Player Comments on A Trip to the Zoo

It was... creative, but I never made it to the zoo :P. Also, your grammar was pretty bad, which makes your story look that much more juvenile, which is something you want to avoid. Even if your 2cnd person view takes place in the head of an extremely immature person, you want the PERSON to look juvenile, not the STORY. I also think you made 13 guest accounts and rated it a 6, I don't think it's deserving of that rating at all, and I doubt many other readers would either due to the comments I've seen. 3/8

Right. Yeah. A couple of things:
- You randomly change tense halfway through sentences, which usually ends up sounding horrible. It's mainly set in the present tense, so I'd say stick to that.
- This game doesn't really have a point? The premise is: 'go to the zoo'. As all stories ideally need conflict (you'll very rarely find fiction without it), you didn't have a great starting idea. Even a simple, barely fleshed out plot would be better than this idea. It seemed more like an excuse to string together a load of random events that's all mainly aimed at the kind of 'lolrandom' humour genre. You could put it down to personal preference, but I don't think it's controversial to say that a plot is pretty vital for MOST stories (storygames with an emphasis on the 'game' side are an exception most of the time.
- It was pretty short and I think it needs more effort. If you're going to write something, you want to be proud of it, right? That takes time and effort.
Despite that, I did like the use of picture: something you don't see usually in the generally lower rated games.
2/8

I didn't really see much point in this story. It was random, but I guess this is why we have an "Everything Else" category. So, yeah, I gave you 3/8. Also, I don't like the idea of the fact that you have two options on a page and both lead to death.

You take the food and gorge it. The was tasty and all. You felt satisfied for a little bit. All of a sudden you drop to the floor and get a heart attack. The cashier does not care and let's you die.

Now, that was interesting....

Randomness amounts to make a very bad game. That is what I learned from this game so far.

I agree with you on the "McDonald's is Evil" thing but other than that... This was awful.

So this is the story? I haz to go to de zoo but I don haz car! Your neighbour kills his wife. Knock knock. "Hey Pete can I borrow your car?" Door slam shut. "Well I sure am glad you're so polite Pete! >:o "You want some coffee? -.- you get coffee "ey Pete where's the bathroom?" "Somewhere"
You find escape. Go escape. Find a wishing well. Find the chamber of secrets. The Ican'trememberwhatitwassnakethatkillspeople Is there you see a hat " Wait hats are magical! :D puts on hat. Hat Does nothing. :(
Kills self with brocken harry potter wand or jayfeather stick or what ever

a pretty good game

Umm. . . a few grammar problems and sort of random. No event has to do with another and you can't solve one mystery without stumbling on another. Also, some people might not know what the chamber of secrets is...

Went to borrow neighbour's car, accidentally slew a serpent lord.

11/10 would accidentally commit regicide again

that was jst random

Why did the Clerk eat my foot?

...

well, i got to the zoo and it turned out to be a dream...

...
I went to an unhealthy mcdonalds and I died, like I knew that'd happen.

Well, I won... and the victory was... kind of empty.

Everytime I chose a path I died. The fricken Mc Donalds lady ate me.

Yeh so many stupid things in this, you see a murder... so you knock on the door to borrow the car instead of calling 911...

pork and beans pork and beans


nelson stop already

this boy wrote that omg

pork and beans

So, you see your neighbour murder his wife, and this concerns you, but you decide to knock on the door anyway... Why? Just why?

Random, seems very forced, not written very well, and I don't even go to the zoo?

Theres no way to get to the zoo, and there are too many " You Died" endings.

I never made it to the zoo... This was entertaining enough, even if a bit pointless. It wasn't the worst I've played. Silly, but at least it was doable.

weird, too neg and i thought one ending would be the zoo?

This was confusing...

COOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

COnfusing?