Player Comments on Hunted down

First of all... why is your door locked if you can open it? How do you even know your parents aren't watching a horror movie or something with the volume high? Why the heck are you in the closet before you hear the screams? If your room is supposed to be the closet, it doesn't sound like they're trying to keep you safe -- it sounds more like your parents are short on rooms.

Then, in the ending where you tried to save your parents, why the heck would he bury you -- it would leave foot prints, etc. -- if he wanted to kill you? Why would he say 'I'm sorry' and stuff if he could just have worn a mask and you wouldn't have known it was him? I don't even know if that's why he killed you. Yes, there's some mystery, and I see that, but... really?

More problems with characters. You have no reason to try to save your parents, since you already know they're dead from how it was written, and to add to that, there were no memories or anything to attach the reader to the main character or her parents. The murderer? Maybe some real backstory would be better, and it would entertain a lot of people to have him talk longer at the end because it's just normal in books, movies, or really anything.

Some trivia. At the end, there was confusion with what already happened and what didn't. 'You are' versus just 'you did', for example.

You can write, that I will not deny. But please, fix the plotholes.
Also, no one yell at me for 'looking for everything bad in a story and nothing good'. That's my job when reviewing things, to help the author fix what they did wrong.

Well, this was pretty short, but I survived in the end, so there's that. This game had good writing for a short story, I must say. It reminded me of a classic thriller in which a mysterious stranger is after you with nothing but ill intentions, but his reasoning for doing so could've been a bit more fleshed out.

I liked it, but there just wasn't much to it in terms of story, and certain things could've done with some more explanations and exposition.

Still, this isn't a bad addition to the horror section on this site.

The first fault of this story is the plotholes. And unfortunantly, plotholes in stories are a huge trouble.

First of all, you don't reveal much about the plot. So supposedly your parents were FBI agents, and they locked up a man. As far as I know, this doesn't justify the need to lock a child up for their own safety. In simpler terms, the plot was somewhat of a letdown. I was expecting some more context to it.

The writing was okay, I think. I noticed "a lot" spelled like "alot", but that's not totally bad. Its the way you wrote it. You have great writing ability, allow me to tell you. However, you need to work on introducing the plot. The way you wrote this, it seemed vague and mysterious in the beginning, which is great. It is a technique used by authors to draw in the reader. However, you introduce everything in the final moments, the conclusion. This is completely terrible. What's the point of an exposition? No, you have to introduce everything in the beginning. Not the entire picture, mind you, as you could have dropped clues for the reader to follow like bread crumbs.

As the plotline was, the conclusion was a letdown. I die. Yay. In these types of games, where you're being hunted down, it would be somewhat more refreshing to let the character live, instead of killing them off not even five pages in.

As a stand-alone story, this might work. But as interactive fiction goes, it needs polish. By the writing and length, it seems like you wanted to write and created the plotline as you went along, spending little time on the actual story.

That is bad. Because it produces something like this, and despite this was somewhat well-written, it was, to be honest, a let down.

Please, if you are going to write something, try to brush up the plot, and actually make something, instead of a short story that you have created here. In fact, now that I think of it, short stories are better as far as context goes, this might be considered a scene.

I want to give this a 5/8, because it is obvious the author can write well. But I just can't, because the story was really nothing.

4/8.

It wasn't bad but it wasn't so great either honestly. You could've done better with the plot and spelling.

Not terrible, but it ended after two choices, took less than a minute to finish. I like the chosen focus for the environment and antagonist. It's nighttime, so it makes sense that you only make out a few details about his appearance, and the leaf-covered ground. Not bad at all, but I think you can do better, keep it up!

Memories of learning about your parent's past as FBI agents flash across your mind. 

Haha, I wonder how those memories went down, must be a hella of an awkward scene to tell that kind of stuff to a child.

I see all these i survived comments you can't survive you die everytime kinda stupid if immma be honest if your going to make a story make it a quality story where there is a chance of living and make it longer. I hadn't even finished my breakfest when i got done with this story.

too short, not many choices

I wish it was longer and it needed a better ending

This was definitely interesting. I think it could've been a little longer and I survived even though I didn't stop to save my parents. I really liked this though.

Could be very good with improvements, like living. Or maybe more enemies. For now, I wasn't impressed :P

I was trying to come up with the stupidest game idea ever. I guess a 3 option story where you die every way is pretty hard to beat. Thx for the challenge.

Survived!

Lame, needs more work.

Too short, needs more development and length.

*never goes to sleep again*

Interesting how there are two bad endings (death) and one sort of okay ending. Not the best, but not the worst.

I like scary murderers! Just bit to short.

Well, that ended badly.

Note to self: Bring an arming sword next time.

Excellent writing but I agree with the too short comments. It would be fun to see this idea developed more :)

too short but a good idea. Keep writing :D

I pretty much have to agree with Fazz here. It's clear to me that you can write and I have little doubt that you're capable of something really good, but there's just not ... enough here.

There's no real "game" just an extremely short story with a grand total of -seven- pages in its -entirety-, not much explanation, and barely any choices. I do want to see you keep trying, you have potential, but you have to put in more effort than this.