacularly awful at quizzes, and the other is an ending for people who go off the beaten path... By being really  bad at quizzes.

No, I will not add a thing at the end that shows your score. If you want to know your score, you have to dick-measure in the comments yourself. Drill Sergeant Nasty has always been an accurate barometer for how well you did, in my eyes.


WHUPASS ON THE TITANIC
unpublished

In a strange world where World War I hasn't even happened yet, Law and order is the only accepted form of justice. Until NOW.

Enter Mild-Mannered Clifford T. Boot, 2nd class passenger on the world-famous vessel, the Titanic. Haunted by the shadows of his war-torn past, Clifford bought a ticket to the United States of America looking for a new life. But trouble always finds Clifford, and when an innocent widow and her child are kidnapped by a cult dedicated to resurrecting Napoleon, he has no choice but to return to his old ways and save them... Because for some motherfuckers, mass tragedy doesn't come soon enough.


Articles Written

A Tutorial for Teachers
Exasperated but optimistic advice for those who would like to assign storygames as school projects or for any other school purposes.

Recent Posts

IFDB Outpost on 2/29/2024 2:56:42 PM

I am still unbanned on that site, I will not reveal myself out of spite. All I did was review shit that I cared to read, just like End but without 1/10th of the dedication. I left when he was banned. Hanon was so scared that his years of careful spergwork to live at the tippy top of the site's shitty leaderboard were about to be outdone by a dude with regular-person levels of charisma who had actually contributed something of substance to the hobby, so he saw his opportunity to jump on the bandwagon as soon as one of us rubbed one of their goons the wrong way and ran one long and slanderous smear campaign that was just successful enough to get us all banned as an unspoken blanket policy.

It's one thing to add thousands of imaginary rapes to Eternal because your Mormonous Eunuch Brain physically rejects any scene with sexual themes as vague as flirtation and you just scroll past every dialogue assuming that the worst is happening in every case, it's another thing to slanderously announce to the world that we used to have an entire school shooting genre based on a willful misinterpretation of a thread you did not even read, but of all these things, of ALL the slander Hanon has levelled against us, the casual comparison to fanfiction.net is the most vile one that I'll not stand for.


NFTs and AI Art on 2/3/2024 7:09:52 PM

Depending on the conference, the real eye strain was probably because they bought the same kind of UV Lamps used to mass-disinfect surfaces during COVID rather than actual normal blacklights meant to be absorbed by human eyeballs during a rave or something- No performance art here, just banal finance-bro cost-cutting.


Endmaster's prompt contest writing thread. on 2/3/2024 6:58:38 PM

I love the little scottie dog critter


Secret Hitler - Game thread on 1/21/2024 10:02:09 AM

The Burgrave enters the reichstag the next morning, completely fuming, "Traitors and pranksters, the lot of you! How much time have you all spent drafting legislation, and yet all you bastards could think to give me were fascist!? My heart weeps for Germany and the future of its veterans!"


Secret Hitler - election cycle 11 on 1/19/2024 7:21:41 PM

Now, I know this looks like an increasingly insular circle of people in power, but I'm pretty sure that Frau Else isn't Hitler, and as somebody who knows themselves that they are neither Hitler nor Fascist, it seems to me that her endorsement of this German Triumverate is wholly liberal in its goals! For this reason, I select Elsa for my Chancellor.


Secret Hitler - election cycle 8 on 1/16/2024 2:05:33 AM

I will vote for myself! I trust no one else with the position. Not at this stage in the game!


❅ Secret Santa ❅ on 1/15/2024 1:39:00 AM

Thank you for the picture, Suranna!

But unfortunately when I find out who left the first review, you know what I'm gonna have to do to both of you.


Gay Nazi Slapfight (Now with Femboys!) on 1/14/2024 9:57:49 PM

The based Serbian sees a picture of himself serenading an anime catboy pillow, and his singular complaint is that the artist whitewashed him.


Gay Nazi Slapfight (Now with Femboys!) on 1/14/2024 9:26:44 PM

I don't know if you know what a tranny is if you think Lux is one. But you always did have a habit of being pretty funny when it comes to reading comprehension and interpretation of statements.


Gay Nazi Slapfight (Now with Femboys!) on 1/14/2024 3:30:58 PM

Many of the card-carrying Nazis were fat old men, scammers and lawyers in their old civilian lives, who were probably degenerate as well by their own standards. It isn't about the ideology, that's just the cope. The religious conviction of the Nazis doesn't actually make sense, but the mechanics of it do- Things really snap into place if you think about these kinds of organization more like a pyramid scheme for pure political power rather than whatever they tell you it's for. The things they say to pretend to be logically consistent are more just justification to normies and themselves. That's why you can have so many officers after the war coming out writing biographies like "I didn't even think it was the Jews! That was just crazy Hitler stuff" and saying they just liked Germany or they just wanted to participate in the military or whatever. In their minds, maybe that was even true, but that's the grift. The buck never stops with just being the right "kind" of guy. The top of the pyramid becomes infinitely narrow and the bottom becomes infinitely wide as they all inevitably turn the gun on each other squabbling for prestige positions relative to each other. Whoever can pretend to be the platonic ideal of the chivalrous war aristocrat the best, for the longest, wins. The dick-waving is more important than actual effectiveness in the war, just ask Kurt Knipsel and all the other literally normal dudes outperforming the SS.