Player Comments on Eat.Sleep.Kill.Repeat

Its ok.

This is something that totes discribes me tough but kind to save the girl

Great

Well that was short.
There was a semblance of a plot but it ended too soon for anything to happen.......?

It was good! I liked it!

This is scrubby. You think Death Song is bad? Then read and rate your story. You put a space after commas. This is way too short as well, and cutting a terrible story like this into parts, is a bad idea. Don't, it won't work. What kind of a plot does this have. Oh, I know, none!

Well, if we're rating by your standards, and you believe that the EndMaster's storygame, 'Death Song'...

"Ugh. This sucks" - Fiercerose123's comment on Death Song

... Right back at ya. ^-^

Didn't know if you have high standards, but now... This is ten times worse than 'Death Song', which was a beautiful piece of writing.

i died

Pretty boring, and needs more detail.

A simple thing you could do with the next story would be to space out the paragraphs. Right now you've got giant solid blocks of text for each page, which is tough to read.

Well you're a rude one.

Well. It is just a title you idiot. And this one is better than my last one which I DELETED

Pretty sure there's more to the human life cycle than "Eat and Sleep", ignoring the "Kill" part.

You know, like drinking, breathing, mating...

>>>if you don't care about you're grammar

...I'm sorry Will but I laughed my ass off at that. :P

Good points all around though, I hope the author is willing to listen to you instead of just getting defensive. I admit I don't have much patience anymore for all these 'knowing how to write is NOT important for writing!' folks we seem to get, but this one at least showed some talent in describing things and setting a scene. Pity if they just never allowed themselves to improve at all past this point because there is some potential here.

When I saw the title for some reason I thought I'd be assuming the role of a shark for this story. The story was so-so, I could have written KILL KILL KILL KILL for ten pages and come up with the same sort of thing. If you don't care about you're grammar you'll be condemned to write crap until you do care, sort of like a writing equivalent of the Flying Dutchman lost on a sea of illiteracy :)

Your writing style is actually quite immersive, you just need to space out the dialogue more, use punctuation and show more respect for people who are taking the time to read your work and give you their feedback.

You don't care about grammar mistakes? What the bloody hell?
Grammar and spelling plays an important role in a storygame. If a storygame is about a time traveler, and is filled with long pages, but every word is misspelled and there are shitloads of grammar mistakes, do you think I would continue reading it or close the page?
Yeah, keep that in mind.
Also, the storygame is way too short for what it's supposed to be. Like Mizal stated, just unpublish this and add more to it.

@Fiercerose123 So you're saying you half-assed this entire story and you don't feel it or your readers deserve any more effort than that?

Okay good to know, thanks for being honest.

Btw The Skulls are 16. Also you are 12 in the game AND I also don't exactly care about grammar mistakes

I joined the misfits

And it's also VERY short. I'm not sure why you're working on a 'sequel' instead of just combining the two into one proper story. That would make the endings here less abrupt as well.

Welp. That sure was a lot of child murder.

Some of the blocks of text could really stand to be broken up into paragraphs, and just fyi there are supposed to be spaces after commas and other punctuation, like so.

Anyway I'm not sure if the intention was for it to be serious or what but all these little girls stabbing each other was so over the top it just became funny. But the maturity level probably should be bumped up a notch, and I'm not sure why this is listed as a fantasy adventure.

Well written, creative, suspensive - I just wish it had been longer...