Player Comments on Your Fate Like Clockwork

I think I failed miserably when I first read through this storygame, as every time I reached a 'death' ending, I assumed it was the end of the storygame and went back. It wasn't until I reached the first actual ending and went through the appendix that I realised I was supposed to continue past the initial death endings.

I really liked the atmosphere of this storygame, and the writing was wonderfully detailed and atmospheric. However, I did have some trouble with connecting emotionally to the player character. I think this was because I didn't really get a chance to know much about their history and what drove them to hunt and kill witches. I didn't really know anything about the player character until I reached the first actual ending...and even then, I'm not sure I truly get what was going on. There seemed to be some kind of time loop, maybe? But I was left wondering how the town fit in with everything...and why did the curse of lycanthropy appear at all? There didn't seem to be a way of saving the townspeople from the curse.

I really liked the fact that, after 'reinstating', there were references to what had gone before. This was particularly noticeable when it came to Sylvio - who always gave off a bit of a 'creepy' vibe, but one particular ending makes it clear just how awful a person he is...and it was good that the player character reacted with that prior knowledge.

I ended up restarting the game three separate times, though it wasn't exactly by choice. One of the pages I got to right at the end seemed to have an error of some kind, as it went from being on the observatory to then restarting from the meeting in the pharmacy. Maybe the restart was deliberate, since that left me reaching a different main ending. However, it was a long way to effectively restart and read through a lot of what I'd already experienced, so I did feel it dragged a bit at that point.

I was really intrigued by the whole thing with the serpent and the reflection, but I was still confused about how it all fit in with everything else going on. It was good to see so many different creatures in this - not only werewolves, but ghouls as well. And a giant-like creature that was pretty disturbing to read about. And there was something really chilling about the scene where all of the townsfolk come out of their houses and begin changing.

I did really enjoy this storygame, but I would have liked more details. It is possible, since I doubt I found all of the proper endings, that more is explained in different paths, and at some point in the future, I would definitely like to see if I can find all the endings.

I do recommend giving this storygame a read. It is long, but it's highly detailed and the descriptions are definitely worth the read. I enjoyed this and definitely intend to revisit eventually.

Your Fate Like Clockwork is a looping corridor of twists, turns, expansive world building and a nearly incomprehensible lore; despite all of this, it manages to run like clockwork!

The amount of detail given to this small town is an iron clad testament to the skillful writing and colorful world building. From the start, the existence of one nervous, illiterate guard tells us this place is either a nothing shabby-town of sorts, or in ruin. The large but empty streets, the closed off shops, and the existence of the grand but abandoned castle set in stone the picture for us; this was obviously once a bustling medieval city fallen to ruin. Our protagonist themselves, intelligent and observant, gives us enough feedback to fill in any blanks. This isn't just present in the opening though, this perfect blend of narrator show and protagonist tell is present throughout the story.

The story itself is way better than it should be; this game is essentially a two part, in depth novel, with part one being the town and part two being the castle. Both of these parts build up well. In the town this build up in plot is mostly linear; you start by being introduced to the woman who called you here, and begin your investigation. As you gain more insight and discover the clues, the climax rapidly approaches as the town itself turns against you in an action packed escape scene. The castle area is a little less straight forward; one can go from a seemingly mundane hallway to fighting an unholy monster in the flip of a page! The lore expeditions here are heavy handed as well, but with the bits and pieces gathered in the town, you'll be happy to discover more in depth bits of information. Overall, the pacing in this second section is wildly different from how it's structured in the first, but I think this is a good decision on the authors part, and effectively stops the second act from feeling like a slog.

If I had one major criticism, it's the characters throughout the story. The town basically feels like an investigation with the occasional NPC. The castle is just a march to the antagonist, with no side characters present in the slightest. You basically get three other secondary characters, a smithy, a priest, and a doctor. Depending on how you play, you can uncover more information on their relevance to the plot, or lack there of, but it's mostly unsatisfying, and replaying for these bits was the least fun part of this experience. I do realize, considering the plot, that this may have been intentional, but it stuck out to me nonetheless.

Overall I rated this a 7 out of 8, and If this is a taste of what's to come from you as an author on this site, then i look forward to following your journey. Best of luck!

Jesus Christ!

I was not prepared for this story. I need to pause for a little and come back to it a bit later, perhaps while I'm not eating breakfast.

Otherwise this story has been amazing! If I hadn't read a comment before I started, I would not have suspected that this was a first attempt. The worldbuilding is top-notch, the storyline is captivating, every paragraph is incredibly descriptive, and the gore certainly hasn't disappointed me. I feel like this story being my first jump into this site's horror genre is going to make other stories a bit weak by comparison.

I did catch a few minor spelling mistakes. The one I saw the most is the second storey overhang bit. The correct spelling would be second story.

10/10 will come back to this again when my stomach has settled more. Great job readwithjeremy. I wait hopefully for more brilliantly written Storygames like this one!

There's a surprising degree of polish for a first effort. One wouldn't imagine that this is apparently a writer's first attempt at the cyoa genre.

What is here is some rather remarkable world building, along with some tense action scenes that are quite descriptive. When you're hunting otherworldly threats, it makes sense for the choices to not be straightforward, but require a degree of the reader paying close attention on whether or not they should attempt at being brave/foolhardy and moving forward to the threat, or smartly deciding it better to play it safe and return with more tools to overcome their situation. However being someone that is cautious and apprehensive might also not be the best choice to make, depending on the situation. I feel this gives every choice some heft to it in terms of consequence or reward.

Also the writer is surprisingly open to criticism and concessions that aren't even mandatory for one to make. However with that might I feel that this story is one that is worthy of being played through multiple times.

I certainly do not think that one time is not enough to see all that this story-game is worth. I definitely will be returning for a second, third, and even fourth play-through. Time would tell if more read throughs are necessary. :)

Your Fate Like Clockwork is a masterclass in atmosphere, pacing, and interactive storytelling. From the very first page, you’re pulled into a world shrouded in decay and dread. This is not just a horror story. It is a psychological labyrinth wrapped in dark fantasy, written with a level of confidence and detail that’s especially impressive for a debut.

The narrative is cleverly built upon a looped system. Death is not permanent here, and the game never leads you to believe otherwise. Instead, it utilizes the element of repetition and memory so that each death will have narrative importance. It's a game where you don't just have to try and try, but you must. If you can accept that the "deaths" are not failures but the process, the game lays open.

Most impressive is the prose. The writing is atmospheric, full of imagery and menace, but never overly so. Descriptions are vivid but not exaggerating, describing dark streets, toppled towers, and ghastly monsters in a way that stays with you. The mist-shrouded town and crumbling castle ruins are tangible. You can almost smell the mold and hear the whispers on the walls.

The player character, while not an empty page so much as a razor blade thought out, does have a clear voice and personality behind them and is highly invested in the search in each scene. While there are certainly readers who will be going to want to know more about who you are and why you're here at the start, that slow development of this mystery is part of what builds tension.

Pacing is also well controlled between the two main acts: town and castle. The first builds slowly, based on investigation and suspicion. The second explodes into chaos, horror, and discovery of an antique period. This shift stops the story growing stale and reflects the descent into madness from mystery. Even the choices change in tone. They are investigative and hesitant in the town. Within the castle, they become increasingly desperate, almost reckless. This change of tone mirrors the advancement of the story in a way that feels deliberate and warranted.

The lore, while sometimes dense, rewards careful attention. There are no lengthy infodumps. Instead, the reader is trusted to piece together the mythology through fragmented texts, cryptic conversations, and environmental details. This gives the setting a lived-in quality and invites replayability. There’s a constant feeling that you’re only seeing part of something much larger.

One area where the story can be bettered is in the secondary characters. While some are memorable, many of them feel like functional props and not fully realized people. This may be deliberate with the repetition and isolation themes, but with a little more emotional investment through these encounters, the stakes could have been heightened.

However, this is a minor misstep in what is otherwise an outstanding story. Your Fate Like Clockwork is raw and beautiful and masterfully written. It does exactly what interactive fiction does better than anything else: creating the illusion that every choice matters, every path is possible, and each death matters. Goths, horror fans, fans of gothic horror, and students of complex worldbuilding will find plenty to enjoy here.

Whether your tenth or your initial piece on the site, it's worth reading, and reading again.

This is a great story and even better writing! You have some clear talent as a writer! I only tried a short play through (only one ending and a few story lines), but the story was very well written! I don't have many suggestions, I only noticed small grammar issues (rarely, maybe once or twice in several pages) that could be corrected, but they did not affect the story. The best feat of your writing shows when you create small details about the characters, town, and our adventurer through specific decisions, such as when I attempted to betray the town and leave, he was soon ambushed and killed, but as the adventurer was dying he worried briefly that the watch he had been given would be lost and destroyed. The attention to detail and character is great, and I thoroughly enjoyed your story! I will be reading and playing this again, thank you for sharing this great story!

LIVERPOOL 7 - 0 MAN UNITED

At the end of my last critique, I meant to say good luck. Sorry about that.

I really loved the beautifully Lovecraftian world-building in this Mystery/Dark Fantasy story-game. There was a lot of thought in creating the back-story for this werewolf haunted village with its ghosts and fish creatures and witches. I also enjoyed how well-crafted the scene where our protagonist meets Vivien in her shop. I do think you might want to cut some of the excess description in some of the more tense passages. I like to use a lot of declarative sentences in my own writing, but sometimes it's best to balance them with a few more interrogative sentences-- like the hero asking himself some more questions as he tries to survive-- so as to break some of the rhythmic monotony of the paragraph upon paragraph of declarative statements. With these types of sentences there is a kind of Da da da da beat that can cause the reader's mind to start wondering after a while. Even Ernest Hemingway was guilty of this at times. I really enjoyed the writing overall, and I thought it was almost reminiscent of those old text-based computer games of the late 70's and early 80's that Infocom (of Zork fame) used to put out. It's fun how you give the protagonist he opportunity to find clues so that the mystery can unfold. There were a few parts where I was somewhat railroaded into going to the next section followed by the next section, with the character making decisions but with me shorn of any agency in the game. Please just take all of what I say as constructive criticism, which you can feel free to take or leave as you see fit. Overall, I think you are a very creative, hard-working, extremely talented writer, and I should like to see you put out more ambitious stuff. Thanks for sharing and good luck in your future endeavors.

Wow.

One of the best stories I've seen on this site. The plot enraptured me, surprising me at every turn. The characters were well written, the world well built. I firmly believe this story is as close to perfection as it gets. If I were to point out any "issues", I would say that the layout of the words made it hard to read, but that's just me nitpicking. Thank you Jeremy, for this wonderful work of art!!

My goodness, there's a lot of content here. Every time I thought I was nearing the end, there would just be more and more to do, thanks in part to the "reinstate" feature. The detail is vivid and interesting, not at all too wordy in my opinion, although I understand that it may be a problem to some. I enjoyed the atmosphere created, and the worldbuilding is very good too. Plus, there's loads more stuff to this storygame that I still haven't even read. So I'd better get to it!

Wow that was very fun and a definite premise you have, I like where the story is headed (even though I could not beat it). This is one of the better stories I have see on cys so kudos!

Love the story line, and it's so vividly described that it really gets you immersed in the story.

Interesting deep story, but honestly a little bit too confusing and wordy to really follow. I had to stop the story multiple times to even get through it once and when I did, it was very hard to follow. A great idea with incredible inspiration at points, but ultimately a little too hard to follow to really be enjoyable.

The level of depth and intricacy from the very first choice you'll make is just simply brilliant. I have done one full blind playthrough of it, but I will soon do a few more.