Grounded!

This storygame was a fun little thing to click through, although the pages were bare and contained only 2-3 sentences each. I would play this on a sunny day when I had too much time on my hands (which is virtually every day). But there are several improvements to be made here.

First of all, try and make your content pop and seem like a real story. The kind of vibe that I got from this was a written-in-twenty-minutes-and-waited-the-time-out kind of thing. It would have been even more fun if you threw some...real plot into it. It was a little bland; kind of like eating pancakes without maple syrup or butter. Add that salt and flour, give it some substance.

Secondly, try and give characters more development than just giving them five seconds of screentime (booktime?). It would be leagues more interesting and more fun to read.

So, I think you could have added a lot more than you did, and put a bit more effort in than you did. Improvements, improvements, right?

This was cute, but really short and felt sort of aimless. And it seems even shorter once you notice how many of the pages keep getting reused.

The first time through I burned the house down, so that was fun at least.

I'm not sure what country the author is from but from some of the wording and the details of the story itself, I'm getting the sense English might be a second language. The grammar was fine, actually refreshingly so, just the wording chosen felt a bit stiff and formal in parts. (fake edit: googling 'mamercake' suggests Luxembourg?)

In the end though the story needed just a little something more to it. There should have been at least some small conflict or goal that took it beyond 'click around aimlessly two or three times until mom comes home'. Even if it was something as simple as adding more detail and a couple of choices to things like baking the cake to determine whether it works out or is a disaster, or a chance of one of you falling out of the tree when climbing leading to an injury you need to treat, it would make it feel more complete.

Also I'm thinking this needs a Geared for Children tag. But even with the flaws I have to say that the little that was here managed to be sort of sweet and charming in a way that somehow touched my bitter blackened heart, so I hope the author sticks around an d eventually puts out a longer project.

reeses are certainly better than this, but it was stilling entertaining.

This game was pretty well done!

um i usually give bad ratings but this was worth it

I'm sorry to say, I burned the house down. My mom is very mad at me. But I don't care because I am gangsta

I REALLY enjoyed this. Even though there could be more to it,it was pretty amusing fore me. My favorite one was when the house was on fire. good work,alot better than most ive seen.

nice job

so, so delightful. only 'bout 10-20 pages yet it's so funny. I loved it, and it wasn't so wimpy... wait, oh no. mmmmh*& blArh$# shu!@fl.

It's alright. Not really that descriptive, but the story is quite decent. I wish that you could have developed it more. And if I was really a gansta, couldn't you like hide a Smith and Wesson M&P .38 Special in your closet or something?

I thought that the game was fine. ;p