The Apartment

This game was pretty short, and I was killed by IT? He was in my cabinet? Mind=Blown.
5/8

As others mentioned too short, and only make parts for self contained stories / when you really need to.

You could have asked in workshop to have others see how your writing is coming along and enabling sneak preview, if you wanted feedback.

But the story itself definitely seems interesting, hoping you make part two a LOT longer.

As a potential idea, maybe add lots of detail to every page? That would add to the total read time and let you control the story more. But seeing as *SPOILER* IT makes me use my imagination, you might not want to do this.

So keep writing! Just make the second part longer.

Like Briar says when the author warns the reader to avoid bad comments you know their story is going to make any enthusiastic critic's day in the same way some parents bound home from work in the evenings to spank children for their transgressions.

Having said that there is not actually too much here to criticize: you used choices, the writing had atmosphere (though on some pages it could have been a bit longer) and the story was reasonably interesting. Yes you shouldn't publish in parts but that's because most writers who lack the discipline to write more than 30 or 40 pages for a story and call it "part 1" rarely make it as far as part 2. It's nice to get proven wrong and read a lengthy and mind-blowing sequel once in a while...

I don't think apart from a few spelling errors (one of the links said deide instead of decide) there's anything wrong with the quality of the writing, it's just lacking in quantity.

This wasn't a game. This wasn't even part of a game. This was part of part of a game. I made one choice, and then clicked on two links, and that was it. I understand that sometimes releasing multiple stories works, but that's when the stories are self-contained, like with Homo Perfectus. You should never release it in such tiny chapters. If you don't have the patience to do it all together, you won't have the patience to ever finish this.

When the writer needs to use the blurb to tell people not to insult his story, you know not to get your hopes up >.<

Says please don't realease your story's in segments... Creates this

The story is incomplete. Please do not release your story in segments - the community frowns upon that.