Player Comments on A Fiery Winter

I think I got...three out of four of the 'true' endings? I assume there were four in total, as I found epilogue #4, then 3, then 2...I didn't manage to find 1, though I did find multiple death endings while going through this storygame.

I found the very first page to be really intriguing, but to be honest...and kind of sadly...I didn't really feel much of a connection to the main character or the plot once the storygame started properly. I think that the first page could have ended with a choice - whether to go and get drunk or not - rather than assuming the player character would just go ahead and do so.

The description of Catia in her first appearance was really well-written, but I didn't get the impression that she saved the player character; at least not deliberately. It seemed like his survival was merely a byproduct of her appearance, and I was a little confused as to why Catia seemed so interested in the player character at all, even considering she was a succubus and a demon...but then again, even following the path of sleeping with her, she didn't seem to exhibit the normal signs of being a succubus like I'm used to, such as sapping energy. Or, if she did, it was only summarised briefly before the rest of the story moved on.

Summarising of important events was, unfortunately, a fairly common theme in this storygame. Things that could have made for interesting character development, such as the player character's parents not coming home, were glossed over, while others (such as the conversation about what kind of child he'd prefer to have) were dragged out in such a way that felt unnecessary and almost painful at times. I also questioned the abrupt appearance of Julia, who only appeared once she was relevant to the plot, and just felt like a device rather than a character in her own right. I would have liked it if her appearance had been foreshadowed before she actually turned up.

Another thing that did throw me was the language used, as a lot of it felt far too modern for the setting of this storygame. I would suggest looking at the kind of language used in medieval times, as most fantasy based worlds have fairly similar settings, and certain words that are used, I don't believe came into existence until after a certain time...though don't quote me on that, because I'm not a linguist.

Anyway, that being said, I felt there was a lot of potential in this storygame. I just really wish it would have been expanded upon, rather than reading as more of a summary than an actual story. Foreshadowing is a really good and useful tool and I think this storygame would have benefitted more from that.

“A Fiery Winter” is a pretty good story, and it is not hard to see how this random noob dropped in and got second place in a rather successful contest. Congratulations for that, Lopz.

The first few pages didn’t really grab my attention all that much. The guy was standing guard when, all of a sudden, BOOM, succubus. A little more build up to her appearance or a while longer before it was revealed that the she was a succubus would maybe have helped things a bit. I suppose there is a benefit to starting the action right away though.
Additionally, it may have been a good idea to differentiate thoughts from narration in some way. This was something that annoyed me a bit in the beginning, because not having the thoughts italicized or in quotes or something made everything feel as if it ran into itself without stop.

However, as the story progressed, I began to get more interested in it. I didn’t find the possession path as interesting as the others, but those others I enjoyed very much. There was a lot of variety in the endings, and while there was a little rejoining of branches in one path, the majority of the story was in the Cave of Time style—my favorite. Most of the endings don’t leave the character off in too great of a situation, including some of the epilogues. I certainly had no objection to this.
There Witch Doctor path was pretty funny, especially when he ran into the demon who yelled, “I CRAVE DESTRUCTON!” just like that. Something about that line in particular amused me very much.
Another funny part is the Give In ending in which you engage in some WINCEST with your mother, except your mom has a penis…and she isn’t even your mom. It makes me wonder if the succubus had a penis in other paths too, or if she had just done that for extra shits and giggles.
My favorite ending by far though was the Doom Knight end. It was just really awesome and cool, and I like cool stuff.

There were some typos and instances of wrong words et cetera, but only rarely were they distracting from the story.

Overall, this is a story that may be worth devoting your time to if you are one of those faggots who read reviews before he reads stories.
I hope to see more from the author.

OK, so this is actually a halfway decent story--certainly not bad for a first storygame. There appears to be an adequate amount of branching, meaning that the author took the time to develop not only the "preferred" branch(es), but a few others as well.

I did not read through all of the endings, as I am trying to find time to read/review all of the succubus contest entries. But after initially resisting Catia, I did read all of the endingings involving Julia, the witch doctor, and "mother."

Generally, the writing was well above average for a first-time story on this site. Rather than loads of exposition, the scenarios were explained through dialog, which I liked. I did notice plenty of spelling/grammar/punctuation issues, but I'll chalk this up to the abbreviated timeline of a contest entry that needed to be completed by a set time. Certainly, there was nothing that got in my way of understanding the story.

Here are my thoughts on the substance of the branches that I read:

Would you recognize a succubus on sight? In this story, Catia is identified for exactly what she is as soon as she is introduced. This eliminates the possibility for mystery and suspense, for as Paul Atreides once said, recognizing the trap is the first step in evading it. I would think that in a good succubus story, the word "succubus" needn't ever be used. The succubus's succubusness is evident in what she says and does; she doesn't need to walk in the room wearing a T-shirt that says "I AM A SUCCUBUS."

And isn't the art of seduction making the victim **feel** like he's in control? He thinks he can walk away at any point, but he just doesn't want to

Ashton looks and sounds like suburban America in a fantasy/semi-historical setting. For example, couples are going out for coffee, conducting post-mortem discussions on failed relationships, choosing between pursuing a relationship with a rape victim or giving her time to heal. This is all very 2019, and I can assure you (having lived in a few other decades and even a completely different century) it hasn't always been like this. "A Fiery Winter" had a few emo moments that seemed contrived, and not the way real human beings would behave.

These criticisms and comments aside, I am impressed that the author displayed the patience and commitment to see the story through to completion. I am looking forward to lopz66 trying to continually improve by crafting more stories in the future.

ending was a bit abrupt

Vastly enjoyed the four epilogues and the paths leading to them; there’s something for everyone. Could benefit from some correction of grammatical errors and the like, but they serve as a minor distraction.

SPOILERS!
I was hoping that more might have been done with Greg after the first encounter ending positively for him.

Oooh yeah! This was great!

The feeling of being called 'too pure' by a demon thing has made my day!

This story game is not as long as I thought I have read all the ways i could and it didn't take long. You should try to make it longer if you could please.

Not a bad story, though it wasn't my cup of tea. I enjoyed how the action started immediately. The grammar and punctuation were good. It didn't hold my interest very well, but that might just be a matter of personal preference. Overall, good job!

got ending #3

It was indeed a fun story to play through.
I found the story itself not that much of interest but i liked that it was well written and had a good consistency.

I spend around 20 minutes going there every route and really enjoyed this. Some of them was a bit lacking to be honest but the amount of choices here were really great. Keep up the good work!

I really enjoyed this story, and found myself going through every ending to see the breadth of options for your character.

The writing style was pretty great, with the only exception for me personally being the scene in the bar, in which the dialogue felt a little unnatural. I did like that they included you into the conversation at one point, although your answer to that seemingly innocuous question seems to be a major crossroads in the story.

One aspect I particularly enjoyed was the inclusion of the demons being banished to Earth for some type of incompetency, and the succubus being no exception. It lends some credibility to you being able to resist Catia in the first place, plus her easily frustrated and petty character lends well to highlight the flaws that might've gotten her banished to begin with.

My favorite ending was definitely the Doom Knight ending, because of course it is. But all of them were pretty satisfying.

This is a solid Succubus story. There are epilogues that leave you in good places and bad ones, with plenty of terrible ways to die along the way. Grammatically it's pretty well put together. Give it a read. It's obviously got some influence from some of Endmasters stories so be warned.

I was actually pleasantly surprised with this story. I had a good time reading it. The spelling and grammar were all very good (I think I only noticed one spelling mistake during my playthrough) and I was quite happy to see that the story still goes on even if you don't sleep with Catia. Actually, the ending I got, The Kingsbury Kiss, was really sweet. And judging by it being epilogue #4, there is clearly some replayability with this story. Good work, especially for your first story on the site. I look forward to seeing more from you.