It's difficult to determine worth.

I've done my time, ten years.

I took something I shouldn't have, and I understand that. However, there seems to be someone out there who doesn't, and they're after me as we speak. Who exactly? I wish I knew.

So, I've got two kids who haven't seen me since I was locked up, and a wife who doesn't approve of me in the slightest.

Something tells me they aren't my biggest issue right now. 

You ready to fix the world?

Twelve unique people have been corralled in a single mansion with the sole purpose of determining the killer in their midst and stopping not only them but their accomplice, the malicious Narrator who is pulling the strings. However, will paranoia and fear get in their way? Or will they find a way to band together and survive?

Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man here!

Welcome to small-town Concord, Massachusetts.
Your name is Daniel Reeves, a sixteen year-old boy who is waking up to find that things are getting a bit strange...
Juggle adventure, responsibility, and relationships as Daniel and try to uncover a V.I.C.I.O.U.S. plot!

I'll give this a shot! I'm hoping to get back into writing storygames, I've been on this site for a while but haven't actually finished anything... 

I'll do 125 points to serve as proper motivation.

Yeah, I get you. I think I'll get to work on that.

The punctuation and grammatical errors I can do at a later date, since I want to get the foundation of the story and plot down first.

Anything else?

Edit: Thanks again, this is exactly what I was hoping for in terms of critiques. I'll work hard to fix some things here and there and work towards an improved project.

I see what you mean.

Would you recommend just taking out the option you're referring to altogether, or just finding a workaround?

Thanks for going ahead and reading so far in!

The main character isn't supposed to be a good guy in any way, and I don't want to do the old 'bad guy finds redemption in family' or something, because that's been done plenty of times before and I wanted to try something. Maybe that page was a bit too much, at least with the violence, but I can reword or tone it down if I reread it and it seems to be a glaring issue.

The way I wanted to have the story planned out was by introducing the situation like I did, and slowly drawing flashbacks of what happened while he was in prison as a means of storytelling and putting the pieces of the puzzle together while the reader plays. I will agree on the fact that the doctor part was written because I was feeling whimsical, but I want the characters to be memorable and even a bit far-fetched. I do want to keep the realism there however, so thanks for bringing that up.

I do plan on making all the characters you interact with special in some way, and the writing and characters inhabiting the story are supposed to represent the corruption and insanity that is the prison.

Thanks again for taking the time to read!

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/i-don't-need-it~2e~2e~2e

This is a storygame I've been working on, and I'd like as much feedback and criticism as possible.

It's a draft, so there'll be grammatical errors, but I'm more interested in hearing your thoughts on the story itself, and if it seems like something you'd enjoy reading completely.

Read as little or as much as you'd like, there's quite a bit done.

Thanks in advance!

Whoa, I actually didn't know that.

Thanks, that's pretty cool.

Right, thanks for doing that. I didn't even think to do it xD.

Edit: What did you mean by tag you? I just thought it could be free to anyone to see. I'm still an amateur at this site, despite now being here a few years :P.

I know well enough not to publish demos or incomplete projects, and thank you!

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/i-don't-need-it~2e~2e~2e

This is still very much a rough draft, but I just want to see if the idea would be appealing.

When you reach the four branches in the story, only a couple extend quite a bit.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Edit: To give you some perspective, the main character is unconventional in the sense that he isn't and won't be turning into a good guy, at least not as far as I have planned. He's meant to be a jerk and failure who people can't help but love to hate (or hate to love).

Also, with NPCs (if that's what you call them), I want them all to be special, and I want to have them all get special interactions with the main character depending on what paths you take to give them all their own personality.

Hey, if I were to post a preview (not a demo) of my story right here, would somebody mind reading it, or at least a part of it, and giving me their overall impressions and thoughts? Any feedback would also be appreciated.

I know what you guys mean.

I don't even have a job yet, but there's a lot of other things occupying my time. What I've just decided to do is pace myself and save an hour or so a day for just writing, and it's working so far.