Player Comments on Fear the Psyker

Let’s see if this actually works or if WIBN is Gandalf IRL: I’m going to get this comment featured. :)

Disclaimer: I feel inclined to mention that I have no idea what Warhammer is. Anything in here that could be a reference, went way over my head. If I critique something that was part of the Warhammer universe and not original content, you can disregard. That being said, a good fanfic should be able to stand on its own without relying too heavily on the reader’s lore knowledge (I realize the majority of fanfic readers usually will have plenty of knowledge). Alright here we go...

The first two things introduced are extremely interesting in my opinion. One being the main character, and the other is the world/your tribe. Ok, three things. Unlike the typical hero, the MC is frail, weak, and relies on his mental power rather than physical. Forget the Brad Pitt or Conan the Barbarian type MC, this one doesn’t have 22 inch biceps and abs of steel. And that’s not just due to the fact that he’s 12 in the beginning. It’s a cool dynamic to have the most important member of a tribe of hunters be the smart one, even though I identify more with the brainless brawn characters. In an early tribe setting, the leader is usually the baddest motherfucker in the room. Khal Drogo anyone? Very intriguing. The world introduced made me imagine an Amazonian setting. There were many primitive type themes: tribes, bows, jungle beasts, and the tribe members are idiots! Who needs armor? Real warriors fight with their ding-dongs exposed. Fight me if you disagree with that statement. You know what I’ll be wearing.

I’m guessing these are probably Warhammer creatures, but I found it refreshing to read sci-fi/fantasy without relying on the typical dwarves, elves, humans, and so on. Learning about the creatures (Puk, Gretchen, Greenskins) was like discovering a whole new world.

One thing I enjoy about Steve as an author is that there always seem to be decision-making during conflict occurrences. Plus, he’s really good at creating young characters without making them too grown-up or too much of a little shit. This is the third story of his that I’ve read and I’ve noticed the decision element in all stories so far. You think it should be a normal thing for a “choose” your own adventure, but it hasn’t been a common thing in a lot of the CYS games I’ve played. It definitely makes the game aspect of a “storygame” more enjoyable. Although he is by far my favorite author on this site, it would be a shame if every published game was “more story than game”. You know who I’m talking about. If you don’t, get the fuck outta here.

The first two characters you meet, besides the MC, are Duggin and Fay. I like Duggin’s lighthearted demeanor and ‘expertise’ when it comes to the MC’s condition. Duggin is somewhat of the typical dumb best friend, but you can’t help but feel for the guy. Fay is more mysterious. I am a bit confused why she is kept alive. If I’m not mistaken, wasn’t she was part of the enemy in the first combat scene? Little strange she would be allowed to watch over you sleep still armed with her sword. Then again if she’s willing to shit in the corner of the room just to watch you sleep, how dangerous can she really be? Can’t argue with that logic.

As with all of Steve’s writing, everything is well-written. The dialogue/banter is fun, engaging, and portrays the different character personalities in an accurate way. The way that Fay and the MC develop from kids to growing up is masterfully done. Instead of starting with fully formed characters, the reader gets to see (and experience!) character development. It pulls you into the story because there is sort of an investment you make into following the characters change and grow. I rated this one really high and even if you aren’t a Warhammer dweeb, I would recommend you play this storygame.

I'm going to get this comment featured. :)

Well, where to start... It's a good story like you always manage. I especially liked the humor and the daemon Mel... mel... oh Hell, I'll just call him M. He did remind me of Dendrin from Eternal, but I love both of those characters. I do wonder why M focused so much on our protagonist (though a bit was cleared up in a certain ending). I hope to see you developed their relationship if you ever make a sequel because I'd love to see more of our friendly daemon.

Fay is a bit of an interesting character. At first, I believed that you would take that character in plainly romantic directions due to... her original state of dress. Nonetheless, their relationship is mostly just two warriors and friends which I found refreshing (though there are ways to make their relationship a "relationship"). Her character development was lacking, for she was simply our protagonists' loyal, tough friend. The most interesting aspect of her that I found was *semi-spoilers* when she asked to be a couple. Regardless of the answer being yes or no, she would state that she agreed and wanted that answer *End Spoilers*. I believe that all she wanted was to make Karth happy which is a very nice thing to do in a very dark galaxy.

Speaking about the galaxy, I like the way you created this grimdark world. Everything's basically either corrupt, trying to kill, or doing both. The leaders of the various factions were all quite memorable which is a strong feat since there were so many of them. I was never lost or confused about the world, though I certainly have not much of a clue with what is beyond the very little of the universe that Karth has already seen.

The one major problem I have is the linear nature of the game. Much like Necromancers' non-demon path, the two options are either die and end the game or live and continue on with the storyline. Perhaps I missed something, but the only major variation that I found, from making opposite and surviving choices in two different play-throughs, was through on-page scripting. Nonetheless, your rather amazing writing abilities and the 8/8 length more than make up for this sole fault I can find with Fear the Psyker.

Finally, this is a fanficion... Damn, that's impressive. If it wasn't for the fact that you said that this is fanfiction (and my previous knowledge on Warhammer), I'd have no idea that this is FF. At least at the time of this posting, CYS needs some really good games to enter this category, and I am very thankful that you have. Hopefully, this shows that it is possible to actually write good ff in a choose your own story format. I give this an 8/8 especially since this is historically a less than stellar category.

Oh, also... Waaagh!

Kyros

I enjoyed it. A psyker MC was an interesting perspective and there were some different directions the story can branch. The characters were fun and entertainingly strange(as expected of Chaos). Would recommend giving it a try.

Fun!!!

Some spelling errors but other then that very good!!

This was a good bit of story, the grammar and spelling was alright, but not perfect. From someone who barely knows anything about Warhammer, this was a good piece nonetheless.

I liked it. Well written and thought out.

Some obvious spelling errors, but an definitely worthwhile.

10/10 Amazing storyline.

Absolutely fantastic. The first one I've ever rated 8/8. It is BEGGING for a sequel as well as accompanying artwork.
One problem, though. There are A LOT of misspelled words. The author needs to go back through and proofread. And don't trust spell check, because most of the misspelled words are things like "he" when you mean "the" and "know" when you mean "now." And it also can't seem to make up its mind on whether the protagonist is named "Karth" or "Karst." Great story, though.

This game was fun as hell, I wish I could find more stuff like it

It's amazing, both as an 40k fanfic and a story in general. Good use of the choices, good writing, good characters... Just amazing.

Considering the long length, that was a very well-written story. The grammar and sentence structure was excellent, and the pacing of the overall plot was appropriate. Perhaps most importantly, I was offered a wide diversity of choices, moral and otherwise, that allowed me to sculpt a final conclusion that felt very satisfying. I do feel like the set-up of the story geared the reader towards the ending I achieved, but the presence of other pathways was nice.

The world-building in this is well-done. The setting was very immersive, and by the end of the tale, I felt emotionally invested in many of the characters. I also liked how some of your important choices would be remembered even several pages into the gamebook, later, despite the merging of certain scenes from different choices.

SPOILER: I would have liked to see some more character development of the demon in your head. Perhaps he becomes more prominent in another route that I haven't been through yet? I'll have to comment on this once I've seen more of the pathways.

Overall rating: 7/8.

A well structured, decently writen story. Some parts may be a tad bit 'bombastic', with decisions and situations being unaligned with reality, only a bit though. My biggest gripe would be the ending sequence, with continuity and spelling errors being prominent, and the final battle and closing dialogue being underdevoloped. Regardless, the story transfixes the reader all the same. I particulary appreciate the references throughout, and applaud the authors understanding of the universe.

Would recommend, and will play\read again.

one of the best stories i've ever read that i don't even care about some spelling mistakes anymore haha!! :)

This is a 40K fan made story. You get to be enslaved by the bad guys and potentially lead a rebellion against them. Team up with a series of heretics should by and large be trying to kill each other and potentially you. Sometimes they'll do just that. You can also come across some other non-humans that Empire has largely forgotten about. Meet some Demon worshiping scum, who are OK people. Kill untold numbers with the power of your mind.

It's a fun story that breaks from the lore of the 40K universe. Give it a try.

WOAH IT'S KINDA GOOD SO WANNA TRY THIS TO SEE WHO HE'LL END UP WITH

It’s good

Pretty good story lots of charactor info

Amazing! 8/8

plz make a sequal

I don't really like fan fiction or even sifi but.... I do now thanks for a good story happy. trails and to all a good night............ I read this at like 7 pm so this fits for me ;)

Good

good

This is by far the best one I have had the pleasure of reading. I doubt I will find another one like it.

Very nicely done. I thoroughly enjoyed it despite the occasional spelling and grammatical errors.

Really fun to play through.

Well done' sleep well lost over this captivating story! I look forward to a continuation!

A lot of typos but I know this is an older story. Nice storyline, I will have to play again!

Very good, some spelling errors and alot of mixing he and she but I'm guessing thats just due to the ambiguous gender of a lot of the characters. It was very interesting to play, the vivid descriptions of hellish beings was a bit scary, and it takes a lot to creep me out or impress me, you have done both.

Great story.

plz make sequel

It has a great plot and doesn't feel restricted at all. However the writing could have been done better and more often than not I could catch a word or two that was perhaps confused for instance, you said "fill" instead of "feel".

I still love this story though it's lengthy and I mean that in a good way. BUT you need more Elio moments I really loved his character and not just for the humor. (Don't take the last sentence seriously loved my ending "A new dawn")

This one took a while but the end I got was worth it

Simply put... Fucking amazeballs! It motivated me to buy my own space wolves army starter pack so that I can conquer the galaxy in the Emperor's name. For the Emperor!

Well this was nice, I very much enjoyed the story but as with your other works allot of typos. In addition, the game really had one ending; the other options kill you or is a short rushed path. In any case, I do hope to see a sequel.

Loved the story though it needs work with typos. Definitely give this a go if you are a 40k fan!

I wish there were more to this I thoroughly enjoyed this story.

impressive

This was an awesome game just like the path of death.

Good shiet. Write one on being a Commissar!

Now I don't pretend to be great at grammar or any of that, but this story was clearly lacking in that department. It's one thing if it doesn't mess with the story, but some of the mistakes were so bad that I couldn't tell who the author was talking about, who was speaking, or even at times what words belonged in the sentence because the typos were so bad. Still the content of the story was very good and I hope you write again.

it was good, i play 40k and i enjoy it is flaf right

I am a Warhammer 40k fan and I loved it. I thought you did a very good job with the description and with the little details.

A new dawn ending

Possibly the best Warhammer fanfic I've ever read. needs some serious proofreading, as there are more than a few glaring grammatical errors (namely typos), but overall, the story, characters, and setting were all very well done. I look forward to the sequel (hint, hint) 7\8

Wow, even though I never actually immersed myself with the Warhammer series, the writing in this was just very incredible. I found myself enjoying this quite immensely.

Cheers, Steve :)

Another great story! I wanted to give it an 8 but the multiple spelling and grammar errors knocked it down to a 7 for me. Superbly written in a way that one doesn't need to know the fandom but actually will get a person unfamiliar with the source material interested in it.

Stories good. Few mistakes that need fixing, but otherwise its nice. Y'know, what most people realize is that how long the first few pages are, and how the paragraphs are spaced out, really changes peoples perception of how good the story was. You nailed it perfectly! Kudos!

You need a sequel. This was a great piece of writing, however in the beginning (Before and slightly after the "Warp Procedure") there are some grammar and spelling mistakes, like you instead of your, and putting in a comma where there shouldn't be one, but other than that it was great! A sequel would be epic, also being able to go with Olive instead of Fay, as, even if they vehemently say otherwise, people love to have a choice of who to romance and everything. (On a related note, you kind of brought it on strong with fay if you "Made a move on her" when you two were in your room.) Additionally, when you take the man in the penthouse, if you choose to disarm Drake, it says "OK, OK, you're skilled, you say," when it should say, "OK, OK, you're skilled, Drake says."

I played multiple times, and I finally got the worst ending!(:

Great story. Some spelling errors but the content awesome. Deserves and must have a sequel!

Got the Fear the Psyker ending. Best one.

Got the Daemonic Spawn ending. Great work, as usual.

Really does justice to one of my favorite settings.

Glad this is the first thing in a while I could rate an 8/8. Good job, this brang the Warhammer 40k world to me.