Player Comments on Emperor's Fireworks

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The storygame's minimalistic description conveys its scope and stakes, while also hinting that the protagonist might discover new information which may clash with his previous goal of saving the ceremony. As for the first page, it starts with a short scene where the protagonist speaks with a shopkeeper. This intrigues the reader through unanswered questions, such as what 'it' is and why thieves attempted to steal something. I like that the protagonist's role as someone important is only implied without being stated explicitly, from the curious citizens who shy away at his gaze to the words "your men".

This story builds suspense and stretches tension well. A sense of urgency is created from the crash and screaming patrons. The protagonist rushes up the steps, with the screams getting louder, and the pacing faster, reaching a crescendo. But when he reaches the top, it slows down to a halt. No more screams, though there's an 'uneasy feeling'. The situation is exacerbated when two of his 'best men' are unable to deal with the situation. Their failure is emphasized as the protagonist goes on a tirade about how they should have done better.

A quick nitpick: I noticed an overuse of adverbs. For the same reason as trying to avoid an overreliance on adjectives, I'd suggest only using adverbs where necessary or if it significantly changes the meaning of a verb, otherwise they lose their impact.

The death of the two men portrays the severity of the situation. It fits the mystery genre as there are a number of clues left in the scene of the crime: the name or title starting with 'Insp', the shiv, and the thin cloth. This sets the tone for the story to come. And it ends with a choice to begin the investigation: search for the thieves or find out what they stole.

WRITING STYLE

Lots of descriptive details are employed which allows the reader to visualize the setting. In some cases, these are tied to characterization. "You wince at the sound of bells drifting into the waiting hall, signifying the passing of another hour" --- this line doesn't just describe the protagonist's surroundings, but also portrays his impatience when waiting for the emperor. He then studies the palace door. This is only done to pass time and conveys the protagonist's boredom by slowing the pacing with description.

The dialogue conveys character personalities; with the shopkeeper, there were many clues he has been hiding something which lead up to the revelation of the firepowder. The hierarchical structure is also shown through his constant use of "sir" when referring to the protagonist. This contrasts the authoritative, sometimes demanding protagonist. His commands are obeyed even when his men disagree with him.

The endings where the protagonist fails to stop the explosion are well written. A deep point of view is useful effectively, as the reader is swept away by sensory details---blinding flash, earth shattering explosion, vision obscured by dust---while still maintaining a degree of confusion. The protagonist doesn't know what is happening amidst the deaths and commotion. And the death utilizes the same technique: his attention is drawn to the pain in his chest, he looks down to see the sword, and only then does he register the fact that he has been stabbed. This is a great example of showing rather than telling.

CHARACTERS & PLOT

This story fulfills a piece of writing feedback I once read about: each scene must change the character or the information they have. It does this well, as there are new developments with the case during each scene, which is all the more important for a mystery story. For instance, on the first path, it's revealed that the theft of firepowder was not an isolated event. The problem spans a much larger scale. Following this, it is shown that the emperor's own people cannot be trusted either.

Just like before, dialogue and action reveals information about the characters. This is a good technique and I prefer it more than lengthy explanations or descriptions about each character. When questioning the suspicious servant, his words and body language conveys he has something to hide. It also raises the stakes even more, as it is unclear who can and cannot be trusted, now that the emperor's own people have been infiltrated.

Somewhat unclear characterization of the protagonist makes his actions seem confusing at times. For example, rather than following the servant as the guard pinned his subordinate to the wall, he killed the man. But since he was already dead, is there a point to that? And killing the other man meant he couldn't question him, hence had no more leads. Was it simply a moment of anger? Still, he hardly appeared upset whenever his men died, so it might be hard to believe he cared about them much. Perhaps crafting a stronger personality for him, aside from his anger, intimidation techniques and impatience, might help with this. For instance, knowing why he wishes to protect the emperor at the cost of his own life---the goal that drives the story---would be a good start. It'll also go a long way in getting readers to root for his success.

Major spoilers ahead:

The emperor appeared to be quite immature or naive given how easily he dismissed the problem of stolen gunpowder. On the other hand, while the emperor appears genuinely unconcerned, the dowager seems to dismiss the matter hastily. I am slightly suspicious of her. She even prevents the protagonist from investigating the ceremonial grounds. Moreover, she doesn't attend the ceremony and there are talks about how she's jealous that the emperor would be taking away her power. Oh, looks like I'm right! And there was clever foreshadowing I missed, such as the guards and general being an extension of her power. She gets her revenge by poisoning his food.

Back to the part about inconsistent characterization: in one of the endings, just as he's about to get killed by the general, the protagonist sets the firepowder ablaze. Guess that's the part about not saving the ceremony. Still, without a better idea of the protagonist's motives, it is slightly out of character for him to prioritize revenge on the general over his duties to the emperor. Perhaps a reason as to why he hated the man to such an extent would have made this more realistic considering it was his goal to save the ceremony from the start. In one of the endings, he uses following the systems as a reason for this, though some of the other choices have him actively breaking the law. Still, the differences in his personality allow for the great variety of paths so that's probably a good thing.

Maybe it's just the order I read the paths in, but the emperor being cruel like his father felt off. Especially since he was portrayed as careless at best in the other scene. Though the dowager's motive is realistic, especially given the pain she must have gone through seeing her child die. The protagonist sees her as a good ruler too. I find this sort of nuance refreshing; all too often, villains are given no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Here, there's a convincing argument either way during this moment of temptation.

Cang is another character who blurs the line between morality and illegality. He owes a favor to the protagonist, and despite his criticisms of him, he plays a large role in helping the protagonist with the mystery. Yet, he has his own ulterior motives. He isn't completely upfront with the protagonist about what the men were doing. And he protects one of the thieves, who is unmasked in another path.

Oh, Inspector Xia! That's what the man's last words were about. One thing I like about the story is that each path reveals the significance of a different clue, further enhancing the narrative through new layers of the story. For instance, the part about Mu shows just how many people are involved in this scheme to kill the emperor, hence the high number of endings where he ends up dead makes sense.

There are a number of action scenes in some paths, such as the one where the protagonist chases after thieves. The protagonist is skilled in combat, cutting down several men, though his abilities are not unrealistic. Making the wrong choice---such as taking on too many men---still lead to death. And there are numerous endings but the ones where the protagonist successfully saves the ceremony often involves the emperor's death. This is realistic given the sheer number of people who want him dead. In one of the endings, he lives, though it's bittersweet as the protagonist wonders whether this is a worse fate for their people.

In conclusion, I really enjoyed the various branches in this story and how each one portrayed the mystery in a new perspective.

Review 13 – Emperor’s fireworks

There are some points that I like a lot about the story. The prose is simple, easy to read and snappy enough. I think the overall concept of saving the emperor from assassination is also a cool idea. The scope is narrow enough that the size would be manageable.

Sadly enough, it didn’t do enough for me to genuinely like the story. The protagonist himself wasn’t very interesting or memorable; it’s fine, but it would really spice up a story like this. Most detectives in lots of mystery novels are little weirdos themselves, probably because it makes the character interactions a lot more fun. Also, the other characters are also not that interesting and a bit one note, even after reading through all the routes. It’s mainly that you don’t give them enough room to show off their personality. Their motivations are known, but often thrown very haphazardly around the end.

One thing that was a pretty interesting creative decision, was that you never get to see the emperor talk throughout the whole story. Pretty much everything we know about him is told by other characters. Xia and the empress Dowager both had a very unique view on him and the previous emperor too. So I think you ought to lean into that more, since that was one of the more interesting parts of the story.

And as I also referred in my notes, I expected a mystery, but all I got was a weirdly paced thriller hahah. Another note, I think that most endings are a bit too rushed. Some of the fights, especially with Xia are resolved way too quickly. Plus if you want to write a good mystery, the buildup and the investigation is often more than half of the novel for a very good reason, because that is the allotted time you get to establish the main players in your story and delve deeper into the protagonist’s character motivation and make us root for him. That is something you didn’t bother to do all that much haha.

Another thing that bothered me a little was that there weren’t any personal stakes for the protagonist. I don’t know why he is so driven in keeping the emperor alive. From all the stories, the emperor sounds like a pretty horrible ruler. That rant he gave to empress dowager doesn’t really count. Lots of people like to follow the rules and structure, but to go this far people also need another big motivation.

All in all, structurally pretty well written, but some things can still be improved upon. It’s a nice read to pass the time when traveling on public transport, but don’t expect Pierrot level of fiction.

Notes
- I like the beginning of the story. It sets up the setting, location and the overall mystery pretty quickly. The way we are clued in about it is also clever. At first we only know that we are in a shop, but as the protagonist makes his deductions about the identity of the thief, the readers are also notified that it is set in the capital city. That same natural worldbuilding also happened when he was surprised to be called ‘inspector’ by the guards or when he fretted about the emperor’s coronation. Also, to use gunpowder as the goods that are illegally traded (and is seen as something valuable enough to be smuggled) gives us also enough context what era of technology we are dealing with in this setting.
- I don’t think that blood that spews out of a person’s mouth would be described as ‘dark red mist’ unless you meant it literally and it is some sort of fantasy poison.
- Okay, I now think that this setting has more of an imperial Chinese vibe going on based on the names of the characters and the food. It’s in a way very subtle, but I like it that way.
- One thing that makes a good whodunnit extra special is that you can figure out with some clever reasoning who the culprit may be. Seeing that Inspector Xia was introduced and revealed to be trying to assassinate the emperor, is a bit of a weak writing decision. I think that with a more clever build up, you could make his betrayal a lot more interesting. (or at least mention him in some way, shape or form before the reveal)
- The same thing could be said about the Empress Dowager. Little was there for build up to her character. So her wanting the emperor dead also is a bit of a weak reveal. However, I do find her reasoning a little bit more sympathetic than inspector Xia.
- I do like the interconnectedness of the different routes. In certain paths where you save the emperor, the empress Dowager will poison you because she is pissy that you saved her son.
- I think that Shan has a very similar role as Xia, that they both worked in the North and are back in the capital city and do want the emperor dead. At some points I think that the two characters can be combined into one more complex character. (Have the personal motivation of Xia, but the personality and proximity to the Empress, another key character.

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VERDICT:
The story is not better than that of Malk or even equal to his, not even close... sorry hahah
But I like it more than Ben's!

good job

I do love a good old whodunnit story. Multiple playthroughs are indeed required to understand the whole of the story. It was compelling enough for me to try the different paths and see what information I could uncover.

<<SPOILER ALERT>>

One complaint I have is that it's never made adequately apparent that the emperor would turn out like his father. I know the dowager says as much but we don't really get any information of our own to confirm this. So, to me, it just feels unnatural that the guard captain would just suddenly decide to side with the dowager just because she said, "Emperor bad". It may have been more convincing if she had some evidence of his vile nature.

That said, it was still a fun read :]

***DISCLAIMER*** to the author, It should first be stated, that you should NOT take anything i say with a grain of salt. Everything i say i mean, and i mean it with my chest puffed out, so, take everything i say to heart. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

First Impressions:
This story is very action-oriented and fast-paced, which excellently conveys the urgency of the situation at hand. The ease with which one can die in this storygame adds a sense of realism, making it feel like a true life-or-death scenario where mistakes are unforgiving, and their consequences might only become clear pages later. The author did an excellent job in this aspect.

The antagonists in this story are exceptionally well-developed. I use the term "antagonists" rather than "villains" because they are portrayed as reasonable characters, not evil for evil's sake. The queen, for example, wants to kill the soon-to-be emperor because she fears he will be as ineffective as her late husband, leading the kingdom to ruin. Even the protagonist agrees that she was the best ruler. So, is she truly bad? She’s a pragmatist, which makes her an understandable antagonist. Another antagonist, a city guard alongside the protagonist, cannot be labeled as "evil" either. He is a man who was wronged, and the protagonist did nothing to help or console him. This complexity in the antagonists' motivations makes them more relatable, perhaps even more so than the protagonist himself.

Writing Style:
The writing style is fast-paced, which complements the narrative's strengths, it’s urgent and action-packed. I didn't notice any grammar or spelling issues, so everything was clean on that front. The writing style effectively conveys an adrenaline-infused fight for survival.

Worldbuilding:
The worldbuilding in this story is well-executed. We learn about the past failures of the former emperor, who was incapable of stopping the northern nomad invaders. The story vividly portrays its setting, reminiscent of ancient China. From the character names to the nomads, who seem to be based on the Mongol invasions, the world feels authentic. The motivations behind the assassination attempts are clearly explained, making the worldbuilding efficient and purposeful.

Overall:
Emperor’s Fireworks is definitely worth reading. It’s an action-packed, adrenaline-infused tale where the line between good and bad is blurred. There is no clear right or wrong, and everything feels very "warlike," as if it’s just business.

Good story, if a little underdeveloped, especially in the endings


Good:

1. The writing was pretty good, in particular the descriptiveness and phrasing

2. The death endings were well-done

3. Minimal technical errors

4. Good branching


Bad:

1. No epilogues, and some of the endings felt underdeveloped

2. As Darius also mentioned, more characterization of the protagonist would made him feel less like a crime-solving robot.

What was that two and four thing about?

Pretty good, but it doesn't really make an abundance of sense that I'm not executed immediately for resigning my post right before the Emperor gets blown to the Heavenly Rat Banquet in the Sky

It’s on the shorter side, but still very good! It’s definitely worth replaying to go through all the routes as you get a much fuller understanding of the different characters involved in the plot to kill the Emperor.

In my first attempt, I tried to save the Emperor by going to investigate after being denied entrance by the servants. Finding out that the plot was an inside job added some layers to an otherwise straightforward story. After finishing that route, and failing to stop the assassination, I went for the route that involved assertively barging in to meet the Emperor. Seeing then how deep the plot went, and the motivations surrounding it, elevated the story for me and made the ending choices a lot more meaningful.

I don’t think that the story ever explicitly says that you are in Imperial China, but the story does a very good job of delivering the implication with great description and cultural flavor. I felt immersed in the world and appreciated the details.

I was a little disappointed that the subordinate that goes with you to the Palace doesn’t get much in terms of description or character. I felt it was a lost opportunity for emotional punch with the shock of being attacked in the Palace. Still, other characters like Cang and Empress Dowager are fleshed out better and help give the cast more dimension as a whole.

This is a good storygame that delivers on action and suspense. It’s worth the time to play it several times to get the full scope of the plot.

I believe I played through every ending and I really enjoyed it. Although it's not long, it gets the point across quite clearly. I liked that I got to know more about the setting and the MC with every playthrough. His relationship with Cang was interesting and my personal favorite part of the story. They're not friends but they're working together one time only- it's a great dynamic and the dialog really works.

However, there were a few things that would've been better if expanded upon. The queen dowager is such an interesting character- I wish there were more paths that included her, even if it's not with the reveal. It also would've helped the reveal that she's the one behind the plot feel heavier and more impactful.

Overall a very enjoyable story and fun to play through. I couldn't put it down until I got every ending.

Enjoyable!

This story was well written, and I liked that it used more of a show don't tell method to provide information. The branching was pretty good, with choices having effect on the path of the story.

The characters seemed a bit flat to me, even the main character, and could have used a little more fleshing out. I did not get the feel of any built up tension, so any twists in the narrative didn't really have much effect. And in the end, what could have been a nice mystery just seemed a bit predictable for me.

Overall though, a very solid storygame that is well written and put together. It was easy to read, and the dialogue flowed well. I enjoyed it. Nice job Peng! Definitely recommend.