Player Comments on Dragon Tale

Out of curiosity due to the rantings of one of my fellow CYStians about the fantasy section being full of terrible Dragon stories I obviously had to check it out. Oh man, did it not disappoint.

The grammar in this story is butchered so bad it's enough to make a middle school English teacher cry. Let me just paste this example from the story:
'You have ice powers!? How...? Noticing these powers you feel calm and breath... Then you release all of you rage. Ice spikes come out of your hand and are released to the dragon sending him back to the wall... Blood everywhere in the wall. Dragon is dead... "How... Just how can I do this..."'

Wow, storytelling at its finest. The description and grammar here are so screwed up I laughed for a good two minutes. Don't know why the author made me choose a gender since the story was so short it made no difference. Also, some weird highlights of the text came up when I chose the girl option for some reason.

So the story pretty much ends the same no matter what path you go. You fight a dragon, get ice powers, and the story ends. Unless for some reason you're so incompetent that you can't catch a deer then your family starves to death.

This is not a good story. The grammar needs major fixing and the plot needs something better than, I kill the dragon with deus ex machina ice powers, and the stereotypical dragons and humans lived together in harmony until they didn't.

As always with comments there are spoilers in here. Consider yourself warned.

This is one of the few times, I read a story here, where even I could find grammar issues. Which is surprising since I am not that great at it myself. On some pages you just used words that did not seem fitting at all. That really disrupted the flow of this story.

The pages themselves were very short. The text was mainly in one big wall of words with to few paragraphs to give it structure. Especially when changing scenes from outside of the village to inside your neighbors house, or when the dialogues, which were quite few to begin with, switched from one person to the next.

This actually leads to my next statement. The amount of interaction between characters was very poor. You never got the feeling of you talking to another person in this. It almost made me feel like I am not really important to the story until I discovered I had those magic powers.
The characters themselves were very flat and shallow. None of them showed much of a personality. In fact we don't even know how most of them look like.

The backstory for the game seemed very interesting. The concept of the tyranny the dragons rule with and the men rebelling against it with magic seems to be highly inspired by Skyrim. Like that game showed us there is a lot of potential in that. The fact you just showed us the beginning is really sad. Also it did not seem like the return of the dragons was happens on a major scale.

The ending of the whole story felt very rushed. No matter how you did approach the fight with the dragon it always lead to your powers showing. You could have at least used different elements in the power display instead of just ice.

There also was only one ending that would lead to a new chapter. Just starving to death alongside your family does not seem to be a real alternate ending to the story. Same goes for the few times you can actually die to the dragon.

2/8 from me for the poor grammar, the unfinished narrative of the plot and the fact that you did not bother to make the story detailed enough to be captivating.

This story has a massive amount of potential. It was really well-written save for a few subtle technical errors, and I was really into the story since the very first page.

The part where it asks for a character gender could've been more subtle and realistic—who forgets there gender like that?

I was disappointed when the storygame ended with the dragon charging at me, and either selection (of dodging or holding on) ended the storygame so early.

The story could've been a lot longer for its backstory, and otherwise, nicely done.

Actually too funny.

i need more.

CONTINUE ON NO FUN

This was a good game for someone who was bored, definitely interesting. I didn't play it all because I got killed by the dragon who stole my deer close to the beggining. I had hoped that I would BE the dragon, but it was a good game all the same. Judging from what i played.

love it

make a longer story it was great

sorry i just thought it was a bit plain
i understand its hard to write stories like these tho so, respect
maybe im just a horrible player XD and i died early

Well it was good it just kind of was meh, it didn't flow well near the end.

This is a good story. It could be improved by correcting the spelling and grammar errors but overall, it's good.

This was a great story. It was a bit shorter than I would have liked, but overall the story was good!

Rated it as a 4 only because the main character deserves the bad ass of the year award...smacking a dragon in the face with a shovel.

I would love to see you keep going with the story so please do so but if you don't want to that's fine but please continue the story it's really good

This way way to short

This is a good story! A few grammar mistakes here and there, but otherwise fine!

Cool BUT I WANT MOAR!!!!!!!!! AKA PART 2

Honestly, it felt like a demo.

needs to be longer

A decent start, but doesn't really go anywhere. This needs to be developed into a full story instead of a woefully short introduction that you have at present. Also the story needs proof reading as there are loads of errors which makes it difficult to read. The foundations are there, but now needs to be constructed.

Not the best one but very interesting. I like fantasy ones and the back story on this was cool. I like that idea. Good job!

It's great and fun, and I like how you choose your gender but far to short.

wish it was longer but gets me excited

not bad but I wish you had done the whole story in one game.

I can't wait for the next one

HORRID

It's ok, but it needs more of a story...
Not a good ending at all...

This could have been a great start to a long and interesting adventure but sadly it was little more than an introduction, there were also a few spelling and grammar errors to clean up.

Overall proof-read and finish the story then it should be great

I love it!!! But you need to finish it I got so into it but then I saw TO BE CONTINUED! and I was like "WHAT! It can't end like this!"
To get to the point, you need to complete the story.

It's totally incomplete. You barely get into the story, and it suddenly ends with "to be continued." (And since it was written in 2013, it probably won't be.)
Even if it's your first story, you need to give it a proper ending.
Also, terrible spelling. The editor has a spell-check, I believe.

Interesting concept and compelling story. Unfortunately, your poor use of grammar makes the story practically unreadable. Also, it lacks good flow, and I agree with Swiftstryker that there should be a more compelling reason for humanity to want to fight the dragons. I mean, yes, we do 98% of what we do out of greed, but in a story, that's just boring...unless the point of the story is that humans are jerks (Avatar, Aliens, etc.). I could understand humanity revolting if the dragons were requiring them to sacrifice the firstborn child of every family...or something. I give it a 5/8.

Needs To be longer.

Hm, if you were going to say harmonious as a relationship between the two races, I would have liked to see a stronger reason to create a schism between the dragons and the humans besides the humans' wanting to take over the world.

Good for a first story. It was interesting, I would have liked it to be longer, but only because it was interesting. Good job though! I'll be back to see what happens in the second part, you've got me curious now!

Very short and pretty linear. The descriptions are ok, but they could be substantially improved. Most pages only have a line or two. The longer descriptions need more paragraph breaks; they're hard to read because they're a block of text. Not bad for a first effort, but the story needs to be expanded.

Interesting, but short. Keep at it.

I will facking keel you and feed you to my family instead of the squirrel :3

It's ok, I mean, I had my hopes up and all... But it's just a demo....
You could go places with this you know! It's good, but some of the words is a little too immature for the subject