Player Comments on Betarune

I like the intro, “stoop down to the pit of frustration” sounds like something that would be fun to do. It’s good to know I have a pocket knife as a back-up in case my rifle doesn’t work, I can imagine that would come in really handy when bad guys are shooting at me with automatic weapons. I love the whole “We’re here to investigate a drugs cartel”, “there are no drug cartels here” exchange (are you sure? Have you checked all the rooms and cupboards?). What nutter is going to attack me with a brick when I have a rifle? Who is armed with rocks in a house? Is there a quarry in the basement? The fight on the first page could do with being rewritten to make sense.

Screw the doctor who told me my death is imminent, that’s hardly going to motivate me to pull through is it? Note, I swear Yuri is a girl’s name? What is drip, is this young people slang? When I hang out with a girlfriend let me tell you Will11 does not spend his time sitting on a sofa reading a book! Why does the FBI come to my girlfriend’s house and not mine? I’m glad the agent reminded me that I’m my father’s son, there’s another identity crisis averted. Is learning to stunt drive an important part of FBI training?

I love how I fail all the tests and then they’re like “we’re going to put you in a mission anyway and see if you die or not”. Why on earth has someone been spying on me and how does the FBI know that but not know who it is? The Miller Gang has been around for 150 years? They must have some really old members, maybe the FBI should do something about them at some point. “You damn Putinist” is a great insult and one I definitely wouldn’t risk saying to a Russian in real-life.

I’m not going to turn down the chance to gun down a random bar-load of people but the descriptions of the gunfights are weak. “All six who engaged against you in the gunfight are now lying dead on the floor” could be so much better written. Who takes a rocket launcher with them when they go to a bar for a drink? I love how the logical solution to take him down is to run up and stab him rather than shoot him from afar. That makes all the sense in the world.

I quite liked this story, even though it was pretty unrealistic. The layout, characters, story etc are ok and there weren’t too many SPAG errors. It’s just very unrealistic though, clearly a young person’s idea of what the FBI are, what they do and apparently heavily influenced by cartoons or b-movies. I’d prefer it more authentic, more moving, more immersive. It was a bit linear in places as well but for a first effort it wasn’t too bad. I’d give this a 4/8.

This story seemed very rushed. Events are stated in a quickfire, bare-bones fashion. It reads more like a statement of facts and plot points rather than a story, and I feel as if you had written it as a list of bullet points it wouldn't have changed the story at all. Sequences of events in the story are often illogical, especially the opening gunfight.

The way it's described, it sounds like an unrelated gunshot went off somewhere in the building and the gangsters took that as a signal to attack the FBI agents. Why are there only 3 of them there, anyway? You'd think the FBI would know better than to send only 3 people to carry out a drug related search warrant. Also, they're carrying pocket knives with their rifles? Not a sidearm? Hell, even a flashlight would make more sense.

Anyway going back to the gunfight. Jones 'pulls out his rifle'? Wasn't it already in his hands? It doesn't make sense for Jones to be knocked down and stabbed, rather than shot by the gun-wielding people surrounding him. Shooting him would be much faster than hitting him in the head with a rock, pulling off his vest and then stabbing him in the chest (all whilst avoiding the head or neck or any other exposed part of his body for some reason).

What are his colleagues doing as this is happening? After Agent Tim shouts into his radio, neither of them are mentioned until after Jones dies. I don't get a sense of what kind of character either is at any point in the story. Agent Tim is supposed to be the sort of fatherly mentor figure to the player I suppose?

Another issue is the various grammar errors dotted throughout. For example, on the page 'Yuri's House', the first line reads 'You can't help but have butterflies in his stomach while he drives to Yuri's house.'. It should be 'You can't help but have butterflies in your stomach while you drive to Yuri's house.' Spanish should have a capital S.

So there are definitely some issues here, but honestly I adore this. Probably not entirely for the reasons the author intended to be fair, but it has that real Mercer Gang energy in a much longer and more substantial story. All the sincerity of the author is there (and very appreciated since it wouldn't work otherwise) but because of youth or what have you there is some strange logic to the way this universe works that for whatever reason just tickles me in exactly the right way.

I should try to give this a proper review soon since some real work was put into it. I'll have to delve into it further as well to see if anything major changed since it was last published a couple of months ago.

An interesting work, if only for how clunky of a story it is. While there are stretches of linearity, the choices you are offered are meaningful and the surprise ending was a nice touch. While it is not completely free of SPAG issues, compared to the Alpharune it is much improved.

On the downside, this story is unrealistic and clunky. I have not played through all of the routes, but I can only assume that they are similar to the one I did complete. There are many signs that the author did not do enough research on FBI (and other agency) procedure and terminology ('search permit', how they enter the supposed cartel den, who reports to whom, etc.) to sell the idea that these agents are really FBI. The combat scenes are also unrealistic and many characters have obvious plot armor to allow things to move forward.

There are several lines in here that are hilarious in their presentation or incongruity. Some of the ones that really made me laugh:

"You're not supposed to be in here!" "this... is sus"

"I promised that I would train his son. And that's you, Daniel."

"I wonder how my wife and son are." "Your son Daniel?" "Yes"

A framed picture of you and your father is framed on the wall.

A couple reading War and Peace together as a romantic date night.

and my personal favorite (slight spoiler): "Wow. I never expect the two of you to take down my firing squad so easily. But if you think you can outpower me, the President of Russia, I still have the juice."

The author does the admirable job of missing irritatingly bad and hitting funny bad. Do not read this expecting great literature or deep character development. Do read this for pure goofy enjoyment.