Player Comments on Saturday Bike Ride

It's going to be impossible for me to properly convey my thoughts regarding this story without heading into spoiler territory, so...

<<SPOILERS AHEAD>>

Saturday Bike Ride is a nice, peaceful read about two college students who reconnect with nature over the course of a pleasant bike ride. At least, that's what the first few pages made me believe. This, of course, was a setup for the whiplash-inducing plot twist of being inducted into a drug-fueled, murder-hobo cult. I have a bad habit of predicting how stories will end as I read them, but this game had me doubting my abilities in that department. Excellent work!

Writing:

I do have to address the spelling errors here. You really should try and ensure that at least the first few pages are error-free.

The adventure of a lifetime (5th paragraph) => If you'd taken thirty second|s|...

The Rapids Trail (1st paragraph) => the leaves |of| the trees on the banks...

The clocktower bridge (1st paragraph) => at the far end |of| it...

The writing of the story was engaging enough that I stopped paying attention to the occasional typo, but first impressions are still important. You could run finished pages through some grammar-checking software or have a fresh pair of eyes proofread to help you catch such mistakes.

Other than the typos, the writing was pretty good. The plot events were expressed clearly enough that I was never confused at any moment while reading the story. I'd give it a 6/8 in this department.

Characters:

- The story does a great job of hinting at how powerful the primary antagonist of this story, the drug ring, is. They have access to proper factory manufacturing and solid connections within the police force. As I worked my way through all of the endings, I gradually felt more and more paranoid about choosing options that prolonged contact with the drug ring.

The story actually even called me out on this by giving me an option to run away with Ryan, which I happily picked the first time the choice was offered. It was only when I read the other branch that I realized how paranoid interacting with the drug ring had made me.

So yeah, I think the story does a really good job of establishing its antagonist.

- Dennis' sole purpose in this story seems to be to act as the voice of reason to the protagonist's potentially impulsive behaviors in certain branches. While he does this job well, outside of it he seems a bit thin as a character. I loved it when he made a makeshift bomb in the branch where you sneak into the factory. I just wish Dennis had a few more moments to shine.

- Jonathan was probably my favorite character in this. He was the much-needed contrast in the drug-addled hive cult that seemed to have no empathy for its members. He also had compelling reasons to both help us and hurt the cult.

- The protagonist for the most part seems to act as a blank slate, which works really well since it allows for a ton of different branching options.

- Overall, in terms of characters, I give it a 7/8. Having an intimidating antagonist is something I really appreciate.

Structure:

The pacing of the story was never a problem. Choices were regularly presented, and it was constantly engaging to interact with the story. It also branched very well.

The only nitpick I have here is with the epilogues. I feel like some branches didn't really need to have an epilogue. I am particularly talking about branches where the events that happened in the story didn't really have a tangible impact on the rest of the protagonist's life. E.g., the one where you don't go looking for your phone. An epilogue seems like overkill for such branches where a simple paragraph tacked onto the end of the page would've sufficed.

I give a 6/8 for story structure.

Overall score: 6/8

Not too long ago I was in hot pursuit of stories that conclude themselves within 24 hours. Saturday Bike Ride may be the one to scratch that itch.

The story revolves around the protagonist and his friend Dennis, two college students that embark on a journey around their small town for the sake of fun and adventure. The stakes take their time to introduce themselves, and it's easy to pass this off as a "story about nothing" (which it does present itself as first, and it still executes that concept in an entertaining way), but there's enough depth here to dismiss those allegations.

In reality, this town in a chokehold by a mysterious narcotic called Hive, which is produced in what outwardly appears to be a dilapidated factory within the city lines. This drug problem, which predominantly affects the poor and homeless, is reminiscent of the real-world narcotics crises that plague many towns in the United States. We see a more humorous spin on such circumstances in this story, with the drug turning its users into cartoonish animal-like caricatures of themselves. If this wasn't such a lighthearted piece, the worldbuilding here honestly could've been a good blueprint for a serious if not disturbing detective thriller.

Also, $500 for half a month's rent? In THIS economy? Don't let the category fool you, this is a fantasy story. Although maybe it's plausible for a drug-infested hole to have those kinds of prices.

** CHARACTERS **
I liked the camaraderie between the main character and Dennis. They have realistic back-and-forth dialogue, from figuring out the next step of their journey to just shooting the shit about how life's been going. Escaping boredom is a major plot point, the inciting incident of the story. And it's an all too real one at that; we have countless hours of media at our fingertips and incredibly accessible points of contact with anyone worldwide, but none of it feels entertaining anymore. The main duo here explore a resounding point: sometimes the most freeing thing you can do is disconnect.

The author succeeds in encapsulating the essence of eccentric folk living in Nowhere, USA. The boys run into a cast of colorful characters, including old high school friends, odd homeless men spewing nonsense to passerby while high out of their minds, and corrupt policemen bought out by narcotics distributors. Each named character has their own flavor and spirit, something that sets them apart and makes them memorable (aside from maybe Brody, but he has a pretty minimal role in the story anyway).

I do wish there was more interaction with the shirtless guy in the Viking hat or the furry gang, or at least something to explain their albeit minimal presence. Then again I'm fine with just accepting these characters as gag cameos since they aren't directly involved in anything.

** WRITING **
The branching here is very solid, and there is a wide variety of epilogues to unlock. You can end up back at your home after a refreshing if not curious bike ride with your old bud, or you can flee the country and start a brand new life with some 17 year-old druggie in Canada. Decisions, decisions! There is an honestly surprising amount of depth to each branch, and each main plotline feels like a complete story of around equal length. I embraced a more adventurous route with my first playthrough, picking up weird drinks, taking new trails, and investigating rickety old structures that hid labs for nefarious drug rings. Fun stuff! After this I went back and tried to read through the rest, but there's a chance I missed some options.

This is a small world to explore, but there's plenty of life to it. Each path explores the grip that the Hive drug has on this town from a different angle. You learn more about its users, effects, manufacturing process, and the role of the local police force in keeping the drug around between different storylines. This alone warrants multiple playthroughs for this story, as one branch on its own can be a satisfying read but may lack the details that the other branches have relating to the Hive crisis. This is really immersive worldbuilding on the author's end that doesn't seem stuffy or overly explanatory.

I like how the paths can change the tone of the story. Some choices maintain the lighthearted energy present from the start, while others can take the action in a darker direction. The branch revolving around the homeless Hive cult is a good example of this, though it still has a decent helping of humor infused in it.

Dialogue definitely plays a heavy role in the story. I did like how realistic the dialogue was, but I would've liked some more showing as opposed to telling in some scenes. For example, something like "Ryan's face goes serious" can be presented through subtle changes in Ryan's posture, expression, maybe some sort of tic, etc. The part where the police officer admits to taking bribes under no pressure feels a little corny too, to be honest. It's not a bad choice by any means, but I feel like it could've been executed in a more satisfying way.

For the most part, this is a well-written story, but there are some issues. Some phrases are a bit wonky and can be reworked (I don't know if "eating through your water supply" makes sense). SPAG-wise, there are errors littered throughout the story - nothing terrible or a deliberately wrong choice, but there's signs that this could've used some more proofreading. Some words are spelled incorrectly, some proper nouns aren't capitalized when they need to be, and closing dialogue tags are sometimes missing. Again, nothing serious, but when around half of the pages have some combination of error, it's worth mentioning.

** RATING **
Saturday Bike Ride is a refreshing and fun read. It takes a lighthearted spin on a pretty dark topic, and it manages to build an interesting world out of one mundane bike ride between two friends. It isn't a perfect story, but it's absolutely one worth reading if you have the time for it.

So is this the circadian story I've been looking to read on CYS? I think it is! Nice job!

6/8.

I would say overall this kind of nice little contained adventure where you really have no idea exactly where it's going to go.

The beginning did not immediately draw me in, because there weren't any guardrails at first—no obvious quest, no protagonist motives, no conflict. That isn't inherently bad. It's a double edged sword, and can be either good or bad, depending on what the author does. The downside is that this sort of start to a storygame can seem directionless, like you're floundering, going through the motions. But on the other hand, the upside is that the possibilities are wide open.

I feel like the latter was the case here. As I went through the story, bit by bit I began to realize what this story was: a trip into the unknown. For the protagonist, and the world itself. So I decided to take the most adventurous route I could as I went through (and it does seem this game has some decent branching, although I didn't go through all of them).

There were a couple of signs early perhaps—a sketchy friend, a crazy looking homeless guy, and, as far as I can imagine it, QAnon Shaman, complete with no shirt and a viking hat. And then, of course, I reached the ominous looking, dilapidated factory. In one particular branch here, I ended up consuming what I can only describe as a zombie pill (lol), and I immediately lost coherence and developed an inexplicable hungry. I enjoyed that little bit of humor.

Then, I went back and made the choice I actually would make, didn't eat the pill, and helped rescue the kid. It was a merry chase, definitely a little fun as the three of us escaped the drug dealers. Eventually I went home and life returned to normal, which I suppose is the appropriate ending for a contained adventure like this.

But, like all good storygames, if you take an alternate path, you can find claims made by a character manifest in the world. I'm obviously referring to Ryan saying the drug dealers own the police. Don't snitch about the kidnapping! You'll definitely be killed by the cops. I did see that coming and obviously first chose to rescue the kid rather than call 911. But my point here is that you won't have any hint about the police being evil until AFTER you either get killed by them OR Ryan tells you AFTER you choose to rescue him.

Some people would whine and say you had no hints that calling the cops was a bad idea. So, why do I like that instead? Simple: it shows the world is INTERNALLY CONSISTENT and SELF-CONTAINED. Upon going back through another branch, you see that the world exists independently in a certain state, regardless of the protagonist's choices, except when the protagonist directly or indirectly interferes. In other words, it adds IMMERSION.

So, overall I enjoyed this storygame. It has the things I expect most people here and on sites like this expect out of a storygame: branching, twists, a bit of humor, and it doesn't take itself too seriously. I definitely recommend it, and I'm glad the author finally came back and finished it.