Hey Mom

Just a really fast run-through...

I really, really, really, really, REALLY wanted it to be more in-depth than a "you do this, and that, and this, and that." If you read EndMaster's stories, he pretty much loops many important events in his character's life to make a decent amount of years. In your case, you're skipping all the good parts, like the relationships and children. Instead, you're aiming for a summary. That is a big no-no. The story will not become a story if you only make it a compilation of summaries, and it will only give the readers a very "hawk" point of view.

I want to give you a higher rating on your story but some things stood out to me. But first, let's start with the good:

I liked the idea. Choosing my life(Even though I'm not a girl) was fun. I'm glad that the choices that I made didn't end on stupid links like, "And an anvil dropped on your head. Dummy!" Also, nice amount of options for me to choose from and good spelling. Those things are usually hard for people just starting out.

The only bad things I noticed was that the sentences were a bit choppy. It hopped from line to line like this, "And then we went there. And then we went here. And then I'm pregnant". You might want not to gloss over important details. Also, I got the feeling you wanted me to get pregnant very soon as most of the options either led me on to continue my career or get settled down.

A little more branching could be put in there.

Overall, I felt it was an average game but I get the feeling you're going to be a lot better in the future.

4/8

eh i have read better 4/10

i love it

Unrealistic, I'm Lesbian.

Holy fuck I dumped my first boyfriend after only 3 weeks what did he do shit in my mouth?

Anyway the transition from highschool to adult hood happened in two sentences on one page which I felt was really abrupt and kind of set the tone on what to expect from this story with expectations given the overall score that it has.

The link given to a site that gave what some rando lady thinks seems to say that the author made this just for the fun of it which is if that was their goal then all the power to them.

Still on story standpoint there was pretty much none and while the choices in themselves weren't really linear per say, they didn't lead to anything that could be said to be really that drastic and most of the endings end up feeling the same.

Overall a decent effort but that's all there is to say for this story.

its ok, but its like so bland

not bad

i really liked it thats why i gave it a seven

Very short but very cool