Player Comments on Random Plot: Job Saving

As harsh as my criticism is, the writing isn't too shabby. Your talents could be used to create something worthwhile. From Will's comment, it seems that your other stories are better and I'll probably stumble into them at some point.

- I haven't had to criticise the introduction to the story very often, but you have a font change halfway through a sentence and you have some weird tactic of trying to abuse the reader into liking it. I mean, come on. Also, if you're going to spend 3 hours writing a story, don't spend 3 hours writing a story. Just don't do it. I'm surprised you only got out 1000 words in that time anyway.

- "What!? This is one of the only zoo's that the climate that's okay for the Fartius Maximus!" Ugh. Mistakes on the first page are always a bad sign and toilet humour doesn't add much.

- You were clearly aware of the illogical nature of your choices when you wrote this, but it's really not a good idea in a CYOA game. I might as well just click randomly through the game; it's not like there's really a believable plot to it to make me stop and read.

- You evidently didn't care about writing an actual story and were focusing more on humour. I actually don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as you maybe have a better premise with more of a general plot and pull it off better than this. It needs time and effort, as most things worth reading do. This is a golden nugget among its type. It just so happens that the lolrandom genre is the bottom of the barrel nine times out of ten.
3/8

First it's nice to see you've gone from "sorry for the quality" to "go in your corner and shut up" in the intro's to your stories :D I liked the idea of a walk-in elephant exhibit that comes equipped with jeeps which makes the zoo sound bigger than New Hampshire. On the down side random story games take no real effort or plausibility to write and though it's fairly good as random story games go I prefer your other stuff which is why you get a 4/8.

A low effort story. The description put me off; gloating and personal attacks aren't a billboard for excellence.

The story itself is also nonsensical. I get the ornisomething needs to reach the manager to stop the selling of the zoo. However, won't the new owner not acquire a zoo... to run a zoo?

So the ornitholosomething runs through wild animal enclosures, because of a roadblock. I don't know why he doesn't take a new road, running must be quicker than fighting bears and rhinos.

That brings me to some inadequate proofreading, I guess a fourth hour of writing would be too much work. Take the following sentence for example: 'You could probably make your way easier through the reptiles section, but that would take more time.' So it's easier and takes more time, wouldn't an easier section take less time? More on that path, somehow rhinos and beavers are reptiles and a rhino turns into a tiger the ornithologist can outgrowl.

Overall you managed to make an uninspired plot even more nonsensical, doing the bare minimum to stay afloat. I suppose that's a skill too.

......what?

fun, short, i died

I have used the random plot generator, and there’s nothing about it that insists that you write a short story. You could instead use it to determine a starting point, then develop a character, create a backstory, develop the world around them, create some conflict, write a beginning, include some increases in pacing, bring it to a climax, and then wrap up the story with an ending. Instead, you chose to take the random plot, glance at it (slightly), then crap all over the page by mashing letters on the keyboard in a way that apparently reminded you of songs that your mother sang you to sleep with when you were younger (perhaps very recently).

But then, even after you created this masterpiece of garbage you decided that wasn’t enough. You added in the introduction to the story with a non-working hyperlink, the actual entire plot of the story (which was just what the generator gave you), decided to advertise to the world that you story was going to suck, then figured it would be a good idea to insult not just the people who read the stinking pile of poo, but also anyone else who happened to the page who might have been considering wading into the pond o crap that you call a story. Quick tip for those thinking of reading this one: don’t bother: I’m not sure it’s even worth the free point.

And yes, when you get to the trash hole that is the story, it starts out fine…but that only lasts for a few words. There are errors in tense, spelling errors, errors in sentence structure, and errors in punctuation, all in the first few sentences. Then, instead of actually having choices for the slime pile that you call a story, you start out with a self-proclaimed infinite loop for a choice that leads absolutely nowhere. No, there was no point in that. No, it isn’t original or smart. It’s actually moronic and stupid.

The asinine attempt at a story continues with feeble efforts at changing the setting and providing the reader with navigation across the park. To what end? Well, none, actually. The story ended before the reader even started reading it and at no point did the reader every have control of this “choose your own story.” And then to put the bow on the desiccated defecation, you went ahead and ended with a few parting feeble insults at the reader. This attempt at a story has no value and anyone who reads it will be dumber for having wasted their time reading it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Told me to give 8/8

Just petty.

1/8

well that was fun, what other game lets you roll with the crocodile and bear with the bear? ;D

Needs Work

"You died! Now go and rate this game 8/8"

No. No, I'm not. In fact, I'll lower my rating just for that.

You also insult the reader in the "good" ending. The infinite loop was a bit pointless but you seemed aware of that. This could have been pretty funny, but it wasn't. It just seemed like you didn't care.

For something made that short it was ok, but as a story game was not good. You had a few spelling errors, with "rihno" and not enough content or plot.

Very fast paced. The logic was backwards, which was kind of funny.
Infinite Loop?
?
?
:)

this game lacked banter and fun. Needs more banter

Actually not bad. It was a good entertaining read. Yes it's short, but it's fun.

You were right for saying it was short, but it was fun!

It was a good Zoo plot, and the police must have no brains, they think the Chicken killed them? Wow. It's a good and funny story!

6/8