Player Comments on A Day at the Bakery

This storygame consisted of some occasional flavor choices, but mainly memorization and basic math, giving me Vietnam-style flashbacks to elementary school.

If this is meant to be a school project, it's recommended you don't publish it. School projects are notoriously bad and will likely be unpublished by an admin. Instead, leave it on sneak preview, and send the link to whoever you want to play it.

In the case that this is meant to be an actual storygame, there are some problems. The most major one being the forced restarts whenever the player does something wrong. Don't do that. Make the customer get mad and refuse to leave a tip, or even have an option to quit running the bakery out of shame, but don't force the player to restart.

Still assuming this is meant to be an engaging story, you need to work on the characters. The main character was bland, boring, and the reader was given zero reason to care about her. Her goal of keeping the bakery open and making the customers happy needed to be fleshed out more, and she didn't have much personality aside from forgetting simple things.

In a bakery, the owner (or whoever is in charge of this) is supposed to arrive early and make anything that would require too much time to make fresh whenever a customer wants it. So why is the main character making a fresh batch of cookies whenever a customer requests a single cookie?

In all, it was pretty bad. Useful only for the free point.

The idea of running a cafe is good. More mechanics are needed though.

Ehh... Terribly boring and linear, and not scripted properly. You can just finish half the order and move on.

Still, not terrible for a kid.

The writing isn't bad its just annoying.

Wow. This really sucked.

It's not written terribly, but it is terribly boring and linear.

A few notes:
1. This felt like a primary school reading exercise turned into an interactive story, but there is no mention of that in the title, description, and tags. At least put it in the edutainment category.
2. Next time, try making wrong choices have consequences other than just "go back and choose the right option". There was only one bad ending in the game.
3. You should read the tutorials on how to use items and variables. Correct use of variables will avoid the need to add "Make X, if you haven't already" links.
4. The "battle" at the end honestly felt like someone testing the editor. It's just you deal 2 damage, you take 2 damage, you deal 2 damage, you take 2 damage and so on until you win. Your choice of move does not matter at all.
Overall, this was okay, but just has so much "test story" energy. 2/8.