Player Comments on Revenge for honor

Usually when I see a noob story with a decent amount of mostly understandable text on the page I'll give it a 3 or something, even with this amount of linearity.

But everything about the plot and motivation here is just so retarded? It's another of those situations where the only context you get is packed in the description and not really included in the story. And even then, there's not much. Reading the description about people being burned and drowned in wells I thought this was going to take place in some edgy medieval village. And instead... it's a modern city? What?

The grammar and basic writing skill are mostly fine, but the plot and the way this story instantly breaks all logic circuits in the brain make it impossible to take seriously.

I don't understand anything that is going on in this story. I don't understand why I would do this stuff, and how my family got killed. Not paying taxes??? At least give me more information about that, make me want revenge. I don't feel anything for the protagonist. I can't really say much about the grammar because this is not your first language. The story was very linear and there was only one right choice for each one. I see that that the basic plot has potential, hunting down your family's murders, but it would need a lot of work. If the reason why they killed my family was believable, and if I actually felt like I wanted revenge for the character, and there was actually multiple different paths, then yes it would be a good story. But the only thing good about this story is the plot, and it doesn't really make sense.

I.... Call me confused.
The writing was decent considering that English is your second language, but I have no idea about the plot. I did not catch why the person would do things such as this, the people, I felt no connections to those brief characters, and even the main character himself I don't have much to say about.
Moving on to the choices, it feels out of control to the reader. I don't feel that my decisions make too much of an impact to the story as it is very linear, either "progress" or "death". Nothing much other than that.
I won't talk too much about the grammar and writing, as you aren't a native speaker.
There is one thing I would like briefly mention. In the description, the family were killed because they couldn't pay taxes. That would make 0 sense in the real world, so I assumed it was either a fantasy modern world, or in the past of some village. Going into the story, the person starts using guns, pistols, etc. which now made me wonder about the setting. A more realistic reason for the death of a whole family would be an armed robber, or a mass brawl that they were caught up in.
Either way, this has gone on long enough, I feel that you there was a good amount of effort put into this story. Keep up the good effort, buddy.

I speedread the game to see if the comments were true........
well I beat it in 30 secs.

Not really any choices that result in death.

Stupid ended sooooo fast one coice was death the other wasent

the story is good but the freedom with the choices are really either death or the other

I realize English isn't your first language, but it doesn't make the grammatical problems easier to get through. I would have recommended having a native speaker do a quick run through this at the very least.

'There was a blood dripping out from his body when I shooted twenty bullets into his mouth. I knew I've killed one of my enemies but now police would be again next to me.'

Just one example of many, but one I found funny for whatever reason.

I'm going to assume in the years since this has been published you've figured out how to punctuate dialogue and so not spend time going into detail on that, other than to note it's another persistent problem here.

The story's pretty much entirely linear, but as a normal short story it would work just fine. There's enough content here that I could tell effort was put in and for the most part there's nothing wrong with the plot...the big exception being that the death of the character's parent and thus their entire motivation is spelled out in the story's description, yet absolutely nowhere in the story itself.

(And honestly, even what's in the description doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It sounds like a fantasy setting with people being thrown down wells etc., but then, wait, they're killed not by an evil dictator, but by other townspeople out of...I guess moral outrage at the shirking of their civic duty? And then the story itself turns out to be in a modern setting and it all suddenly makes even less sense, so who even knows.)

Really linear, but that was a good story.

lol loved the different options, keep it up

A fine game, but I'm wondering why the author rated his own game.

Good one. Wish it was longer. Though, nice attempt

Completely awesome game!!

Is that the end?
bit of a cliffhanger.

This story is just so good but required more choices and length

It was alright... there were some parts that didn't make a lot of sense to me, such as: why would you tell the doctor your name? And why does your pain subside a mere hour after getting shot and receiving surgery without anaesthesia?

Linearty hurts it the most... The author does a good job at his english. Only if it wasn't so linear. It hinted many things at its initial pages but failed to show any. Apart, it wasn't really a CYOA, the forced nature of this killing it. Though despite of the straight away read it's pretty good in terms of writing and maybe story. Kudos for having a lot more than other newbies. Keep it up. 5/8

You've done nice job considering this as your first storygame.

Well it was a good story and your English is awesome, but it didn't really feel like a choose your own adventure story, since you didn't get to make any choices until the end.

Awesome work you've done. It would be more good if you add more twists and creativity in it. And good luck for your upcoming stories.

Great job for your first. On top of that you don't have english as a first language to help you out. You sir have potential. Some advice for your upcoming stories. Add more imagination, choices, and plot/length. Just some constructive critisism for you to chew on.

Aaawesome....5/8. Though too linear.

Very good for your first story. Keep it up!