Player Comments on Rainbow-1

PREVIEW:
I really liked this game and I’m shocked it’s rated below a 6. It wasn’t a perfect game, but the criticisms I have are about the things it *doesn’t* do—everything it actually does is done artfully and engagingly, with no major flaws to pick at.
I strongly recommend this game, especially to those looking for a hardcore cave-of-time storygame where the player has dramatic control over the direction the story goes in. Even if you usually prefer spec fic, this is a fun game. Don’t let the word count scare you, it’s a quick play if you only do a couple paths, and can be done in bite-sized chunks if you decide to read it all the way through.

GENERAL NOTES:

Plot & world:
The scenario is very interesting. I can’t think of another story I’ve read featuring an inmate firefighter in a California wildfire. It’s a unique set of circumstances that allows for creative ‘worldbuilding’ and challenges for the narrator to face.
I have no idea how research was actually done done into the rainbow-1 unit & narrator’s background & california area & process of a wildfire spreading; so I can’t speak to whether that was done accurately. But it from a storytelling/worldbuilding perspective, it *felt* real, and the details gave the impression of accuracy. So if there was a lot of research done, it really paid off. If not, you’re a good faker I guess.
This story shines in the details. The world and characters feel big, complicated, and real. Part of this comes from the astonishing committment to cave-of-time format. Nearly every choices in this story is a full split. There are literally dozens of different ways this story can end, each with a unique path. So the expansiveness of the world is partially because we know there ARE a lot of interesting things happening just offscreen.
But the biggness of the world also just emerges from the good writing. Details, characters, & imagery bring the world to life, and show that every character has their own life going on. Everyone is complicated. Side characters like Tim can play both a cowardly and heroic role. Even throwaway side characters all have one or two humanizing details that make them stand out. The branching format further enhances this by showing us how people can be different in different situations.
The supernatural elements of this game were unexpected, but worked shockingly well despite this. Normally I'd recommend against adding supernatural elements to a game that appears strictly realist, but in this game they blended seamlessly with the established mood. They somehow enhanced the grounded & realist feel of the game rather than taking away from it.

Branching:
Excellent, as already discussed: puts nearly every other game on this site to shame. This is the gold standard for cave of time.
I almost feel like the breadth of the story is a strength not because of the amount of material, but because of the psychological impact it has on the reader as they go. You understand as you read that your path is unique, and it’s because of YOUR choices that you are here. That’s affecting, even if you never actually read the other paths.
On one level the branching hurts the story, which is that it takes time for some of the branches to reach their “groove”. For instance on the path where you fight the bear, before that story takes off (in the LA warehouse, I’d say) you have to wander around a while while other plotlines split off. This means the later branches have less time to develop their own particular niche. Unsurprisingly, the most resonant branches are the ones that A) have enough space centered on their chosen theme to fully explore it, and/or B) tie all the way back to the themes established in the opening sequence. The Tim&Agnes route has plenty of space & different routes to explore those characters, while the epic/balrog route feels like the truest exploration of the character & narrative themes established from the beginning. Other paths, like the unexplained time travel route, are less connected to the story, and less compelling as a result.
I appreciated the endings list—made it easier to keep track of progress, and gave a teaser to other endings.

Characterization:
The narration & central character both have strong moments of personality. Every bit of description is filtered through the narrator’s lens of interpretation, coloring the world, and revealing his outlook to the reader. Even on the paths where he behaves violently, Joan comes across as a quiet & thoughtful guy, with traits that remain consistent even as his behavior changes. As a CYOA protagonist, Joan excellently managed the balance of having distinct traits while allowing the player agency in their choices.
Joan’s character moments were strongest when grappling with what it meant to be a firefighter & californian native in a world where he was disconnected from his heritage. Correspondingly, the character arcs that deeply invested in this theme were the most profound and resonant—most notably the ‘epic’ path. While other branches struggled from getting a late start on their unique plotlines and story elements, this one was inherently tied to the character conflict Joan had been dealing with from page one. It also had the most well-formed character arc, and one that worked very well with the character.
The rest of the storylines (though all of them were at minimum entertaining) would have been stronger if they’d kept as tight a focus on the central character themes. There are ways of doing this without re-treading the same ground: focus on different approaches to the problem, different (and potentially worse) resolutions of the same problem, character arcs that grow in different directions out of the same beginning.

GROWTH AREAS:
This section is mainly me trying to figure out why people aren’t rating this higher, and also why *I’m* not rating it higher. I did really like this game, but it wasn’t perfect, and I would not put it in the same category as the site’s greats. So let’s try and figure out why.
(Worth noting, to be able to speak about a game’s growth areas at length like this, it has to be doing nearly everything else right. So don’t take the existence of this section as a smackdown—if anything it’s a sign that so much has been done well that I’m able to give higher-level feedback.)
The worst I can say about this game that it overstays its welcome without having an engaging enough premise to support its length. I really liked the premise, but 95k is a lot, and the novelty can only last so long. This felt like it showed in some of the later wackier branches I reached, where Joan ends up time traveling or going to purgatory or the like.
The writing is very emotionally sterile. (*Mostly, not always—there are a couple powerful scenes.) Reminded me a lot of a Michael Crichton novel in that way. Chaos & profoundly affecting moments occur, but they are not overly dwelt on by the narration, and the reader is left to infer the effect on the characters & narrator. Dialogue is functional and efficient, but rarely engaging for its own sake. This is a styllistic choice: it works well for an action story that is mean to be devoured once with rapt attention (like Crichton’s books). It makes the first playthough of this game engaging and compelling and efficient.
But it has drawbacks. I never grew strongly compelled by the characters (except *maybe* Joan on the epic path), and wasn’t drawn to explore how they fare in other branches. The rich world & premise work well to grab the reader’s attention, but when the novelty & tension wear off, there is less substance to the story to keep the reader mentally or emotonally involved. (Again, except on a couple paths.)
I liked the characters, and was glad when good things happened to them, but I wasn’t compelled by their emotional journies. For an example of what I mean: On the swedish path, I didn’t really care about the growing relationship between the narrator & Agnes. I had no issue with it and it served its narrative role well, but while both characters were sufficiently rounded, I hadn’t grown attached enough or learned enough about either of them to understand whether this was good or bad or if I should care about it or what. It felt more just like a realistic thing that might happen in this situation. This was true of many story events—and to be clear, this worked extremely well for the grounded & exploratory tone & mood the story created! But also prevented a deeper connection from emerging between me & the characters. It’s just a tradeoff.
This has really got me thinking about the kind of stories that work well for encouraging readers to seek out the full scope of a branching CYOA. Stories that prioritize novelty/mystery/discovery encourage the reader to keep exploring to learn more (which is one reason I think horror/dark games are so popular—bad endings are allowed to do interesting things, so people have a reason to go back and read every branch). Stories that give the player control over seeing the various outcomes to a moving character arc encourage readers to explore the game multiple times so they can see the different ways the narrator can change. And of course, good writing, strong characters, and humor will encourage a reader to spend as much time with a story as possible.
Then again, going in on these elements (by, for instance, building a full character arc) would have its own drawbacks. Namely it would probably involve sacrificing some of the story’s flexibility & breadth, which is one of its strengths.
Again, these are potential routes for going to the next level, not criticisms of the story as it exists. If the goal was to write a fun and engaging story about a california wildfire with lots of player choice, this is perfect as it is.

LANGUAGE NOTES:
I actually have very little to say about the language, which is largely a positive. The sentence structure is smooth & unobtrusive, and varied up enough that it doesn’t get repetitive. The overall effect is that language blends into the background, allowing the reader to fully immerse themself in the story.
(Granted this is not completely perfect, I noticed a couple typos & spots where I’d change a clause or two, but nothing major.)
I love all the little details & bits of imagery, like the description of pools as littered toys, and noting that the chainsaw is 35 pounds of German engineering.
This story also does a great job removing narrative distance by avoiding clauses like “you see” “you think” etc. The world is presented naturally, like the player is really seeing it. The narrator’s personality comes across very clearly just in how he describes the world, his thoughts blending seemlessly with the description.
I also want to praise the economy of storytelling & pacing. There is not a wasted word in this game. Characters & scenes are described quickly & efficiently with striking details. No more time than necessary is spent on transitions & description. The story moves along like clockwork, with just the right amount of attention to each element.
I would definitely recommend this game to beginning writers working on their own sentence structure, it’s a great example of how to do things right simply & cleanly.
That said, I wouldn’t say this rises to the same level of artistry as games of those like Malk and Gower. The sentence structure here is smooth & enjoyable, but it blends into the background of the story rather than jumping out as particularly artful.
Like the rest of the game, the writing’s shortcomings are in what it isn’t doing *yet*. There is the beginnings of clever phrasing and artistry, but only beginnings. There are humorous lines, but they are exceptions rather than the rule. There are profound and touching moments, but they remain moments, and the reserved narration at times seemed to hold them back.
What I’d like to see from future work: More! Stop holding back! Craft the phrasing to bring out the power & intensity of the story’s moments rather than guiding the reader to admire them from afar. There were parts of the story that did this well (like the balrog scene). Looking forward to see how your style develops its own distinctness.

SPECIFIC NOTES:
- I like the first sentence. Attention grabbing. Starting with action & dialogue is effective here.
- I like the contrast of the narrator interpreting the technical jargon. It quickly establishes the situation & his personality and voice. This is a strong first page.
- I assume the pilot & narrator know each other? It’s a bit odd he’s not using her name.
- Suzy, lol.
- ‘It looks beautiful from this distance’ nice detail and characterizes the narrator. The imagery of the villas is also excellent.
- Normally I would be annoyed by a do-something-stupid-and-die choice that doesn’t actually end in death, but the deus ex pool was very clearly foreshadowed. Funny & fitting. Kudos.
- Love the detail of the woman’s finger raised in an argument with her kids. Details like this make the world feel large & rich.
- For a story about a raging wildfire, the mood here is oddly slow and contemplative. This feels like a quiet character story as much as an action one. It’s something different, and I’m enjoying it.
- Again, loving the world details: the 7-eleven, the stop fossil fuels graffiti, etc.
- Lol I like the montage of him trying to help people & them reacting in fear.
- I like the exchange with the woman where they both speak at the same time, flavorful & quickly sets the tone.
- I also like holding the narrator’s name in reserve until this point. Cool moment.
- Wait how did Agens get them a room??
- I like how the narration doesn’t actually have to mention Agnes is naked, and the contrast of almost-dropping/dropping the can. There are a lot of little clever bits of wording in this story that make it shine.
- The chaos of the flight from the hotel is well-described with specific details like the crashing SUV.
- I like the contrasting moment of hope amid the crowds & ‘this isn’t the end of our lives—it’s the end of the beginning’
- I don’t really understand what’s up with Tim & Agnes, but it’s also not really important. The mood carries itself.
- California Nazis. I hate those guys. On reflection this is probably a highly unlikely encounter, but I accept it.
- I like that Tim is incorporated into the climax here, and that he’s getting his own version of a reasonably good ending.
- Hah I really like how this (swedish) epilogue contrasts the firefighter jargon at the start of the story. This is a great epilogue sequence, including the focus on Joan’s making art.
- Yeah if you’re not nice to Tim, you don’t fare as well with the California Nazis. Having endings where the protagonists fail makes the ones where they succeed more powerful.
- Another strength of the language: the desciptions of physical strain on the narrator. They are realistic without being melodramatic and give us a sense of both his strength and his humanity.
- More great details in this description of the luxury apartment.
- Eh not sure what to make of Agnes here. Flirting with some guy while your boyfriend(?) is only briefly out of the room is really dumb. That said this feels like more of an authentic bad decision Agnes might make than poor writing. I like the aspect of Joan resisting temptation, but I’m not sure it’s worth the reduction of Agnes’s character this scene involves. (Joan’s description of her on the next page seems apt.)
- ‘Descent into hell’ page: We aren’t told why these people aren’t being allowed in, or much of what’s going on, and we don’t have to. The lack of information feels realistic and fits the mood.
- I like the headline ending, interesting.
- I appreciate that there are new and interesting situations on all the different branches in this game. (Like the seige in the building lobby.) That said, with no clear indication of what Joan is fighting for, this section is a bit less compelling.
- Lol I like the detail of picking up the 20$ bill. And the numbness on this ending contrasting with the others. (Lol, marcus aurelius.)
- I like the ending of helping the survivors rebuild in the aftermath of the battle. That’s interesting enough that I almost wish it was its own plotline? But that’s likely just personal taste. I also like the concept of Joan heading to sacramento next.
- I like the 4 options with the whiskey bottle.
- “Your father shows up half an hour later. He hasn’t knocked or anything, but just walks through the kitchen door”. Lol good scene. Lol “they are all down there by the way if you want to talk to them.” This is an interesting scene.
- The threesome thing works oddly well here?
- Reached ‘the augmented end’. Honestly find it a bit underwhelming after all the buildup & some of the more compelling emotional moments in this story. It’s interesting, but there was no buildup to the futuristic museum piece, so it just felt random, and it kind of felt like it ended on a cliffhanger.
- Hah I like that they actually survive in the triangle ending, and are apparently all still friends(+?). Having run into 3 of these endings that focus on a news story about the event, they feel more in-place.
- I suppose it feels kind of opptimistically quaint that revealing a bunch of corrupt documents would actually cause a major stir. Feels like we’ve had a million major climate scandals and none of them did anything. (I do like the reveal that he’s talking to the president.)
- Also, I like the way the environmentalist themes of this story are being handled. They’re subtle, in keeping with the rest of the story, but start to emerge as you notice more and more details.
- While I like this scene of talking to the kids with the paintings, I dunno if I believe they would really be chastised like that. Depends on the age & personality I guess. I suppose it helps when the guy scolding you is 4 times your size.
- Lmao he became a paranormal novellist?? I like that he kept in touch with the group of teenagers. That’s a nice plot thread; though I think it would be more impactful if they’d been characterized & involved in the plot in the way that Agnes and Tim were.
- I like having the scene of Agnes & Tim in the fire both with and without rescue.
- 24 great grandchildren? Damn.
- “Who wouldn’t think of herself as middle aged” lol good description.
- Interesting mix of people from this crashed helicopter. We’ve got an accountant with a boat at a sailing club, traffic offenders (racism!), and our narrator who we know from other branches was framed for murder.
- More pictures on this path it seems.
- “You’re not like other prisoners” lol.
- I like this epilogue’s focus on Suzy. I suppose the sailboat is implied to be Joan & Ramirez.
- Not entirely sure why Suzy’s sticking with them in this seagoing end.
- The ranking of these endings seems somewhat arbitrary at times. As near as I can tell it’s ranked *roughly* by the moral choices made by the protagonist? It’s certainly not ranked by how good things are for the protagonist at the end.
- “Indian Jon” seems like an indiana jones reference. Amusing that he keeps the rainbow name. This warlord ending seems a bit disproportionately epic for the path & choices made to get here.
- Lol, “Now I don’t have to shoot him in the knee. I hate doing that.”
- Good description of getting shot on ‘fruits of cowardice’. Also amusing that you just clip straight to hell.
- Yeah when you prune branches it’s better to take out the indications that they were there. Wish there was more here though—the hints we’ve seen of Joan’s past are interesting and it would be cool to learn more.
- “You are on duty now, so from now on you earn a whole dollar an hour.” Holy shit is it really that bad?
- Wish the spelling of Susy’s name was more consistent.
- I like what we see of Joan’s familiarity with fire & the land. This probably isn’t realistic considering the research involved, but it would be cool to see more of the learned technique that goes into his skill. A lot of the time he seems to rely on instinct, which is only one manifestation of craft.
- Huh is Joan an Iraq vet? Lol: “…no, that is still a gun.” Pretty realistic I guess that Suzy would be this upset/confused after waking up.
- I like the weird contrast of this bright abandonned town lol.
- Interesting conversation between Joan & Suzy about their heritage. It’s interesting seeing how Joan is disconnected from his own lineage through cultural imperialism & the fog of time. I like the way the balrog appears on multiple routes. Nice ending the scene with the handcuffs unlocking.
- Again really liking the details that characterize the people in this expensive house even if they themselves aren’t here. “You wonder if they are happy with the life they have lived.”
- Well I suppose he did save Suzy’s life, so she might be willing to go out on a limb for him like this.
- Hah, is that a balrog? Oddly, this works? It’s interesting at least. The fantastical elements in this story are subtle and not present on every branch, but they mostly feel natural where they appear.
- “Now let him save you as well” nice moment. I like the arc of this path—the emphasis on Joan’s background, the emphasis on his identity & craft as a firefighter. It feels like the most well-crafted character arc.
- Oh this is the good shit. Nice climax here. It’s one with a climactic internal arc moment that is up to the reader to fully realize, it relies on the narrator’s internal journey & things he’s been grappling with throughout the story. This is a great scene, and it’s supported by some excellent character arc work leading up to it. It’s a powerful arc about grappling with heritage & lost heritage & Joan making sense of what stories are significant to him in a changeing world.
- (That said, I can and will quibble about the actual choice this climax hinges on. It was clear to me that the actual words were far less important than the sentiment in fighting the balrog for the reasons elaborated on in the next page, but I couldn’t actually figure out which of the dialogue options was being assumed to align with personal significance to Joan, and made an arbitrary guess. I think this can work, but with a little more foreshadowing about the narrator’s postive & self-affirming *identitfication* with modern stories like lord of the rings and not just vague disconnect from his heritage—then it’s clear which of the 2 options is more personally meaningful to him. As things currently stand, it seemed Joan was merely apathetic about lord of the rings—just a little more indication that this was something that resonated with him personally would have been the clarity this needed. But this is 90% of the way there.)
- I like the anecdote about the concrete.
- “You are a lousy criminal, but you are a damn good firefighter” lol.
- Having him mis-interpret this as Iraq is an interesting choice. Also I appreciate it when story elements (like the california nazis) show up on multiple paths.
- Lol “Leader when he’s listening, and Reinhard when he’s not”
- Wait is this actually supposed to be the same dude Joan knew in Iraq? That’s quite a coincidence if so.
- I also like the subtle worldbuilding of a future that’s *slightly* different than ours, like the political landscape being built around carbon neutral transportation.
- LMAO we can just summon a demon?? Lol.
- I get the impression these maze links all lead to the same page, and I’m too lazy to test every combination, so oh well.
- I have no idea if the science works with the heat from a fire letting a parachute rise up so high, but it’s a cool concept.
- Wait lol the protagonist is 25??? I was assuming early 30s.
- Relative clause lol.
- I also like how details about the protagonist’s true passions like writing emerge across different paths in the endings where he is successful (although it does make the swedish ending feel a bit less in-sync).
- I got shamed lmaooo. Seems like choosing to write that short story or not is the decision point here. (Darn. If there’s delayed consequences here I probably missed endings in other branches.)
- Eh this branch feels kind of underdeveloped compared to the others. I don’t think it adds much to the story.
- “Its a film set” lol.
- Lol “You would have preferred stumbling across the studio’s hot dog supply”
- I like the sequence of them walking down the LA river. All of the ‘setpieces’ in this story are quite good.
- I suppose the bear is supposed to be my nemesis. EDIT: yeah lol.
- This branch is interesting and I like the surreality & worldbuilding, but it doesn’t have the same depth some of the other branches. Like okay this bear is a metaphor for my psychological trauma or something, why should I care?
- Happy hunting grounds is a dnd term right?
- Lol, “The object of your wildest dreams: a vending machine”
- Amused by the concept of a sound designer for coin-dropping.
- Hunger & wendigo theme & vaguely evil vending machine. Hm.
- Wait I thought Joan WAS an Iraq vet??
- I like the way Slacker is ‘defeated’ here with the mars bar.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: I got the swedish ending first, though admittedly I made the first decision assuming it would kill me. The rest I took seriously, and found that careful reading & paying attention was rewarded.
I didn’t find all the hidden endings. I did find the infernal, shameful, and awkwardly promising endings, and I’m pretty sure I know what the abyssal ending is, but couldn’t find the skinwalker one. Ah well.
The epic ending was definitely my favorite across the board. Best ending, one of the more interesting & moving plotlines, best character arc.

CONCLUSION: Easily a 7/8. Not quite an 8, because large chunks of this story were unfocused from the central theme. That said, I’m not sure I’d actually recommend changing anything—the sprawling & expansive nature of this game was part of its charm. This could definitely be a better story; but I’m not sure it would make it a better game.
Kudos to the author in particular for A) immersive & highly novel worldbuilding, B) unwavering warpath committment to a branching cave of time format. Let this be a testament to all those who whine about how true branching isn’t practical in a long & well-written story: Rainbow-1 proves you wrong.

Just to leave a preface to my review, I did not play through the whole game. The following is based upon what I did play.

This story seemed a bit underbaked. I was never given reason as to why my character was so prone to violence, to the point where he was willing to assault a random guy and steal their belongings or crush a police officer with his car. Initially, I thought it might've been that he was a violent crime inmate being sentenced to firefighting work as a way to repay for his crimes. Then, I discovered another inmate, Chaindog, was 'an accountant that had gotten too greedy'. So, just any inmate at all is forced to do this? What qualifies an inmate to be put up for this kind of duty?

Further on in the story, the player character suddenly has a problem with Chaindog attempting to rape Suzy. Why? He was fine with assault, theft and murder earlier. Didn't seem bothered at all by that. If he had some slight reluctance to allow it to happen, I'd understand but why is he so willing to step in between them? If you had mentioned some kind of relationship (I don't mean strictly romantically) between Threeflames and Suzy, this reaction would've felt more natural.

The reveal that the cops were on the mobster's payroll is intended to make killing them feel more justified, and feels a little bit forced. It seems strange that this is where this detail would be mentioned in the story, rather than when I'm driving up to them or crushing one between my truck bumper and his squad car.

Having said all that, I commend the amount of effort put into this. It was clearly something you spent a lot of time on, and I think with some more polish here and there it could be a great story. I hope to read an updated version (I'm assume you're still planning to come back to this story due to the 'under construction' sign) in the future.

I have to give a huge amount of credit for just how much work you put into this story! I've explored three separate paths so far, and each one has been completely different. I'm not sure when I'll be able to explore more, but I'll definitely come back to this storygame at some point to see other paths.

Somehow, I missed the fact that the playable character is an inmate firefighter during my first read through, so when Suzy was aiming a gun, I was completely confused. I liked the wayward lovers end, but...I was extremely confused about how the characters died. I mean, I assume they did? But I think I was missing something when I reached that first ending.

I would have liked to explore a bit more of the path involving Agnes and Tim, but I somehow ended up getting them both killed and didn't really know how. I liked that there was the option to form connections with both of them, but with Tim saying that he had feelings for the player character, I found myself really confused, because there just didn't seem to be enough time/exploration for those feelings to develop.

I really liked the happy hunting grounds ending I reached with Jean, though it was obvious that it ended with them both dead. Still, the whole thing with the afterlife was nice to read about, and I found the whole idea about the nemesis quite interesting. And that mental image of the tarantula was incredibly creepy. I have a phobia of spiders anyway, so the idea of a tarantula the size of a cat was truly horrible.

I also liked how you described the fire and its spread. At some points, it felt like an entirely separate entity, which fit really well with the feel of the player character and his history that I got to learn through the paths I explored.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing this! It's honestly obvious how much work you've put into this, and what I've read of it has been quite engaging so far.

Review of Fabrikant's game "Rainbow-1"

First off, I just wanted to say that I love the dry humor in this game. You know, the understated "not-trying-to-be-funny" sardonic observations/quips that just adds a nice touch to the story. I always enjoy reading dry humor and try to incorporate in my own writing. So the character is an inmate firefighter who comes from a long line of shamans, and he routinely explains words in his native language like "Fuck" which translates to "fuck". That was pretty funny. At a later point in the story, you poke fun at our hero trying to invoke his shaman heritage by saying "Hear me, I am the fire walker shaman of the Latvik and I command thee". The line just doesn't fit with the rest of the story, the tone is too reverent and sounds like it came straight out of King Arthur. And you executed the humor well. One suggestion I would give is that you overexplained slightly, you don't have to explain the humor of it, since we got it and we enjoyed it.

"The line is too long winded and the fake 'thee' at the end makes it feel like something from a play. You feel like an actor--a fraud, someone pretending to be a cliche Indian from the movies. The truth is that you know nothing of your ancestry. Your people are not in the history books, and whenever your father spoke of them, he was faking it, repeating lines that Indians said in old movies."

This paragraph to explain the joke is a bit much. But tat didn't take away from the joke, the joke was really funny. I just enjoyed how left field the use of "thee" and "hear me" was and the story does make fun of you for choosing it.

You did a really good job describing the scenery as well. I'm a southern boy, born and lived in the south all my life. I might have went to California a couple of times, and that too Nor Cali, so I really enjoyed how you were able to mentally take me somewhere that I haven't been before, and actually make it seem convincing. I love some of the figurative language you used like "where millionaire's villas with their glistening swimming pools litter a landscape, like silly toys scattered by an absent-minded toddler". I really enjoyed that analogy since most people who would have done something that enhances or glorifies the beauty/grandness of the estate. But our character clearly disdains this sort of grand ostentatiousness, and makes it clear, because he had a bad experience in that neighborhood.

I love the way you spend time on the actual fire-fighting process and go into detail on how they saw the trees, and clear the brush. You take your time with it, and that is a very rewarding experience for the reader.

The directions this story took were innovative and surprising. At every step, I wasn't sure what would happen next. It takes a good writer to do that without seeming random and luckily, at every step, I felt like I was going somewhere for a reason, and the story progresses logically.

You did a good job of not info-dumping. The plot you chose was novel and ambitious, I mean "prison firefighter who's also a descendant of fire walker shamans", there's a lot packed in there. A lesser writer might have spent too much time dwelling on and expanding upon the character's backstory, but you avoided this.

List of endings:

You did a wonderful job with the branching. There were so many options, at times it felt like this story was endless, in a good way. It did not feel dragged, but rather when you finished one ending, you really wanted to explore more. I also love how you listed and named all your endings.
Flaws:

Some of the character descriptions could use a little more. Like Suzy, who's a small Asian woman with a pretty face. That's a pretty sparse description. You do make up for it by having Suzy and the protagonist talk so we learn things about her through dialogue rather than exposition dump, but the descriptions could have been more fleshed out.

Overall, well done. This is a truly great story with a novel concept executed well. I'm going to give this a 8/8, because even though there were flaws, it just sucked me in.

SPOILERS




I was impressed with how many endings there were. This was a real "choose your" story.

What I liked: First, I was pleasantly surprised that jumping out of the helicopter wasn't an instant death. While you probably would have died even landing in a pool, it's still nice that the story continued.

The humor was well done. I was quite pleased that by choosing not to take Agnes into the bedroom you got to do a three-way with her and Tim. That's the only way it could have been done without offending the universe. I liked at the very end you still had a single choice which dramatically changes the outcome — choosing sacrifice, or watching as Tim makes that same choice. I liked it so much I went back and tried another near-end option, and was pleased to find the ending had me getting my orgy on television, presented by Anderson Cooper. Another nice touch.

What I didn't like: I don't really have any complaints on this story game, other than the scope was just a big wildfire in basically a single night of action. But not every story can be a sprawling adventure to return the One Ring to Mordor.

This storygame was written well and had lots of directions you could choose to go. Overall, this was well done. Would read again.

This story was pretty good, despite getting the Infernal Ending. Guess that shows you how bad of a person I am.
Anyway, I enjoyed it and I am probably going to play again.

Wow, that’s a lot of endings! A lot of work went into this and I tried to go through as many of the routes as I could find. I’m proud to say that I found both the Rainbow Warrior and Shame Endings! The storygame tries to touch on a lot of different fictional elements, and only so many are given enough time to develop properly, but the sheer scope of choices and characters more than make up for it. This is a game well worth your time, though of course you should take the content warnings seriously here.

I have no dog and house and car and I have this.

This story has a unique premise and I loved getting to understand the main character better with each playthrough. My sister is a wildland firefighter (not an inmate though) so it was pretty cool to read a storygame about the subject. I can't wait to force her to read it. Anyway, the number of endings and versions of events is stunning. I played through the game a few times and loved how differently the story played out each time. My personal favorite ending that I achieved was the Swedish ending. I was a bit confused as to why we named our son after Tim after he abandoned us but I guess he did come back and save us from Nazis so it's somewhat deserved. All in all, I had a lot of fun exploring the different routes.

The first ending that I got was the Triangular End. Lol


Good:

1. Branching

2. Plotting


Bad:

1. Punctuation , spelling, and capitalization

2. Word choice


I rated the story a 6 because I appreciated the original premise and just for being the rare CYOA story written for adult readers, though I do reserve the right to lower my rating later on if I ever actually read another path and it isn’t as good.

A good premise for a story. It captures the oppressiveness of being caught up in a calamity quite well. I expected the story to stay realistic, but it strayed tastefully into the realm of fantasy for a brief moment, and I thought the effect was quite good.

I would really recommend proof reading though. Just read what you've written out aloud and you probably would've caught a lot of errors. For a reader, these errors may knock them out of the immersion whenever they occur which I definitely felt was a problem here.

Still, good story with a fairly uncommon premise. I'd say it's a great first story.

Interesting story with a POV that is pretty uncommon. The situations are well described without much SPAG issues. On almost every page, however, the is some incorrect word choice or bad sentence structure (repeated words or phrases, wrong homophone, etc.) I would recommend a detailed proofread.