Player Comments on The Robots United

Generally, this story was quite bad. Useful only for the point.

Very minor spoilers below.

The first warning to how bad this is was the multiple word-choice and tense mistakes in the description. There was even a mistake in the update where you said you fixed the spelling mistakes. Anyways, first page, second sentence, another mistake. Was there no proofreading, or is English not the author’s first language? This story was riddled with so many tense mistakes, it was painful to read through.

The fonts changed from the first page to the second, which was quite irritating.

The info dump at the start could easily have been incorporated into a scene where Unknown and Sera talk over what happened. It would have made it both easier to remember and more interesting to read.

The different colors based on who was speaking would have been so much better if you just said who was speaking. As an example, take this. The following text is red to represent the main character.
“Hey, Sera, you got the scroll?”
It would have been much easier to read with something like:
“Hey, Sera,” Unknown said, “You got the scroll?”

The game was very linear. Any straying from the main path resulted in having to retry. Just make it have an endgame link, so the reader doesn’t have to click through choice after choice just so they can comment. or even better, some branching. What would happen if the protagonist didn’t wait for Sera?

The story isn’t that long, just incorporate the sequel into this one. Generally, multiple part storygames don’t do well on this website.

Very ambitious plot. I think the main problem of this story was that there was no build-up to anything and many plot holes: what do I think of Sera? Who build us? Why is my identity not known? Who made the Sword of Tappa? How does it control aliens? Why is it in the volcano? What is the Bloodstone? How did the aliens conquer Earth in the first place? All of this questions SHOULD have been answered by the author in the story to get a feel and sense of the world we are in and how we fit in it. Instead the author plops the reader in the middle of everything and leaves us to figure it out. Furthermore the game needs to be fleshed out so much more; it seemed like every link either led to your death or continuation of the story, instead of this there needs to be actual choices that create new branches and varying story plots.

Sequels, sequels,sequels, boooooo

I felt like the story was rushed, and you had a lot of grammatical errors.

Probably the worst introduction in a Cys game, or in any other IF. And a clear example, Of how telling not showing is far worse than anything else as introduction


"You are an elite robot. You have meet up with your friend who is another robot named Sera. No one knows what your name is so they called you Unknown. Now, you and your friend must work together to save the earth."

This is the introduction where you basically tell the entire story in five lines. With no context, no atmosphere, not build in the storyline or anything like that

The dialogue is ATROCIOUS with some of the more jarring dialogues ever made where you ask about stuff you don't even know what are.

Also, choices are blatantly false and lead to really bad design ugly atrocious endings

With an insulting message, Next time be smarter. Choose a better option next time.

Plot Twist: Sera is a alien! poor Unknown...

Me and my mom liked this story very much, accept for the part where Sera shoots you dead, WAY too much for the rating. Anyways, thank you for making this!

I didn't really get anything from this game. Concepts like the Bloodstone and "Volcano of Doom" were thrown in out of nowhere with no explanation, to the point that I wondered if this was a parody. Maybe it is?

Well, the first line is "You are an elite robot" so I guess that says it all. The ending wasn't very satisfying but I see that you were going for a sequel. Also, the font hurt my eyes.

Interesting concept . . . needs work on grammar and description though

Very, intriguing.. I like it!

Not bad for a story about flying robots ^_^

It was alright. I enjoyed it, but too linear. If not A then B. More plot and character development would be nice. Multiple endings would be nice, and not just 1 good ending and the rest bad endings. that's two endings.Keep at it!

Malo

Interesting

lame

A Cliffhanger?!? No fair.

too short

Good , although the other robot shouldn't get angry as they dont have emotions. I will play the sequal now. rated a 5

Lol, what a stupidly random end. Good laugh and hope it was intended to be funny.

I loved it bravo.I cant wait until the next comes out.!

Worst game ever.

It sux

very fun, make the sequal fast

choose the correct option? This is entirely linear. also, see previous comments.

A good plot and storygame, but the spelling and grammar look like they have been written by a foreign person still learning the English language.

Creative and fun, until it suddenly ended. You do seem to have serious problems, not really with grammar, but with tenses and conjugation. Other than those problems, pretty good story.

didn't really do it

good concapt enjoyd it looking forwerd to the fullvreson

You guys are so nice, even though my game is not good.

great game

i hate demos. this had a fairly decent story too.

it was ok

it was bad it need to be a let batter

It was ok, but I liked your aliens they looked pretty sweet.
Where did you get them from?

i didnt last very long at all but i enjoyed it. the grammar was rough sometimes but its now my favorite among the new ones that have come out in the past week or so.

cool game, can't wait for the sequel. But what was the point of saving right before the game ended?

You use a great combination of text and choices. It is really mean to say somebody is stupid because they choose the wrong choice. I would also probably unpublish this and add number two at the end of this one.

Expand, make it logner but its pretty good.